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here I am back here shoulda and should stay here but I always allow life to get me off track.my a b/f is now renting a room from me we are just friends been working out though he works 7 days a week 12 hour days so that's ok too,he don't drink as much if any I can tell if he has drank anything I set my bounderies with him there in the very beginning that he could rent a room from me and no drinking allowed,i know he has slipped around but oh well its not affecting me as long as we are not in a relationship im just fine,and now for my fairly new nighbors I thought I had the best ones ever until the wife came over to me crying that she caught her husband rapeing her 8 y/o daughter which is her husbands step daughter her daughter stayed over here at my house a lot of times didn't want to go home I never knew why now io do he is locked up in jail now and prolly wont see daylight ever again thank gosh,lets hope not this little girl he has messed her up very bad according to the ones that examined her,now I feel like ive been thrown into a tail spin this is all way tooo much for me to deal with,and now for my daughter she is living in England her and her hubby which is in airforce with my 3 g/sons and wanted me to fly over for Christmas but ive never been on a plane and I have sooo much anxiety ive just chicked out almost went though but the ticket she punched in came back so she was gonna go another route but ive done backed out completlty crying she isn't talking to me either um I couldn't get my meds anyway just found out in time to leave,so I just looked at that as wasn't meant to be.but im also wanting to move from here ive lived here 10 yrs and now with all this going on next door is keeping my nausuas this little girl is a angel to me I cant help but want to take her places but I don't think her mom is gonna to allow me to do that her mom is supporting this monster in jail now by visiting him and takeing him clothes and money I don't understand like I said prolly be best for me to just move from here completely need esh here.sorry for rambleing on and on buy just too much going on at one time.love each and everyone of you...lookingup
I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. When I feel the world on my shoulders, I try to get out to an Alanon meeting or attend one here at MIP. I always feel a little less alone after hearing others share. I am living in nasty environment too and want to find a new place to live. It's going to take planning and time but I've begun planning and taking a few small actions in that direction. One thing I'm doing is giving away or throwing away things I no longer need so I will have less to move. Even though I don't have a place to move to yet, doing that helps me feel empowered and not stuck. I can say to myself... I'm doing something to make this happen!
As far as choosing not to fly, that is a real fear and it's sounds like hp stepped in and did for you what you could not do for yourself. Your meds didn't arrive and you are staying put. You don't sound ready to get on a plane right now. And you know what? So what! If life on earth was ending and you needed to get to another planet you might need to fly but that isn't happening. Maybe you'll get on a plane someday, maybe not. Sacrificing your own well being, feeling frightened in order to visit your daughter will not make you a more loving mother than you already are, lookingup. You are lovable and you are loving. You care about that little girl where you live, your daughter and your exa.
So many of us are struggling with guilt now at the end of the year and with the holidays upon us. I know right now I need slogans like "Keep It Simple" and "Live and Let Live" more than ever. I've been saying the Serenity Prayer a lot more lately too. The topic "expectations" has been chosen in my face to face alanon meetings a lot recently. All the pressure we put on ourselves to do things right, make things right, make others happy at the expense of ourselves, be the perfect parent, spouse, sibling.... it can be exhausting :) At this time more than ever, self care feels really important. When I take on others moods, their problems, their anger I've lost my Alanon program... I've lost my focus on my own needs and right to happiness. I've been praying for others and asking my higher power to guide me, and continue to teach me how to take care as I go through this holiday season. I'm doing a lot of program work around step 11 at this time.
Thanks for sharing. Wishing you continued sanity and serenity. (((lookingup)))) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 15th of December 2013 09:48:53 AM
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 15th of December 2013 09:50:51 AM
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Glad you shared and had the courage to speak your heart. You are not alone. So please keep using the tools,keep coming back and Things will truly start "Looking up"
thanks so much for yalls replys,something i neede to hear ,that im gonna be alright,and hotrod and tiredtonight you 2 couldnt have said it better. love and hugs looking up
