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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another car wrecked, and my response should be?
Post Info TOPIC: another car wrecked, and my response should be?
lgnutah


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another car wrecked, and my response should be?
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Before I realized that my daughter was an A, back when I believed that everyone else had a problem/was telling lies about her/that she really would pay me back/that it would all be my fault if i didnt help her, etc, I thought it just odd that she had so many car accidents (mostly scrapes along the sides, but the last car was my 4 year old car I gave her in 2011 that she totalled last summer). 

Then I found Alanon, and started setting boundaries, stopped enabling, stopped footing the bills, and started taking care of myself.  She found someone to take my place (now he pays her bills and he bought her another car).

So, while she no longer expects me to fix things, she still lets me know when calamities happen.  Today she sent a text telling me that "because of all the rain, her tires wouldnt hold, and she wrecked the wheel".  

My initial thought is to wonder how high her blood alcohol was, whether she had been self medicating with prescription drugs, whether police were called, whether her insurance will go up again (already over $4000 yr) but I didnt say anything except to text back saying, yes,  the grease layer on the road  becomes slippery when it begins raining and then asked if she was ok.

Still, not sure about my response.

 

 



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Wisdom67


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I think you responded to the sititution very well . When I was reading it I was like hmm I would of continued on and on but you handled it short and sweet and I don't think your daughter exspected that of you that why she hasn't text back yet , I'm sure . She didn't get the response she would normally get. I will pray for you to continue to hold your tongue . And pray that she gets help and she is ok..

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Wisdom67
Jerry F


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Motive? Emotions when responding?  Allow her the dignity for the consequences of her choice.  That one works best for me.   How would have "Ouch"!! sounded.  You did good don't you think?.   (((hugs))) smile



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sadsusie


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You did Sooo well. Way to go!

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Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

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Debilyn


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perfect!



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el-cee


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You sound strong with a good solid program. Keep taking care of yourself.x



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John


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you did better than me. My son let me know he wrecked his car and the only thing I could say was.. .well, you're a wreck and its a wreck... you will look like ya belong with each other now that you match!  LOL

Not a healthy response I know and surely not the one he needed or wanted to hear, but I don't really feel too bad for saying it either.

John 



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LeenieBeanie


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Sounds just right to me. 

I was always told : Be Kind (you were), Be Quick (did not engage)  and Be Gone. (Short and sweet interaction)

I know who you feel and can imagine  how you would have answered her before Alanon.

 

Good for you!!!!!  Stay Strong!!



-- Edited by LeenieBeanie on Tuesday 10th of December 2013 11:32:13 AM

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> another car wrecked, and my response should be?