The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
((((EL-CEE))))...The disease is progressive; from my experience. My program of recovery must also be progressive. I see the value in what you will and are doing to keep the boundary outside of your life and home...I am and will do the same here in Hilo. Mahalo for your share. (((((hugs)))))
Put the letter in a God Box; sealed and unable to open again. The Box that is.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 23rd of November 2013 12:55:03 PM
My son, the son who takes after his A father in so many ways, including a problem with alcohol has been living with his friend and his family and staying with me from time to time also. I finally set a few boundaries around him since Alanon and they have helped protect me from my ex and now my sons destructive choices.
Lately, I have been feeling a little 'poor me' I don't know if I will ever get peace from alcoholism. My mother was affected by alcoholism, my husband was an a, and now my eldest son is too. I can relate to almost any post here on this forum!!! The logical alanon part of me says that I can still live a happy life with serenity I just have to keep the focus on me and I've been doing okay until last night.
My son tells me that his friend has started selling heroin and another friend has been taking it. He says he has not and will not try it In fact he was horrified when I asked him, but i admit I am now terrified. I don't know this journey, the old alcohol journey I know well, but not this. So, my thoughts go into overdrive, can I let him move in with me? hes got to get away from this family! hes got to stay away, I can tell him if he ever goes near them I will disown him, there must be something I can do or say.
This morning I am trying to calm my thoughts, I will use my readings, talk to my hp, maybe write my feelings in a letter that will never get sent and try to get on with my day.
He is almost 21, he is still young but he is old enough to make his own decisions. If i continue to do what I have always done I will get what I have always got. No more sacrificing myself and other kids for this son, no more living in fear of violence with this son, no more losing my own power, dignity and serenity for this son. I don't have to allow it, and play the old victim, martyr role that I know so well.
I have choices and I am like any other human being who has a right to safety, peace, and a good life if thats what I choose to give myself. I have to make decisions based on what makes me happy and safe. My life is just as important as his the difference is I can control my own life but I cant control his. Thanks for listening.x
I'm not surprised that your thoughts are whirling but my goodness your programme is working as well and reading your post it looks like HP has the upper hand
Wishing you a beautifully powerful, dignified and serene day (((((hugs)))))
If you bring your son home will you be able to stop him from drinking or using drugs? Stop him from see these people? I know your worried sick, I would be too but I also know I can't stop my son from anything no matter how hard I try short of locking him up.
They are going to drink or their not...and that's the sad truth.
I have found not saying anything except I love you son but I can't be around alcohol and drugs so I protect myself. You understand.......he usually says yes.
(((( hugs )))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I was just thinking that this could be an opening for you to talk to him about your program. Meaning, he cares about his friend but that lifestyle is getting to unhealthy for him to be around....and that is exactly why you had him move out of your house. Could be a chance to talk about how you can still love someone, but know they are not making the best choices.
My heart goes out to you in this situation. You have received plenty of sound ESH. I would add to that just re read your last paragraph. Your program is strong and your HP has your back.
Thinking of you, el cee, and sending my support and encouragement. I know how frightening this can all be. Keeping my focus on me and my day, praying for my son, and seeking the support and solace of others who understand is the only way I've been able to stay sane. I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back.
Thanks everyone, its great to be able to come here and share these happenings with people who understand. There is not many people I would share with. Jerry, a God box, sealed, sounds good. I'm trying to think how to make one.
My day went okay after all. I did some readings, went for a walk to connect with my hp, then spent the rest of the day with eldest son, who was actually great company, just for today, all is well.
The difference in my reactions is amazing to me, only 1 year and a half ago I would have became obsessed, depressed and hopeless with the situation. I am so grateful for this program and everyone here.x
Dear el cee, if you decide to let your boy back home even if it is temporary, is BEFORE he arrives, set boundaries that YOU can live with, think of every possible scenario that could happen, them stick to them. Iam thinking of you and sending you support. Og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
