I am half-way through reading 'The Complete ACOA Sourcebook; at home, at work and in love' by Janet Geringer Woititz. In reading that book I have learned that;

My behaviours and self-image is based on the stories that I absorbed growing up. There was much inconsistency in the messages that I was being outlined. That is why I grew up confused about myself and why I tried to be everything to everyone else because I tried to be what you thought I should be. What I thought I should be. I didnt know who I was. That is why I did not trust my own feelings. Was I acting normal? Do you like me? Am I likeable?

I had no positive role models or influences so I found them through other avenues like TV and those around me. I grew up in a distorted reality. I set goals for myself that couldnt possibly be attained because I didnt know what was possible or what was real. Remember, I thought television was the way everyone lived.

This affected my relationships with people. I had unrealistic expectations of you and of what a relationship means. I was going to have you prove to me I was worthy of your love and you were going to prove to the world by telling them how great I am and validating me. Afterall, thats how things happen in the movies.

When my expectations werent met, I got angry and resented you. Then I pushed you away because  I felt that it wasnt fair to you to be in a relationship with someone who put that kind of pressure on you.

If you show interest in me, I wont recognize. What does that look like? What does someone who wants you around look like?

 

Its not my fault. I was set-up for life like this. I need to change the story. I need to make myself vulnerable. I need to trust and let you in. I need to be honest with myself and with you. I need to communicate how I feel and communicate the basis of my reactions.

Thanks.

 

 

Yay Jim!!!  You're doing the reading and research on the subject "The Complete Slogan_Jim" or "All You Ever Needed To Know About Slogan_Jim".  I am always so supportive of a member getting to know who they were that they lived their whole life with and knew nothing about"  That's how it happened for me.  Trudge on the person you'll get to know is a great guy and awesome child of God.   He's also human.   (((hugs))) 

Hi Jim. I think it's good to work on awareness. It can help us understand ourselves but for me it's the acceptance part that takes me to a better place in my recovery. Your childhood sounds similar to mine. I learned people pleasing early too. I know that I felt angry about my childhood and the failings of the adults in my life. I blamed them for who I was and how I felt and the life I was leading. I recognize this now as immaturity. I have been immature my whole life. Kind of stuck in my teens with angry feelings the way an alcoholic is stunted in their growth. It was not until I became aware that no childhood is perfect. Our parents were never perfect. I as a parent am not perfect. I had to let go of my expectations. They were unrealistic to begin with. I feel much better now. I've accepted my childhood in many ways. The alternative is to keep hold of resentment and bitterness that continue the damage. Thanks for sharing.x

Great realisations in your post Slogan Jim. It is really good to read and grow (and as an aside your post describes my husband to a tee ) I've seen how very difficult these feelings can be so I am here, standing on the sidelines and applauding you as you learn to accept yourself and the people that you love for what they are. No need to push and test, they can make their own minds up and they are not fools - they just see something about you that they like! Tough to change the habits of a lifetime, but what a lovely journey you have ahead of you. Have fun! ((((Hugs))))).

Reading your update results in my feeling happy for you. I can't talk for others, but I can speak for me. For as long as I've read your posts at MIP, I've always liked what I see. I like seeing you looking at yourself in a way that puts a big smile on your face. Putting your bitterness into perspective - what a wonderful thing to see, SJ. Thank you for an uplifting post to see today!