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Hi everyone! Long time no talk but I'm back with a serious problem. I have been doing me and have become very detached with my AH. However in this progressive disease he now started driving drunk. I will never drive him anywhere, any grown man is capable of driving themselve (not if your drunk, but not my problem) So..sense no one in this house will cater to his drunkingly needs he is finding places to go. (friends house, his brothers) When I tell him once he is putting innocent people in danger and his disease is spreading like wildfire, I say what I mean without being mean and drop it. However, I can't live with myself knowing he could ruin lives being so selfish as to getting in a car drunk and driving. I pretty much just answered my question right there. I guess I have given him a safety net to fall into and have made his behavior somewhat acceptable. Time to change, with courage of course. Actually writing this has been very helpful. Thanks for being here! Forever grateful for this sight!
If he gets behind the wheel while drunk, I would call the police. He is endangering himself and others by drunk driving. My best friend did this with her son and that started his road to recovery.
Its interfering with your serenity so claim it back, you could call the police when he does this, he'll soon get the message. Its his consequence. I know we are not supposed to create a crisis but we are supposed to protect our serenity. x
Agreeing with others here: I'd call the police. Actually, the night he got the DUI, I was picking up the phone to call 911 when it rang. It was him calling me from the back of a squad car. My AH still continues to drink and drive but he does it in other states, because he has the ignition interlock on his car here at home. I have toyed with the idea of calling the police in other states but I don't know where he is drinking, what kind of car he is driving, etc. Too many unknowns for the police. For me to have serenity I have chosen to go NC(no contact) with him when he travels because that releases me from getting drunk phone calls or texts and I can calm myself down more easily when I worry about him getting another DUI, etc.
As an aside, the DUI was NOT my AH's bottom and did not put him on the road to recovery. It's been a slow progression downward, though, and I'm grateful that he has the interlock on his car here. A few months ago he tried to start his car drunk twice in one week and the DMV tacked on another 6 months of the interlock!!! Honestly, it actually is one of those things that gives me some peace. You can purchase home breathalyzers or have an interlock put in your car through one of the providers in your state, too, but your AH has to be open to the idea, of course! Hugs, I know how hard it is to live like you are, because I'm there too!
I think we are all in agreement here. Don't hesitate to take action for all concerned.
It was sad though because after my son's DUI, jail time and 12 thousands in fines he still came out and drove. What made him stop was one time he drove to the store to get more alcohol fell outside the store and people called 911. EMT came and he refused to go to hospital but also didn't tell anyone he had a car there parked in the parking lot. Somebody took him home, he called me and I came down. He told me a lie of course but wanted me to get his car for him. I did it but in turn screaming and yelled at him for hours. I told him right then and there if he ever drives drunk again or if his landlord knows he's driving we WILL call the police on him. He stopped soon after.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I agree that there are actions you can take. However, just as we cannot stop them drinking, we also cannot make absolutely sure that they will not drive drunk. We can take reasonable precautions, of course. But alcoholics are cunning and they go to nearly any length to do what they want to do. We are not their jailers. Trying to be just puts us in jail. So even if he wants to drive drunk, you are not obligated to drive him places instead, or to stick around when you would otherwise choose to be elsewhere, or to stay in the relationship if you would otherwise be out of it, so you can monitor his driving. If you were to try to do that, you would even be rewarding him for trying to drive drunk -- every time he tries, he gets a free ride and someone to stick around and put up with his behavior! Powerful reinforcement.
Again, we can take reasonable precautions -- not handing over the car keys, calling the police if we see him heading out impaired, or whatever is appropriate. But ultimately we have to hand the control of the alcoholic over to the HP. We can't take over and handle the job -- it's simply impossible, and it just draws us into the insanity.
If he gets behind the wheel while drunk, I would call the police. He is endangering himself and others by drunk driving. My best friend did this with her son and that started his road to recovery.
((hugs))
OH PLEASE RE-READ Rose50's post..........all i can say to this....DITTO DITTO DITTO..........drop a dime on him...give cops his license plate # and do it fast...give them route he is taking and heaven forbid, he does smash into another car, YOU did NOT let this go w/out doing something.....I did this to my AH.....he finally started calling taxis when drunk bc he KNEW i would drop the dime on him in a heartbeat....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thanks for the comments. I decided I wanted the new pumpkin spice coffee from Dunkin Donuts this morning. My AH said he wants one too, can he come with me? I said sure and got the kids and we went. As I turn the key to start the car the radio immediately started and without fail it was Amy Winehouse, "They say I gotta go to rehab, I say NO NO NO" At that very point I'm not even out of the driveway I laugh uncontrollably. (funny one from my HP) My AH said, "that's not funny." Shoot.....I thought it was hysterical. Later on the talk came up. I told him next time he does that I will take the keys or call a cab he could pay for. As long as I'm breathing that won't happen again. He agreed it was stupid and claims it wont happen again, heard it before, But not stressing on it...When it comes up I again, I know what I need to do, and it's NOT letting him drive. I will gladly offer his mom as a ride also.
Its interfering with your serenity so claim it back, you could call the police when he does this, he'll soon get the message. Its his consequence. I know we are not supposed to create a crisis but we are supposed to protect our serenity. x
AMEN...AMEN.....I did this to my AH....AH#2 was considerate...he NEVER would drive drunk....the first AH did...he was selfish and it showed in his drinking/driving.........i called the cops every time i knew he was doing it and gave them the areas he would be in......a couple of times he got caught.....a #502 (DUI in calif>) is serious.....he lost his license for a while on the 2nd one............it never sobered him up, but he quit driving drunk when he got is license back (MIL dearest, enabler helped him get it back) anyway, my calling the cops finally stopped him.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
