The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is sad, but when you take someone that has been an active alcoholic that long, he has screwed up everything and has not much left but alcohol and that makes him clutch on to it even harder.
Frustrating Jim...The question "what can we do"? has the response "the best we can with what we have" and then like you keep moving on. I've had a legislative proposal that I've been trying to get heard and passed for a long time and the most creative response I've gotten to it is DUH!! while all the other ones are patronizations and promises they do not follow thru on. It is simple, if a person has a demonstrated problem with mind and mood altering chemicals; such as DUIs and such their identification method must read "DNS" or "Do not Serve/Do not Sell" and then card or check identifications on each and every sale. The consequences get severe for people who sell or serve to a person identified as having a problem. The proposal also suggests that all mind and mood altering chemicals be moved into a "controlled substances" area like the pharmacy or special controlled area of the store. Bars and Night Clubs are easy to say no to right at the counter. Violators loose their own license to serve, sell or distribute.
There is no secret any longer to what mind and mood altering chemicals do. When I use to do the DUI classes here in Hilo I use to start with "please fill in the blank to this statement" and then I'd say "Don't______, and drive". Everyone got an A on that one before I went to the next one "Friends don't let friends drive _____" and they all got an A again. I might also ask the question "How many of you have gotten in a fight you wouldn't have gotten into had you not been drinking"? Hands go up and then the last question was "How many of you can leave this class right now and go down to the store and buy booze"?. They all got the point and didn't want to get the "No I won't sell or serve to you". My favorite personal definition for addiction is "the continued use and abuse of a mind and mood altering chemical inspite of it life threatening consequences". Until there is a Higher Power greater than alcoholism, alcohol will be it.
My proposal isn't prohibition legislature it is anti-enabling legislature. It threatens everyone more than the possibility of the disease being fatal. It is what it is.
Keep on keeping on with your recovery and build nice boundaries. Courage to you man...Prayers for you and your Dad. ((((hugs))))
You handled your call with your dad so well....I understand the feeling of weirdness having to handle a parent in such a way to maintain your well being.
He got out of rehab and all of a sudden Son Of a Bi**ch Everything's Real. Sober sucks so bad for this man who's life was devastated by his disease. Like waking up to find you've been in a coma for X amount yrs and everyone's left you, you're youth was wasted, you've lost everything, you stink, you're poor, you can't remember who you are anymore, you seemingly have nothing to live for.... etc etc.
It is crucial that he finds hope in AA with someone who has been taken down as far as him by a disease that doesn't give a crap who you were, what your potential, what color your skin or how much you loved being alive once. Without hope - and help - by someone who's been there and found their way back to themselves and all they can be - it is too much.
