The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that we should remember to keep the focus on ourselves, that it is essential to our recovery. Very essential. It is dreadfully easy for alcoholic seems to steal away our joy, peace, and serenity. Focusing on ourselves is necessary to restore those things into our lifewe need to refill the leaky cup. I just want to share some feelings I had about my AH.
I had a conversation with my AH this morning. He began drinking beer again (not sure if he was sober for more than a month). He of course has been denying it or blowing it off. I have not really pressed the issue, (or I tried not to).
I just want to share that while I was reading my morning prayers, that I was overcome with sadness for him. This is a never ending battle, this disease. He is not a regular person. He does not just have the stress of daily life to deal with. Most "normal" people can barely handle that. He has his disease to deal with on TOP of the daily stresses of his life. It breaks my heart for him. When I try to talk to him about stopping and how he needs to work a program I think I underestimate his intelligence. I think he KNOWs what he needs to do, but he does not have the capacity at this given moment to actually do it.
I took a small step back today, to remind myself the pain that he is in. To remind myself that he does NOT want to hurt inside. That he does NOT want to be ashamed. That he does NOT want to cause me pain. That he does NOT want to drink. That he does NOT want to feel this way. He has a DISEASE. I reminded myself of when I first started my own journey of recovery. I was exhausted. I could not "work the steps" la di da, like a checklist. I often could not bear to even think about the steps. It took some time for me to get my bearings, it took time for God to show me where I needed to go. And I often had to take some time to get there. I had to take time before I was ready to get there. Perhaps it is the same for him. Perhaps that was why I was struck with sadness for him when I was connecting to God. I do believe in prayer. God listens to each and every one of us. He listens to every silly little thing we pray. Now... I just need to pray for him.keep praying for him. Bless his heart.
Hugs, I like the saying "normal" is a setting on a washing machine. No such animal, i can certainly respond in a different way to the challenges around me. I wouldn't identify with normal if it bit me on the butt. It's so great you can find the compassion to see the disease. I have never met an addict, recovering or not who said at 6 years of age they want to grow up and be an alcoholic. Regardless I just want to causation while an addict had a disease they are still responsible for their actions and consequences of said actions. The only thing I can do is change me. I used to pray that my stbax would change .. now I pray that my hp changes me. As I change it forces everything around me to change as well. If nothing changes .. then nothing changes. I'm so very glad your here! Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I too am often filled with sadness for my ex - especially when I am safe at home, relaxed, doing peaceful things or playing cards and laughing hysterically with my daughter or family - my sadness is that he will probably never find that kind of happiness and how sad is that? I wish for all humans, no matter their station in life, to have those kinds of moments of safety, peace and serenity in their life and there is great sorrow in knowing he probably never will. I remember taking him up fishing for the first time in years he'd gone fishing, how much fun he had, how like a kid he was when he caught a particularly big fish, what a good day it was - and I get sad that those days are limited for him because he won't choose recovery.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
You sound really compassionate and that is progress in your own recovery. Good for you, Im not quite there yet with compassion because I am still working on forgiveness. I think we can feel sorry for them and their affliction and feel compassion but know that there is nothing we can do about it and we really need to take care of ourselves and have compassion for ourselves. I used my overwhelming sympathy at times to allow bad behavior, well with my son. I can see the pain in his eyes and I want to mother him which of course adds to his idea of him being victim. I try to take action on protecting myself from this disease because it only steals our serenity when we allow it.x
I understand your frustration pinkchip, it is sad. Everytime I attend an AA Convention I love to see those who are making it - sad too that my ex A never did
My compassion extends to those many people who have yet to find Al-Anon or this site- lonely, confused, fearful in a cycle of misery. My compassion extends to all of us in this program, with the tools for recovery but still either living with or the after effects of sharing our lives with his terrible illness.
Compassion is the key, I hate to see what Alcoholism has done to all of us but can be filled with joy at the signs of hope I see, on this board and at meetings.
I am having a sad day, for some reason my mind is wandering over so many memories, some happy - some sad - perhaps wishing things could have been different. I can sit with those thoughts now, I can feel for both myself and the alcoholic knowing that I must move on - baby steps forward whilst he seems to be stuck in the misery of blaming others/the world for the fact that he is alone.
I too am alone, in the sense of not being in a relationship but with the knowledge that I have fellowship with so many others, some of whom have become dear and trusted Al-Anon friends. I know in time, if it is in my Higher Powers plan that I may learn again how to develop the trust that I may again enjoy sharing and intimacy with another, but today I must sit - not feeling sorry for myself but feeling compassion
I'm glad that WE are making it. This disease is a killer for us, too. We can't do anything about our loved ones' choices or compulsions, but collectively we are dealing with and growing through our own. Letting compassion overwhelm us for ourselves and each other is a gift that keeps on giving on this board and can't help but touch our loved ones in some kind of way. That's my hope anyway! Hugs for everybody here! We continue to make changes that are oftentimes painful at first and later we see the benefits of those choices. Sending lots of encouragement and support to you, Sadsuzie, and everyone else here, too.
Thank you for this post. Yes it is possible for us to be relieved from alcoholism just like it is for the alcoholic. Drinking is just a symptom of a hurting soul - that a spiritual solution can conquer one day at a time. For us all... whatever our symptoms of our hurting soul. We can be restored. Sounds like you're well on your way to the healing, peace and serenity you deserve. xxxxxx
Thanks for sharing your recovery - experience, strength and hope. Your close relationship with loving higher power is evident. You have compassion and humility.
TT
"There for the grace of God go I"
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
- sad too that my ex A never did