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Tomorrow is the day of my daughter's Halloween party.
People don't really celebrate Halloween in a major way in Australia; you get the odd groups of kids trick-or-treating and they have a few decorations in the supermarkets in recent years but it's not recognised by most so those odd groups of kids trick or treating are more likely to get a piece of fruit or a few crackers or a grumpy old person at the door snarling "go away, Halloween is for Americans". In fact there is a house in our street that turns their lawn sprinklers on all night just to be sure no-one knocks on their door lol. But my daughter just loves all things spooky and each year she elects to have a Halloween party rather than a birthday party and I think that's just plain cool, and the other kids love it because it's something different and an excuse to go to a party on a school night.
So she has worked hard, making decorations and treats and planning her party and I'm as excited for her as she is. The place looks great and she's planned it well.
So yesterday the A informs me, 1) he's going to mow the waist-high lawn so that I won't be embarrassed when the guests turn up and b) he's going to swap shifts at work so that he can be there to help. (He normally works until 10pm)
Well, my heart kind of sank at the last part. So, this morning he mowed exactly half of the lawn and left the mower in the middle of the yard. I guess I can try to pass it off as avant-garde gardening. Then he came home, drunk (he drinks while driving home from work now so he's already an idiot when he walks in the door, very clever) and told me that "since he has swapped shifts and has to work early in the morning, "I'm going to stay up all night so that I can be sure and get to work. So I'll probably need to sleep when I get home". And retired to his room to drink. So either he's planning on driving to work drunk, and then coming home and passing out, or on not going to work at all with the convenient excuse that he had to stay up all night because he swapped shifts so that he could be there for the party so it's my fault and I'd better be grateful. The logical gymnastics are breathtaking. So are my projections I guess, but there is a certain predictability...and where is the sense in "I swapped shifts to help with the party but I need to stay up all night to make sure I get to work so I will have to sleep through the party"???
Either way, he'll hopefully be asleep while the party is in progress and as long as he isn't in the middle of the living room floor, who cares? I just don't want anything to ruin this for her. And I'm nervous I guess, because of that chance that he'll drink right through and be crazy drunk tomorrow afternoon and I'll have to cancel the party and crush my daughter completely.
It's not much of a partnership, is it? When the best you can hope for is that they won't ruin everything completely? And I know, when he started mowing the lawn, and when he made the shift swap, his intentions were good. Last year, he was actually great; cooked the bbq and stayed sober and had fun with the kids. But it's 12 months later and he's much sicker now.
So, cross your fingers or say a prayer for my daughter or whatever, if you could. She's worked hard and she deserves to enjoy this.
Prayers, that it all goes well, Melly- I still have very good memories despite the storm of alcoholism. Somehow I appreciated the good times a little more. Despite it all....at least you have the Al-anon tools to fall back on. May you have a very Happy Halloween
P.S. I think I heard somewhere that Halloween (legend of the Jack-o-lantern) originated in Ireland, it might be interesting to look it up which I might google right now.
Well, I have to say, it went well. I managed the food while daughter coordinated the activities and she did it really well. One of the mums stayed and we chatted while I worked; she was really nice. Turned out she's married to someone quite famous and has been in one of his movies; thought she looked familiar. My A chatted away to her and she kept making jokes about how she wished her husband could have a quiet beer after work like my A was instead of needing 20. Lol. I kept my amusement to myself. I don't know how he was awake after drinking all night and then working, but he did well. Also have to wonder if I would see her if I went to the local Thursday night alanon meeting; it wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Kids had a great time and A kept himself nice, helped a bit and then chatted away to the mums later who all seemed to think he was simply delightful. In the end he took them all into MY office and they gathered around MY computer so he could show them funny videos that I had shown HIM. While I did the dishes. So I guess my blood boiled a little for a moment but really, daughter had a great time, parents were happy and none of the terrible scenarios I had imagined took place so why get peeved by something so small? They'll be happy to have their kids come again and that's a very good result.
All in all, a success
Thanks for the prayers and positive vibes!!
Loved the photo. Loved the update. Loved your seeing that maybe you were finding a little something to help upset yourself and then let it go? I have caught myself doing that at times, too. The good news is I can - as you are - recognize the question "How important is it?" when I feel irritated by something that really isn't a something that I want to get my b/p up over. There are so many other things I can use to do that! Much, much bigger things like "Why can't I dress up cute like Melly?" All kidding aside - I am truly happy for you and for your daughter. You had a really good party!
