The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone , I am ok today my A found a job my dr are not charging me co pays given my health status and free samples have been provided this is for sure to know my higher power see that I'm working hard to change me and given myself over to him and return he given me my path to recovery , this is something I could not do alone . My A has been backing off he see how sick and stressed I am . It's really hard for me to understand that I had to let go of the old behaviors that got me no where . I can't tell you how many times I surrendered myself to god and prayed that the change I'm seeking stays with me. I don't want to stay in my co dependency ways, LAst week I think I went on a rant about my A slip ups , I felt like he didn't deserve to get his 1 year chip I was disappointed with him because he was fired from his job and lost the health insurance . And he sat back and didn't shed one tear showed no remorse was actually at pease. I was the one with the problem I sat there with disgust in my eyes to say how dare you do this to me in fact he didn't do this to me . It was his mistake but I allowed my poor behavior get the best if me and I acted out . I realized I showed him no compassion and no support and found that finger to be pointing and casting blame on him because of what happen and he said to me how did you want me to act? Did you want me to react if I did I would of drank over it . Then I realized this is true! He handled the sititutions better then I did I thought only about my needs my selfish ways . I see this today that I need to stop looking for the flaws and no that the courage for me to change my selfish attitude is to let go and give it god and move on . I appolgized to my A about telling him he didn't deserve that chip , who am I to say that I'm not the one to judge him . It was my defect that took over I feel I should get a chip for all of my improvement but I didn't I got something better my courage and my wisdom and my sober Husband I asked for . So I'm grateful today that I can be open and honest and that makes me feel like I'm back on my journey . Oh and yes I can't denied my depresstion anymore it's ok to take something to help me get over my blue days I think I might find some happiness now . Thank you for listing to me
I learn by making mistakes, taking my inventory and making amends. You made your amends, now celebrate your success By the way, I don't like having to learn this way
Hi, I don't think you have any reason to feel bad about any of your reactions. If you were married to a normal man and had a normal relationship he would have shown his remorse for losing the job and you could have hugged and felt bad together and then gotten over it as a couple. Instead, he showed no remorse and you were left carrying the load of grief and loss. No wonder you are depressed.
Just know that this is what happens. You are left alone with all your emotions and can't share them with someone who is injured. You can come to us and share them with us or at your face to face meetings.
This is recovery right here. Rosemary, you will not stop having moments where you feel lost, confused, and angry - but you will get back on track faster and with wisdom. You are really really working this. Good for you.
By the way, I don't like having to learn this way