The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
WEll, I have been trying to make amends with/ re-connect wmy Higher Power....or more truthfully connect w/him, really, intimately, for the FIRST time...
since then, the step 3, thing, I have been under MAJOR attack.....satan is creating havoc in my life...When i told HP I do NOT WANT TO BE AGNOSTIC ANYMORE, and to please HELP me, and HEAL my bitter, hating, revengeful, non believer heart , the stuff starting hitting the fan against me.....You all remember when I posted that I wanted MY step 3 HP, that I was sorrowful not having a "higher friend" , too...So I began working and thinking on steps 2 and 3 and my wanting to have a connection with that part of the program, too....I always felt like I was missing something....alone...no HP within or without to even know I exist....well if Creator didn't want to love me, then why make me???.
My loving adoptive family waaay back told me about their HP and how the indians loved him and they explained to me the native american view of Their HP...( i am about 1/2 cherokee indian on mother's side) ...I never forgot that, its like that teeny seed that was a teeny shoot started and nobody was ever able to kill it...not even my most powerful , human enemy, my sire...
I know this is not alanon and is off topic but cannot find my cousin, recovery mate or my sponsor to pray w/me....
This harrassment is literally screwing up my ability to focus, to feel safe, to trust me, (left a slow cooker on all night last night after i emptied my bean soup in my bowl) thank god there was no fire......didn't find it till today....Yesterday I was ill from the constant "one thing after another" barrage....like i have been under "seige" for some time now and its catching up w/me yesterday it all caught up w/me and i got sick, aching all over...could not focus...felt like i was "on something" but I was NOT...
anything just about that CAN go wrong IS.....the harrassment is non stop......attempts to sabotage my medicare change...my insurance.......my work computer doing strange things......and i NEED that computer for what work i have left, i do a lot of stuff at home............
near misses here and there, just harrassment.....
i know the big "J" is protecting me from real bad stuff, but OH YEA, the last of my drain pipes in sinks went out and i got another leak....so no guest bathroom sink till my handy man can come fix it............how many houses have 3 sinks and all 3 of their drain pipes go out in less then a 2 year period?? these last 2 were not even a year apart..
its just eating away at me
I am gong to pray and surrender
Tell my HP to take over....make it so devil has to go through HIM to get at me......ask HP to please have mercy on me and let me have some peace.........
it is affecting my work, my ability to focus, and therefore, losing trust in myself....had to put a note above my stove to turn off and unplug devices
I NEED some PRAYER to get these dark forces OFF me....my poor body w/my nerve damage can't handle this constant being under attack...I know I can ask this bc program is a spiritual program,and the spirituality part of it i was rejecting...now i want to embrace it....I know we are all in some sort of battle...this may sound stupid to some of you, but to me it is not........nobody's pain is stupid or unworthy of love and prayer....I guess it is my turn to holler "HELP" ......my coping skills are very compromised....i know this...nothing i can do but surrender it....surrender ME
thank you
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of November 2013 02:26:42 PM
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Rose: Please make a gratitude list. A very, very long one if at all possible. Then, make an asset list that equals your gratitude list. If you have trouble with any of these lists, we can help you add to them. I will pray for strength, courage and friends to come into your life who can support you, laugh with you and hug you, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 30th of October 2013 07:41:13 PM
Rose....I will try and keep my responses close to al anon. When I feel as it seems you are feeling, I do things that ground me. I read my al anon literature, I take a bath, I breathe and concentrate on getting through each hour. I will hold you in my prayers tonight...this too shall pass.
The spiritual journey is a life long process. We grow as we come to know the God of our own understanding. I dont really know about coming under a mysterious spiritual attack, but I do know that as I started to live in the light of a higher power I became more aware and sensitive to the darkness or negative energy I had been living in. And the more I looked for and lived in harmony with my higher power the more uncomfortable I became in and around toxic, negative people or circumstances.
Just a suggestion in keeping with Al-Anon, edit this post so as to not endorse a specfic religious alignment by identifying it. "The God of your understanding or Higher Power" would be a sufficient to give full expression to your post. Okay?
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
The spiritual journey is a life long process. We grow as we come to know the God of our own understanding. I dont really know about coming under a mysterious spiritual attack, but I do know that as I started to live in the light of a higher power I became more aware and sensitive to the darkness or negative energy I had been living in. And the more I looked for and lived in harmony with my higher power the more uncomfortable I became in and around toxic, negative people or circumstances.
