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I have been in al-anon for about 6 months & have a sponsor. I have been unable to attend meetings & meet with her past couple weeks b/c of reall bad morning sickness from my pregnancy. My father went to intensive outpatient rehab about 6 months ago? He completed the program but still had some denial going on. I was with him this weekend and suspect he drinking again bc i thought i could smell it on him. I did not confront him. Tomorrow my husband brother & i are going to his house for thanksgiving. I am anxious about how to handle him if i smell alcohol on him again or if he just has bottles sitting out in the open. Please give me some words of wisdom.
Hello, L508: Knowing your Dad is drinking again is a good reason to up your meetings and calls to your sponsor, too, if at all possible. We do have on-line meetings here twice a day. The meeting information is at the top of the board. The three Cs come to mind as I read your post: You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Your Dad knows that he has a serious disease, that drinking will increase the problems of this disease, and that the disease is progressive. He also knows where he can go to get help. I guess I'd simply try to enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner with him if at all possible, keep the focus on me, and leave his choices and the consequences of those choices on him. We can't rescue them, save them, or change them, but we can take good care of ourselves. Come back here, too.
Keep the focus on you. Family celebrations and occasions occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas etc can prove a real trial if we let them and I used to let the obsession with the alcoholic ruin them for me. It really is just another day and it too will pass - try to enjoy it and if he drinks - he drinks. If it becomes difficult find a reason to leave early, is your husband aware of your concerns?
Keep coming back, it will get better for you and there is nothing you can do about your Father's drinking other than learn to detach with love,
