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Hello All, Its Been a Long Time & I Have So Missed Each of you, and your ESH, and Love & Kindness... As Winter Nears My Time I Hope to Free up for More time with all of you!
Welp...Today Marks (3) Years Sober for Me... And I have to Say.. I Couldn't be Happier! I have Grown to New Hieghts, I have Made Plans & Followed thru, I have Knocked some "Bucket list" items off my List, and I have begun to Live the LIfe I Deserve, instead of the one others Made Me Feel I had too... I am FREE... I am Joyous... But Above ALL... I am HAPPY!
I have had to make some Pretty Tough Decissions these last couple years, and I had to Let Go of those Holding Me Down & Back... My Heart Still Loves them always will, I Just can't Per-take in the Lies & Deseit I Felt at the End of Everyday.. Nor Can I Pretend that isn't wasn't there! Some Broke a Trust I Don't Give to Many and for me that is the Worst Hurt of All, but It Hurts to Know it Can Never be what I Expect it was, but at the same time... Al-Anon Taught Me when I Place Expectations on Others, I am only setting myself up for Disappointment... I'm Glad I don't live there anymore...I have Made My Share of Mistakes, and I Have Worked Very Hard to Change that In Me! So Far... I'm Not Perfect, but prove to be Very Human...
This Dec. Marks (5) Years Since I Landed Softly to MIP/Al-Anon... And As Some know I went from "Missing out" to 'Jozie'... :) Jozie is Much More My Speed!
My Life is Still Crazy, but for me thats Normal... But the Amazing things are how true everything everyone told me about Recovery is: Like:
If You Keep Coming Back Your Miricle will Happen! Well I have to Say, It took YEARS to Open My Eyes and See that My Miricle is ME! And What I can do when I Put my Best foot forward and take care of Me! The Miricle is Not Owning Everyone else STUFF, and Only Rising to My own, the Miricle is Keeping my Side of the Street Clean from sticking my nose where it does not belong, and learning to be OK with that... My Miricle is Getting up Each day Thanking HP for another Day to get it Right! That is Just a Short list, My Miricles continue to unfold Everyday of My Life, When I am Open & Honest enough to see them... For that I am Very Grateful!
Or Trust Your HP: Well without the Love & Grace I have been Given by My HP I don't think I would be here! At least Not in this Glory...It is the Strength I Feed From, the Love I Share, and the Lift I Need for My Recovery...
Or Keep Coming Back, & On Days you "Think" you Don't Need it, Thats the Days You REALLY Need it: This couldn't be More true for me! I tend at times to Get on a Pity Pot & Just want someone to Fix it... But when I Drag my Butt into my F2F Meetings it is Amazing the Relief, & Recovery I Feel in My Journey!
Its been a Very Long & Grulling 3-5 years, but by the Grace of God, I'm Very Proud of How far I have come... I Still do my F2F Meetings weekly, I Have 2 in my Area I Attend, and both have differant views and recovery, even tho Some of the Peeps are the same, the Feelings and what I get from them both are Very Differant, but I Need them Both! :) and Just Heard Rumor our first ACOA will be Open Soon :) So Excited for that... I See Great things Coming :)
Its Amazing what the Loss of My Afather has Brought to my Life, I Miss him Terribly Everyday, and Next Month will be the Hardest with his Death & Birthday being in the same Month, The Same Month I had to Say Good bye to So Many I Love, But I Have Now Found Ways to Celebrate Him & His Life, and Love He Did Manage to Share before His Disease Took hold of All of us! I Still Have Moments where I Sit & Cry just Missing His Hugs, and His Presents in my Life, but I know Now He is Healed! He is Whole! I too Miss My Mother In Law Dearly that We All Lost to Cancer Not so Long Ago, its a Tough Month, but HP has Proven to me Time & Time again, They are With Me Always...
As Some Know i have been Caring for His AMom, My AGram since her Stroke on Mothers Day this Year, Along with my Aunt, She is Currently in Assisted Living, and Physically Doing well, but Mentally we will Never have her back! And Because of All of you that Continue to Work Your Program, and Show up for your Own Journey, and Share it Here, and at your Meetings... It Gives me Strength to be Patient with her, Love her in the Moment, and Accept her where she is! Often times I Leave Feeling Very Depleated, but at the Same time, I know HP is with me while I'm there, and I Am So Humbled to have this Chance to Share with her, in her struggles, and for her to know I'm Right there! These are times I Can't Get back! So I Cherish them to the Fullest, the Good the bad & the Ugly... She has not had a Drink since her Stroke, Only because she Can't Get to it! But She still Ask me for it when I"m there, and I Just Change the Subject, and she soons Forgets at least for the moment... Its Very Hard at times, but also Very Gratifing Knowing I can Do For Her... What She Can Not Do for Herself! Something as Simple as Putting Lotion on her Legs & Feet, Just bring the Biggest Smiles, So we do that Every time ;) My Sobriety Gave me that!
