The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Number 1 is that I finished step 1. I now have 2 sponsors and met with one last night. She has been going to Al-anon for a long time and really knows her stuff. She gave me a lot of food for thought. Will be interesting to see what the next sponsor will say. I have a lot of stuff running through my mind so any input - positive or negative - I could use. I know I am not perfect and that I am part of the problem. In my F2F meeting Tuesday one person brought up yelling. She said yelling at our qualifier is like vomiting on them. We all kinda chuckled but she is right. Talking in a calm, monotone voice is better. Have I been doing that? For the past 3 days I have, but before that no. I use to think I had to yell to get his attention but I was doing the opposite. I realize that now. Keeping it calm is for me too. Ranting and raving is not healthy for anybody. I feel more in control of me. Will it last? I hope so, but I am going to have to work hard in order to achieve it. I think all of us find ourselves at a turning point. I am there. I need to finally get myself healthy and happy. I can only take care of and control me. No one else. I guess after all of this time I finally got that part! Thanks in advance, Jenny
I don't yell at him because I'm worried it will be like vomiting on him...... I don't yell because it raises MY blood pressure and I get way too involved in an argument. And it's like yelling at a wall. I'm lookin out for me......
I stopped yelling at my A when I realized that it was keeping the chaos in place, helping her stay in her addiction, and keeping me sick.
I'm a competitive person, and it helped me when I could see that by losing my cool, I was truly allowing my AW, and her addiction, to "win", as I don't like losing :)
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I yelled too. Now I think about the 'Just for Today' bookmark. One thing that stuck with me was Just for today I will keep my voice low. When I first read that I took it as a command to stay meek and quiet. Now I realize that by keeping my voice low I can stop the escalation. I can have time to think.
Good topic! Thank you for your honesty and inspiring post. It took me a long time to see and accept how I've changed in response to the insanity. I didn't like myself and felt that I wasn't being true to who I am... then I realized that I also didn't know who I was, so much of my identity eroded. Thanks to Alanon, I'm rebuilding myself and in much better ways than how I was before.
I agree Jen...good topic and thanks for bringing it home. I loved the responses they will help me grow more. Also...you'r'e doing good; open and honest...Grateful for that. ((((hugs))))
