The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night it seemed comical, but feeling the effects of it today. Some days when Mr Dry jerk has a bad day it doesnt bother or affect me much. Last night, I brought up my book that I always wanted to write and somehow we got on the subject of me going back to school and if I did what would I go for etc.It appeared to be an adult conversation.
Things seemed to be going well, a movie came on (it was part 3) and all I said was This is a good movie, but you really should watch 1 and 2 first, but ya, we can watch thisAND like a flash, he started to pick a dumb fight about something (I cant even remember what) Then said I dont even let him watch what he wants to. and now all of sudden I am thinking about life changing things!!He stood up and said I was being rancid, I was in a bad mood, I have changed and he refused to engage with (like I say to him when he is being unreasonable) LOL . He slammed the door and went to bed at 7:30.
I did my normal --- just sat there like, what the heck just happened. And last night was one of those nights I said whatever and My god he has issues and let it go with a laugh.But did I?I woke up with that pit in my tummy and so very sad today.So even though I thought it didnt get to me.. it did!
Just finding myself today thinking about if I really want an A in my life.Maybe I would have better thoughts if he was doing his part, but how unfair it is for any of us dealing with this when they are doing much to get better. Struggling looking at the disease not the person lately. Why do they have to look the same?
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I'm the same, IWTB. I can laugh off his crazy-making at the time but then I wake the next day so very sad and can't shake it off and start to question...did I cause that fight? If I'd used different words, if I'd explained myself better,if I'd said nothing at all....
I think that's the part where we have to "fake it till we make it" and trust that it will get easier.
I hope you find something that makes you smile and forget his very forgettable nonsense today. If he's anything like mine, he'll walk in acting as if nothing happened anyway.
If you re-read that post I sent you earlier - the one by Toby Rice Drews - it addresses this issue SO well.
You mention that you are starting to wonder whether or not you really want an A in your life - perfectly reasonable to be considering this, but rest assured - if you're anything like me (and the thousands before us), you likely go back & forth on this, and probably also send mixed signals to your A (much like they do to us). However, when you really are at a point of "I am getting healthy, with or without you", then that becomes decision time for many A's - some choose to get better, and (over time), you may in fact even get back the person you originally fell in love with - some do not.
No decisions needed today, but it is all part of the growth & learning process.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It's a disease of insanity and destruction. Thinking of things in terms of fairness keeps me stuck in a cycle of trying to apply logic to rationalize something that isn't rational. Acceptance takes tons of practice.
I'm also finding that I need to apply Alanon principles when life deals out random amounts of unfairness.
Working on ourselves and observing positive changes is part of taking good care of ourselves.
Thanks Tom, as always your words help!!! I hope someday I do get him back, cause I miss him very much! And YES, I do send mixed signals, it is so hard not to somedays :( THANKS
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
