I Am Crazy! - Al-Anon Family Group

Brighter Days · Newbie

I have lived with a high functioning alcoholic for over 10 years and only in the past 10 months have I really recognized the effics it has had on me. I was determined not to become co-dependent however I never understood the real meaning of co-dependancy. I am co-dependent! Last March my alcoholic husband called me to say he was going to take prescription medication and drink until he died. Thank God he got to a hospital and into rehab.
I on the other had also needed help, emotionally. I am not an alcohol or drug user and have never been. The process of me coming to the understanding that I was co-dependent was a struggle because I was so against the thought. I knew I needed help the night I threw a vodka bottle at him. That action was totally against anything I would do under normal circumstances. I immediately made an appointment with a counselor because it was a wake up call for me.
During the course of 9 months I have worked very hard to detach. My husband is now going through the "dry drunk" stage. I never know when the verbal abuse will pop up. Since he stopped drinking he's told me I'm having an affair, that I don't show him any emotions, that the marriage must end and I am to leave and go find myself.
Today, I have an offer on a house in my hometown and waiting for closing. My furniture is still in our house, waiting for the move. I currently have to go back and forth between the two cities. I am trying to get the energy to pack. I feel the co-dependancy is winning again and fighting it internally.
My counselor told me to be careful what I ask for when considering leaving my husband. I don't know what he means by this statement. I do know I will be emotionally better off by moving out.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello. Welcome to MIP. What you are describing, many of us have experienced in relationship to our loved ones. We could see that they had a problem. We couldn't all see that we did. By attending Al-Anon meetings, working the steps, reading Conference Approved Literature, and sharing our experience, strength and hope with others who are affected by a loved one's drinking has helped me grow beyond thinking only "the other and his family had a problem." It has helped me learn to focus on myself and live according to my HP's will for my life to the best of my ability. If you are not attending Al-Anon, it might be helpful for you to try at least 6 f2f meetings before you decide if Al-Anon Recovery work is right for you. It is generally suggested that we don't make any changes until we've been in Al-Anon and working the program for about 6 months.

As for what your counselor is meaning? I guess I'd ask him if it were me. I'd also make sure he is certified in alcoholism and substance abuse treatment for individuals and families. Unless a counselor has a working understanding of alcoholism and drug abuse and how it affects both the user and those who love, live or work with a user, they can be enablers themselves and not know it. That may not be true for your counselor, but it has been true in my experience working with mental health professionals who don't have knowledge of the disease and its progression.

Keep coming back.

Brighter Days · Newbie

Thanks Grateful! I have attended Alanon meetings. Still looking for the right group for me.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Brighter Days

Welcome to Miracles in Progress. You are not alone. Many of us have felt as if "We are crazy" after living with the disease of alcoholism. It seems as if you have taken many positives steps to change your life .

Cong rats.

I would like to suggest that you search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. Living with the disease of alcoholism we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it. Meetings help to break the isolation caused by the disease and offers new constructive tools to live by

Keep coming back

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Alcoholics and addicts must get the same "Book of Accusations" as a resource guide to being an alcoholic/addict aww Keep on with your program work, awaken to you and life can be joy filled beyond your wildest dreams and it doesn't even matter what your hubby does or doesn't do (or other people, for that matter). Keep coming back!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Brighter Days and welcome to the family...you're in the right spot and have already gotten some good information about how others have been affected by another persons drinking and using and how we played our part in it (co- dependency). The disease is progressive and you've watch it go from what it use to be and the insanity of it now...his and yours together. The definition of alcoholism says it can never be cured; only arrested by total abstinence. We have had to learn with the tools of Al-Anon how to be totally abstinent also. Yes we don't drink and use and still we do react without boundaries for ourselves. Building and installing boundaries for myself (like detachment) was going abstinent from the disease and the part I played in it. Stick around and keep yourself in the rooms of Al-Anon. You might not have a home group yet and still sitting in any meeting "with and open mind" is recovery building. ((((hugs)))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.