Praying for restraint of tongue - Al-Anon Family Group

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Praying for restraint of tongue

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

It is an al anon thing...and since I seem to be much like you in these kinds of matters (based on my limited experiences from the board), I feel your pain. I don't have much wisdom, really. I am sending some good joo joo your way.....let us know how it turns out.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Mark: First thing that came to my mind when I read your post: "Did they ask?" I tend to "teach" in situations where no one is asking for a teacher. I offend others this way. Its my job to say how things are affecting me utilizing the say what I mean, mean what I say, don't say it mean principle. It's not my job to teach unless I'm asked to do so. I'm also an expert in my field - meaning, the only one who does my job is me, so I bristle when somebody without any experience suggests ways I could do my job better or makes suggestions about something that really won't work in the situation. The problem for me really isn't the other person. The problem for me is feeling discounted, misunderstood, overwhelmed and a host of other feelings that come up when I'm feeling stressed. I don't know if this is the same for you, but it is for me. If I don't take take to reflect on how I'm really feeling about something and consider the belief that contributes to the feelings, I tend to resist truly listening to the other person's wisdom or experience and adopt an "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude. I don't know if this is true for you. It is true for me.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey pink, I am often repeating a prayer I made up myself especially when I go into situations where my verbal skills can be utilized as a very sharp knife. God, please keep your hand over my mouth, when it is necessary to speak help me speak your words of love, justice and peace. Place your arms around my shoulders so that I remember you are always with me. I am never truly alone Last off, please tie my arms down with your love so I don't strangle someone who I think deserves it .. I just don't look good in prison orange. Please do this with the highest good of all concerned. Amen. That second to the last part reminds me two things. I'm not in control when I'm emotionally out of control and I need a laugh. The God of my understanding .. his humor is just as wicked and sharp as mine is .. besides I know he knows my heart. Is it my need to be right or Is it a necessary boundary. Sometimes the lines are blurred for me. Hugs you got this! â¥â¥

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Mark I do hear you and am reminded of the recent reading in the ODAT. It quoted the poem entitled

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there is in silence. As far as possible Without Surrender be on good terms with all persons speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others even the dull and ignorant they too have a story.

i relied on this poem because it taught me how to share who I am without fear (I leaned this at meetings and with my sponsor), I then learned to listen to others and allow them to have a different opinion than my own That was huge. I let go of my black and white thinking and need to be right. I allowed each person the dignity to have an opinion and I allowed myself the same privilege No more pretend no more hiding, letting go of my destructive tools helped me to automatically treat everyone with dignity courtesy and myself as a fully imperfect person with the same rights

Good Luck

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Say what you mean and don't say it mean, I like this one Pinkchip. Also, I love that reading Hotrod, I think that was quite recent, so good, I wish I could be this person at all times.
Another one I like is 'I can live with being seen to be wrong' If people get adamant that they are right I can sometimes want to argue that I am right but I have learned to say to myself 'ok I could be wrong and thats okay, or 'I could be right and if they think Im wrong then thats okay.' Not sure this is helping but good luck anyway.x

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon in all of our affairs... so, of course this is the right place.

Maybe it's not about sucking it up; maybe it's yet another opportunity to sharpen your already wonderful leadership skills to foster the kind of workplace culture that makes you and others thrive and succeed. Model the behavior that you would want them to have. My best business successes have come from collaboration- when it's everyone's job; everyone has input, everyone reaps credit, everyone is motivated for contributing to a harmonious result. Formal job descriptions, special projects, formal development plans help put personalities aside and focus on outcomes rather than a roomful of egos crashing into each other. Creatively give everyone a voice and channel their individual talents. If it's label is "babysitting", then no one will want to do it; if it's something tied into bonuses, recognition, or appreciation then it's looking more desirable. Sometimes divide and conquer also helps.

Sending prayers and best wishes.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

We wound up allying and blaming it all on management :) A common enemy brings people together lol.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Almost choked on a bite of pizza with this one, PC. Thanks for the laugh. The intake of air with pizza in my mouth wasn't too fun, but once the Heimlich was performed, I was good to go. :

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Love a good plan and love a favorable outcome even more!!!

Tasha · Senior Member

He does this to a person often Gtobe - so BE READY AT ALL TIMES LOL - I've learned this over the past couple of years!

I can't believe how badly I needed to read this thread today! Thank you all for your support and wisdom! Pinky - you have brought this to the right place ;) Don't want to imagine what my life would be like without alanon! I was thinking about something similar over the past couple of days - and really, finding my fear under it helps me - and replacing it with faith in HP.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

An opportunity to practice program and be grateful for having it. Work the program and put them at the disadvantage I say. ((((hugs)))) smile

ClearTheFog · Senior Member

I'm glad it worked out to be less contentious than you feared.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Mark "To thine own self be true," always comes onto my mind, then,"ok what is the most loving way to handle this?"

I hated the staff room of all schools. gossip,eating crap, more gossip, griping about how awful the kids are, acting holier than thou. blah blah. so I never, ever was there. No one ever bothered to ask me why. I didn't want to hear the dirty jokes, smell the cigs perfumes, blah blah.

I wanted to sit with the kids, laugh, goof off, tease, listen to sadnesses and happiness. Share realness.

Was not into buying magazines or candy or paying for flowers and blah blah. as usual a square peg. I gave flowers to who I liked, made people cards, helped when I saw they needed something.

You are doing fine, I am glad to read how it turned out. Asking others opinions is a good way to break in. We can always just listen and learn how they think anyway.

Sometimes people just want us to show we are there. sometimes they just need to know they are appreciated, and you see them too.

I like how you take your career so seriously.For me i have to lighten things up, rattle things some.

sometimes being old now, with tons of experience, I hear or read this person acting like they know it all. I just smile and have this feeling inside of, yea they will figure it out someday.If I say something I sound like the know it all.

ex: someone says they have to put a fence up for a pig they rescued. I told them what works. hadem since the mid eighties. I cringed when I read they got wood, wood...I wrote well you will have the posts to put up heavy wire fence if she eats the fence or roots it down. A month and now she is rooting out the posts and eating the fence rails....sigh. they spend a lot of money on the wood. Well its not the cost of something that makes it work or be worthwhile...sooooo Lilly is a rootin to China.

hugs mark, so so so glad you are still here. love,debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Say what you mean, Mean what you say, but do not say it mean and let it go. I have learned since starting school, I am not going to enjoy everyone I am around all day, but I can make the best of it without being a pill once I get things off my chest and see if we can make head way, and if not own my part and move on. Sounds like having al-anon can help you through this one for sure. Sending you love and support!

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