The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As most of you all know my son is now living in an SLE and on Friday he was asked to leave for 5 days until he is able to test clean. Well Friday he stayed in his car and stayed in the parking garage at the SLE. He calls me Saturday asked to talked with me. We met and he says he never thought this would be his low sleeping in his car. I said you made a choice and I can't help some one that does not want to help themselves. He said mom I'm tired of doing this. Well I never have heard this before and the last time it was an intervention we did that convinced him to go get help. He wants to be around his daughter. I said the way your going you will lose her for good. He said he is just tired. Gained a lot in one month and list it the same month. I said well you do what has to be done for you and let me heal and do for me and my family. He said he was going to church and will find some where to stay until Wednesday. I said god bless. Well that Saturday night he calls me at 9pm from my moms phone and said I have no where to go. The Salvation Army won't let me in with a dirty test. He said he has places to go but there not places he would stay if he wants to make changes. I said I'll be home by mid night. I got home he came up to me as he had waited for me. I said this is not how I want things for you , he said I don't either. I said you got punished for a dirty test. I'm not your comfort zone no more. I know its around 22 degrees and I will allow you to stay until you go back to the SLE , but you will come in by 9 pm and attend meetings and stay in contact with your Sponser. You sleep in my room. He agreed and has been doing just that. But am I doing what right or wrong??
I think you have done a great job~set limits, made it clear, and the message you are giving him is that if he can accept your boundaries you can help him. I know there are tough love people who would disagree with both of us, but as a mom I know I would do the same thing. Everyone makes suggestions but you have to go with your gut and your heart. Lyne
No one can tell you what is right or wrong all I wouls suggest is sticking to the bounbdaries that you have set if he breaks them enforce the consequences.
Checking my motives with God, myself and sometimes my sponsor or a fellowship member helps me determine whether I am doing something in my best interest or trying to control an outcome.
(((((Gaby))))) most of the time for me the proof is in the results...It's later on that I learn the consequences. The dirty test is his and so is the consequences that affect the rest of the family. This disease will own him to the extent that he allows it and he is allowing it. He left the SLE for 5 days...did he use during this time? If he did it is the reason he left the SLE. He knows about tests and the consequences and he knows about you. You're one of his many outs and he's got more than a handful. Alcoholics and addicts are survivors like I can't imagine even though the techniques often baffle my imagination. If you're doing the best you can with what you have and have got your HP and program right next to you you're trying to help. You know how to measure if it turned out to be an enable. If he has the time, ability and facility to take care of his own needs and you step in and take over before he can or will chances are for me and from my experiences it was enabling. Watch how it works out cause it is as much your lesson as his. (((((hugs)))))
No right or wrong just progress you are moving towards a solution to your peace and sanity. I know you know he has to do this himself if he truly wants recovery. If your giving him one more chance that's OK if your Ok with it but will he take it as help to get well or another extended period to keep out of trouble for a while. My son is good at it but I have to know it won't work if I do it for him.
Prayers that HP gives you the strength and courage to change you
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
