The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel as I have lost my son.. I have so many emotions going through me. I just feel like hiding. I am so sick to his addiction.. It has controlled me and I have a lot of learning to do about detachment!! I have lost myself completely.. I'm so depressed.
Gaby I can't help but I can understand. The hiding part especially but where can one hide from one's self. Hold my hand and we will learn this detachment stuff together maybe. I really also think if you live in the northern hemisphere as I do, the dull, grey days of November are a damper when you are trying to get back on top of your emotions.
What good will you be for your son when he might really need you. He doesn't want to see his mom hurting...he really doesn't. It's only going to make him feel more ashamed and guilt for what he has done. He needs for work this out for himself. He needs to know your OK so he can find out what he did wrong, why and what he needs to do about it. Will it help him to grow up and take responsibility for his actions with you taking charge? If he can't live on life's terms are you going to take care of him until he's gone? He has the tools, he has been using them for 5 plus months. You need to let him figure it out my friend.
He is going to drink or he's not.....what are you going to do? Join him and become just as sick?
Pray about it and love your son but don't let the disease take you...it will you know. It's a equal opportunity killer.
The best hope you can give your son is to Let Go Let God
You and your son are in my prayers.....
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Maybe your at the point of surrender. Truly letting go. You have the right to a full life just as he has the right to choose how he lives. Detaching with love is one of the best tools I learned. Detaching gives him the dignity to face his own consequences and gives you back your life. Focus on you and the other people in your life. Look for the positives. We are here for you. Take care.x
Progress not perfection, Gaby. I so understand where you're coming from. When I first joined Al-Anon I didn't believe there would come a time that I could detach with love. It was a slow process - over 3 years, but I am at the point where I have "Let go and let God."
I can't help my son - he has to help himself. It hurts and I miss him, but I realize there is nothing I can do to fix him.
Are you feeling powerless Gaby?...When I felt powerless I knew that it was right next to Higher Powerness and I was on the right path.
All I had to do then was let go absolutely...faith, trust, practice, practice, practice. I once held my daughter in law in my arms after she had overdosed and was unresponding. I kicked my son out of the house because his reaction was interfering with the connection between she...I and God while we waited for what would come after the 911 call. That was years ago and she is doing something different now...not using. My son has relapsed and so has the family is the most insane manner and still God's got her and them and me to. Practice. ((((hugs))))
Yes, your children are a reflection of you, but his addiction is NOT a reflection of you. I believe parents feel guilty and ashamed as if they caused the addiction. It's sad, but you are powerless. Some of my current clients describe warm, happy, loving parents and "a perfect childhood" and some describe the opposite.
Your son is just so young...and doesn't grasp what there is to lose through this behavior (or is too young and impulsive to consistently care). It does not have anything to do with you (as you stated in your post above)....it has everything to do with addiction.
Prayers for all those suffering with addiction and for their families.
I know how that feels Gaby. There are no words that will help you through this....but it's so nice to have so many who care.
Know you are loved, and many of us know your pain and are pulling for you, and your son with all of our hearts.
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
