Welcome seeking~ I would say keep going to different meetings~ When I first started, I must have went through four sponsors, they all tried to tell me what to do regarding my relationship. They meant well for me, but Alanon is to heal controlling behaviors and codependency. Try to remember this program takes a lot of introspection and we are all trying to heal these behaviors and most of use have slips once and a while, trying to control others. Progress not perfection, the program works, but we are human, not one of us is perfect. One of the meetings  I went to did not support my religion, I was arrogant I thought I could heal myself and I dropped out of Alanon for about six months. Then I prayed one morning for God to show me what I needed to know, a lady showed up to my work that I knew, I told her my problem and she told me about Alanon...I knew it was my sign. She even brought me a book, there are Angels on earth. I would say if you don't consider a meeting to be healthy for you, listen to your intuition. Six months ago, I was going to a local meeting I had been going to for two years. A man there approached me and told me I would never get better if I stayed with my SO. I never went back to that meeting. I stop going to meetings if I feel like sh*t afterwards. I go to meetings that lift me up, support me, and that I can in turn do the same for the newcomers. The meetings should build your self worth, give you tools to use in your relationship, study the steps occasionally, and above all build your relationship with your higher power. You have a lot of support right here on the board as well. Blessings on your journey:)

Hello Seeking,

I understand completely where you are coming from. When my AH got sober the first time, I went to al-anon meetings and left them depressed and discouraged. So I actually went to a lot of AA meetings that were open meetings, and I got to understand alcoholism through that. But, I didn't get help/support for me. I didn't think I needed it like my AH also. I was missing out on some important stuff. Thus, when after 14 years of sobriety, he relapsed, things were bad. I thought that maybe after all these years, he could drink, in moderation. I believed in him, but I was in such denial that I didn't realize how progressive the disease of alcoholism is. And it progressed. Boy did it. And I wish I had had the tools that I am now getting from Al-anon. We are still in a rocky stage. He only has a few months of sobriety. And I have not found a face to face meeting that I feel comfortable in. Like you, I want to be positive and stay married. The negativity was hard to handle. The online meetings here are very good. There is support, but most important, there is the experience, strength, and hope that is present. It has helped me learn, to understand my actions and "reactions" to an alcoholic, how to detach with love, and how to take care of me. I am looking and want a sponsor. I do not have one yet. My life is extremely busy, due to my AH's newly sober status, which means he gets to meetings more than I do at the moment, as we have a 9 year old daughter at home that needs attention. I have reached out to some people online here, and my work has kept me from online quite a bit as well, but that has helped. My suggestion would be to keep trying different meetings, and to keep coming to the online meetings. And posting here. You will learn, and most importantly, get the support you need for you. And it does happen! It takes time and an open mind. Keep posting, reading posts, and it will help. It really does. I'm glad you posted. Try to join some meetings.

Lisa

I am offering to keep trying the same meetings or different meetings (at least 6) and then make a choice if this is the route you want for this stage in your life.  Before the program could work on me, I needed to be in a desperate, receptive, I will do anything for my sanity place.  I had to trust that the program worked because I saw evidence in the meetings and my way was no longer working for me.  I detached from the impact my meeting attendance might have on my husband, my family, my marriage, and anyone else in the equation.  I was sick and I needed help...even when I did not like the people in the room, I sat, listened, silenced that voice in my head that was saying:  I wish she would shut up, why does she put up with that, she isn't very healthy, I hope she doesn't want to hug me or talk to me, blah blah blah.  I was arrogant and needed to feel humiliated so I would SURRENDER MY WILL and that is when the program started to work and I worked the program.  Pride kept me from getting well and it still wants to be heard sometimes.  What a wild ride!  Glad you are here.

Don't hate it, just notice it, accept it and ask you HP to see the wisdom in the pride.  Usually, there is something we are protecting.  For me, it was scary to be vulnerable.