You ALL Gave me My Sobriety! You All Helped me Move One Step Closer to a better me, and I am Forever in your Debt! I have Never "YET" Made it to an AA Meeting for I got Sober in Al-Anon! But I Do Hope to get there as well one day... Next year My Son will Graduate & I Will Have More time to Fill in My Recovery where it is Lacking... But for Now, I continue my Journey with what I can Do! And that is Take Care of Me... I was Unaware I Mattered So Much Till You All Taught me Otherwise... So THANK YOU For MY Sobriety, My Recovery, My Journey...and for Allowing me to say! 'I'm Now Doing 3-5' Cause without ya's, I wouldn't be Possible...
I have had to make some Pretty Tough Decissions these last couple years, and I had to Let Go of those Holding Me Down & Back... My Heart Still Loves them always will, I Just can't Per-take in the Lies & Deseit I Felt at the End of Everyday.. Nor Can I Pretend that isn't wasn't there! Some Broke a Trust I Don't Give to Many and for me that is the Worst Hurt of All, but It Hurts to Know it Can Never be what I Expect it was, but at the same time... Al-Anon Taught Me when I Place Expectations on Others, I am only setting myself up for Disappointment... I'm Glad I don't live there anymore...I have Made My Share of Mistakes, and I Have Worked Very Hard to Change that In Me! So Far... I'm Not Perfect, but prove to be Very Human...
****************** awww Sweetie pie, its always good to hear about you, from you, etc.....and i see the above, what you wrote and I 10000% concur w/you.........i had to do major changes....and yep., once trust is broken, i can't reinstate it......i can forgive, even chat a bit w/them, but basically the relationship is done in.........human mistake is one thing....betrayal is another.........so while u r sweeping out your serenity draining folks, i was too.......MAJOR changes, and I feel so much better, more at peace, more connected w/me and my higher awareness............I SO agree with what u say above and I am soo glad to see a post from you...
we go back a long way, u and me and omg....u have grown soo much in your recovery, and iam delighted to have seen it. and more and better stuff is coming your way,, our way if we keep working our program and taking care of ourselves
BIG HUGS ((((((((((((((((Jozie))))))))))))))))))
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
What a lovely experience it is to log on and find your beautiful message. We have walked this path together since the loss of your father and I am so pleased at your growth and recovery.
As I read you post, I was reminded of the quote from C2C today from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful , we must carry it with us or we find it not It looks as if you are carrying it with you, and I am so happy for you.
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful , we must carry it with us or we find it not It looks as if you are carrying it with you, and I am so happy for you.
LOVE this....and oh so true......i guess the slogan "let it begin with me" has more meaning than one sees on the "first pass" reading that slogan......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thank You All So Much... I Truly Miss being here...
I Miss Reading your Journey's, Hearing your Amazing Recovery, And Even Crying with ya's When the time calls for it... I'm Making a Promise to myself that I'll be more Present... And I Don't Like Broken Promises, so Commitment it is ;0)
Thank You & Yes ((((((Ms Rosie)))) We Go Back a way's and I'm Grateful for you, You have helped me Carry on in my Recovery, You have Encouraged Me when I didn't Feel Worthy and I'm So Very Thankful to Call you My Friend... I too have witnessed You as Well, these last few months Finding a Gentle New Calm.. And I'm Happy for you as Well... We've Come Quite a Ways You & Me :0) ...
Welp ;) ((((((Ms Betty))))) Thank You... You have Also came from the Beginning of My Journey! You Never Let Me Down, I Can Always Count on you in my Recovery, that Means Something to a Gal Brought up on Empty Promises. You never Push, Share Yourself & Your ESH with So Many, and You are Always Gentle, and Your Honest & Open about your Own Recovery's Ups & Downs, and that is Something... I Apprecieate Very Much as Well... And Yes, I would Like to Believe That My HP Carries that 'Happiness' For Me, Cause left to My Own, Well... We All know where that Goes ;) Thank You for Sharing the Path With Me, I Truly Couldn't have done it without you.. :)
I Still Chuckle Betty, about the time You left for Vacation & I Had sent you a Message & shared My Melt Down, and Before you returned Home, I think I had sent out Another Message to say I was Sorry, cause I thought you was Mad at Me! lol I Had Myself worked into a Frenzy over you not responding "Right away"...lol..... And when you did, it was Very Gentle, and you didn't make me Feel "stupid" for my Panic... and That Still Makes Me Smile when I Look Back! Thank you So Much for Being you!
(((((Breaking Free & Grateful 2be))))): Thank You always Glad to hear from you as well... Thanks for Being here :0) I hope to Catch up on all of You Here Real Soon :) I Miss ya's All
