The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A has been in AA for 10 months and we are all very proud of him. We do try to give him support without babying or stepping on egg shells. This "me syndrome" is driving us all batty. The AA is still using "recovery" as an excuse as to why they are neglectful of household/personal responsibilities. I don't believe in babying or sweeping things under the carpet so I confront a situation eg. I had a horrible headache (barometric) I cooked dinner (no not looking for brownie points). I would have expected him to at the very least offer to help clean up when he saw me cleaning up. He was in a hurry to meet a friend (wife of deceased sponsor). To which I pointed out this person could have waited 10 min while you help, reply...thanks for the nice dinner, sorry my nights are so busy. Yup what do you do with that?
When we come to except our A's and that we can not control or cure them we start our own program. We learn to become healthy no matter what the A does.
We can keep doing what we are doing trying to change them but in reality the only thing we CAN do is change us.
So start small....go to a meeting sit down and listen.
Keep coming back because you are not alone here.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hey gwyn - just from my own experiences, it sounds like you need to turn the focus away from him and to you. He's doing what he needs to do to recover, and so do you. If you had a headache, just leave the dishes, or ask him to do them when he gets home. Heck, if you weren't feeling well you can easily say, 'Hey, my head hurts, I'm just going to heat up something easy for dinner and go to bed. Would you mind fending for yourself?' Dishes (and most other chores) can wait - they'll be there the next day. Do what YOU need to do to feel better.