Just a suggestion in keeping with Al-Anon, edit this post so as to not endorse a specfic religious alignment by identifying it. "The God of your understanding or Higher Power" would be a sufficient to give full expression to your post. Okay?
John
yea, i can relate , John and thank you for seeing that my post was not a Proseletyzing job, but a cry for help....I will edit it......and yes, I am seeking the light of my HP and its almost like putting on a protection barrier against the negative energy/forces, whatever one calls it, and i, too am learning to keep my eyes on the LIGHT of my HP and do stuff to be in alignment of that rather than the other
I am going to edit this post above.....even tho I know i was not trying to say "my way is the only way" just to keep it generic, now that I am thinking better, i can see where my pain overrode my alanon protocol......i had seen folks quoting the bible here, and also mentioning scripture or other stuff so I was confused...what was ok and what was not.............
gonna keep it generic....it does not matter WHAT HP I or anyone embraces....if it is a blessing, conducive to recovery, makes one embrace LOVE over hate....compassion over cold heatedness....truth over lies......acceptance over denial, then who CARES what HP one embraces??? I sure don't.....I look at the HEART , never the way they approach their HP....
that said, I am gonna edit the above post
thank you John.....I am a work in progress
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
In step 11 We seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God & "pray only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out" .I have heard in meetings that prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening to God. If I pray the 11th Step prayer I trust that I will have the power to meet whatever needs I have, or deeds I am to do and If I have acted on the knowledge given me by my HP then I have no need of fear nor anxiety regarding the matter as I have surrendered it to the HP. My Sponsor says either Be God or Let God and usually what I need to do is get out of the way.
We all have problems everyday and what we are taught to do in Al-Anon is to put First things First. We have to prioritize each day and may need to seek the HP's guidance if we are unsure what issue to address first. The Serenity Prayer is often a line of first defense for me when I find chaos or drama trying to creep in my life. For me the first thing is to get some serenity so that I can "THINK" with a clear mind.
In your OP you mention you have just worked Steps 1,2 and it is my ESH that we did not lose our sanity overnight and the process of restoration may not be instant either. I shall be happy to include you in my prayers and know my HP is happy to grant peace and empowerment to those who seek it. (KCB YANA)
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IF you can not be a good example; then you will just have to be a horrible warning
In step 11 We seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God & "pray only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out" .I have heard in meetings that prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening to God. If I pray the 11th Step prayer I trust that I will have the power to meet whatever needs I have, or deeds I am to do and If I have acted on the knowledge given me by my HP then I have no need of fear nor anxiety regarding the matter as I have surrendered it to the HP. My Sponsor says either Be God or Let God and usually what I need to do is get out of the way.
We all have problems everyday and what we are taught to do in Al-Anon is to put First things First. We have to prioritize each day and may need to seek the HP's guidance if we are unsure what issue to address first. The Serenity Prayer is often a line of first defense for me when I find chaos or drama trying to creep in my life. For me the first thing is to get some serenity so that I can "THINK" with a clear mind.
In your OP you mention you have just worked Steps 1,2 and it is my ESH that we did not lose our sanity overnight and the process of restoration may not be instant either. I shall be happy to include you in my prayers and know my HP is happy to grant peace and empowerment to those who seek it. (KCB YANA)
WOW....gonna save this in my library............and its step 3 i am on, now.....and i so agree....i don't want to be god, i want to LET god as i heard someone say......and yep...the serenity prayer is a good , as u say, first line of defense....i am soo coda and acoa, it is soo hard to cope anyway b/c my coping skills are compromised at best, so i need my HP MORE then a healthy person.....i may never be able to cope normally b/c of the ptsd and gen. anxiety disorder.....but i am gonna give it a shot and keep working on me, pray to HP to help me at the very least manage these awful symptoms that sometimes make me quite ill...the chemicals going haywire in my body is just awful...its not just a mental/emotional thing but ptsd/anxiety is a physical handicap as well..... another thing to lay on my HP....being my own god did NOT work.....so i fired me and said "I AM WILLING" to give my life and my will, and my body/heart/soul over to my Creator/HP as I understand it............thanks for the powerful es&h here.........i am glad u r on this board....U have a LOAD of good stuff to offer....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
