The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think you have learned. This disease is exactly that - a disease of lies. We're being honest when we acknowledge that. Fortunately, we know the truth and hard as it is to accept it about this disease, it does free us to ask our HP to show us the way to live our todays with courage to change the things we can that help us to live them authentically and joyfully. You've made progress, I'll bet. There was probably a time when you didn't know what you know now about the cunning, baffling and powerful nature of this disease of lies. Look how far you've come, Jen. (((J)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 29th of October 2013 09:03:08 AM
I know that I can never have enough reminders that this is a progressive disease that robs mind, body, and spirit. it's not easy letting go of the hurt and letting go of expectations and outcomes. Being human, we learn one day at a time. Please be gentle with you and keep doing the next right thing.
Yes, so I've stopped giving them an inch as best as I can. Hugs, I know how hard it is because you're trying to be kind or compassionate and they use it against you. Been there, done that. One step at a time, one day at a time! I like what Cathy said above, I use that one often: SSS!
That's how alcoholics win, the disease is very smart.
I used to think that my wife had other mental conditions besides alcoholism. Turns out she is a textbook perfect example of an alcoholic according to multiple doctors and diagnosis. The lies, the defiance, the destruction, that's alcoholism. You aren't alone.
It will take time and practice, but I give my AD respect and try not to engage her. My old self would justify, argue, defend and engage her. It was like fighting someone who has half a mind and both hands behind her back. I used to think she was the only one who was sick, but I did get some fleeting satisfaction going to the mat with her, so to speak. It takes practice, practice, and it will become a habit. After a while, your brain will engage and shift into another gear of self protection.
You are doing fine. You caught yourself and can recognize everything that comes out of your A's mouth for exactly what it really is.
I agree, very manipulative. I only learned when I accepted them for what they are or for the disease they have. Let your guard down and the lessons come thick and fast. Your learning all the time and if your like me you will slip up a lot too.x
