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Any advice out there as to how people deal with their obsession and control? Can't seem to turn off my brain sometimes and just give it to my higher power. Any tools or coping mechanisms people have learned?
When I catch myself obsessing (an easy trap to fall into !), I literally have to brute force myself into doing something else - quickly - for me, it's usually something physical - exercise helps a lot - I ride an indoor exercise bike watching something absolutely mindless on TV, or the outside bike if it's a nice day, or even just go for a long walk - concentrating on the beauty around me and maybe have a long, soul-searching conversation with my HP.
Sometimes, I rake leaves, or clean out the garage, or start getting set up for dinner, or fold laundry - ANYTHING to get my mind off the obsession.
Sometimes I call my sponsor, or someone else from my group..
I find that if I don't catch it quick, it leads to some type of action, which can be a real problem cause the action I take in these situations is typically something stupid.
The serenity prayer works for me ,reminds me I have no control over other people . It also reminds me to look back and see if any of my controlling efforts worked out the way I wanted them to , 99 % of the time the answer is a resounding NO . So I can let it go .
Asking whose business I am in - mine, God's or others. The minute I can recognize I'm not in my business, I can drop the thought. The trick is in remembering to ask myself the question. Smile.
I like Grateful's reply and mine is similar - when I catch myself obsessing I ask myself 'how am I with this thought?' 9 times out of 10 the answer is that I'm not helping myself and therefore it is in my best interests to drop the thought or, and this is bliss, the thought just slips away when I give it my direct attention. The 1 in 10 thought usually turns out to be something that I either need to do something about or I need to recognise that I can't do anything about it, in which case I ask 'how am I with that? It usually turns out that I'm ok with that for the time being!
Once I accept that I can not control something that is unacceptable I'm inclined to get a bit stressed 'cos I still want to fix things so the other element that helps me is meditation and yoga.
Obsessing is, for me, almost a tonic - not a healthy one though so I need to rewire my brain. I read somewhere that it only takes twenty times to change a neural pathway. Its worth repeating!
I have to agree with everyone, I will say the serenity prayer over and over when it feels super overwhelming, and then I try to go and take a walk, or do something physical, just to distract myself. It's hard. I get that. But this is a good reminder. Thank you!
For me, it's asking: what good is this thought doing for ME? What good is it and what outcome can occur from this? If it's none of my business, then I back off and find something else to DO with my time. If I just sit there, I'll start obsessing over something else, LOL. So, I usually go clean something, walk the dog, call a program friend, etc.
This is something I struggle with too. I hope you find the answers. I have found that doing two things at once sometimes helps. At night or while driving my mind just races out of control. My obsessive thoughts are of course all centered around one person: my alcoholic bf. Constant worry, concern, ideas for things he could do, articles I come across, 43,000 things I see that make me think of him or that he would laugh at, job listings even though he never manages to follow up with them until like 4 weeks later after they hired someone already...the list goes on and on, things i want to say to him, like goodbye (sometimes).
If you find the answers, give them over to me. It's exhausting. I've always been such a worrier, that becoming involved with an A almost has sent me into a crazy house.
Corgi I agree with posters above about exercise being a way to get thoughts under control; also for me I pick a slogan or even make up a short prayer that I repeat like a mantra (sometimes 'please help me'); writing for me helps a lot as well.
Exercise and meditation has been helpful for me. I really do notice that when I am paying attention to my mind and body I am more focused and less apt to fall into the mind trap. The mind trap...oh, that's been the hardest thing for me to overcome but it is possible with practice. I still have some days where the recorder doesn't want to shut off - then it's time to go walk it off and I usually do!
Reading the literature of Al-anon at lot. Looking up in ODAT about my situation and thinking about what I have read. Why do I do this, it there a reason, should I be worried and if I am, is it going to do any good. Posting and praying....many things will help and do.
It's always passes don't it....
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
