The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tomorrow my family comes for thanksgiving dinner. Every year I use my moms silver on the table. My mom passed 12 years ago and this is one of the few things of hers that I have now. She bought this silverware when she was a young woman in the late 1950s. She was proud to be earning her own money and saving these treasures in her hope chest for the when she had a home of her own. I opened the draw and pulled back the tarnish cover. I know there were six full place settings last thanksgiving. Today there are only four. I know this is the fall out from my AHs insanity over the last year. When I realized he was draining all the money in our joint account last year, I opened my own account and changed my direct deposit. I stopped paying his debts. I wondered if he'd stolen anything else from me, but never investigated the silver drawer. It breaks my heart that he would take these things that have such sentimental value to me. I wanted to scream and yell, but I realize that won't bring back my lost treasures and the yelling would only lead to chaos. I'm sure he took these months ago when he was on binge after binge. So what's the point of bringing it up today? He knows what a horrible thing he did. Its just another revelation of the person he is, as opposed to the man I thought he was. So I'm going to a meeting instead. And I am grateful for the good things and wonderful alanon friends I have today. I am not alone and I deserve to be treated with respect.
Wow- good for you for taking the high road and not ruining the day for everyone because of his selfishness. But maybe you could hide the rest of the silver just in case.
I'm sorry, Paris, I am truly sorry. I, too, have flatwear that belonged to my Mom. I keep it hidden in my house. It reminds me of her and her cutting out Betty Crocker coupons for a long, long time to purchase flatwear she was always proud to display on holidays. It also reminds me of all the family dinners we had together while she was alive and before she developed cancer. I know this is a long shot - but, could you check in local pawn shops for the two sets? Its the first thing that came to my mind when I read your experience and I decided to say it just in case you might be able to find it waiting for you in a pawn shop somewhere? Thank you for sharing the story of your Mom and how proud she was of herself and of her ability to spend her own money to buy those silver place settings. (((P)))
Hugs .. those realities that hit out of the blue I so fully can relate to .. especially looking for something and it's gone. You are working a wonderful program to know where to bring this to and where not to take it. It still hurts and it is still frustrating .. it is what it is and that acceptance keeps it real in recovery. Hugs s ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
