The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I must say I am glad I'm reading and learning how to stay out of the way of things that can take me off my way to recovery . I have seen a post that was sent to me enormously and it's quite upsetting knowing that my A is telling false truth. He not being honest at all .and I can see how ppl have to look at it and respond to it only knowing that person side. This also shows me how alcoholism is a sickness and when getting better how fast they learn how to manuplate . I guess my A is seeking a reason to drink and seeking out a reason to prove he right and I'm wrong . I guess what I'm trying to say my feelings are hurt by the lies that were told on this board about me trying to kill my self and labeling me with a bipolar disorder when I been cleared of that . So last night I did get to a meeting and I did not let guilt stop me from going. Very good meeting a lot of healthy ppl there lots of support. Mix of ppl young old new to the program and some dedicated to there fellowship. I see the healthy ppl and I want to be like them . I forgot what the topic was on like I said my memory is bad . But I remember hearing ( trust ) and I jumped on that right away . How can I begin to trust my A when he has done everything to ruined the trust. Where do I begin? I know I don't trust myself . That's when I come on here and ask what I should do . I always second guess myself when I know what to do . So is there any way for me to build trust with my A again ?
Rosemary I am so glad you are attending meetings and hearing healthy people. Trust is an excellent topic and one I too needed to relearn after I joined alanon
Some people are not trust worthy and should not ever be trusted. I needed to learn to trust my Higher Power, Trust myself and then I learned to choose the people who deserved my trust. Trusting anyone does not mean I turn my life over to them to run or manipulate. That job will always remain with HP It means I know they are human, and I can share my thoughts with them If the break my trust, I can forgive them and move on.
Trust is accomplished, for me only when I trust HP and myself. Keep on sharing .
You are growing and becoming a Miracle in Progress.
Mahalo Sister for that post...Trust was "higher education" for me also when I got to the program. One of the things I learned was how to be trusting and then the next to learn "qualified trust" especially with and for those who were affected by this disease in my life, which also included myself. To learn how to trust where, when and how was huge. I had to stop trusting my alcoholic/addict as if she were normal cause she wasn't and I had to stop trusting myself that way too. I was damaged...and to trust myself as if I wasn't was not a good idea. Today at my morning meeting one of the members brought up just one of the qualifications of proper trusting...listen, learn, wait, think and then RESPOND rather than just jumping into REACTING. It was an old lesson from early sponsorship for me and I am grateful to hear it again. You're learning and with greater growth you will be able to trust yourself much more. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Some people are not trust worthy and should not ever be trusted. I needed to learn to trust my Higher Power, Trust myself and then I learned to choose the people who deserved my trust. Trusting anyone does not mean I turn my life over to them to run or manipulate. That job will always remain with HP It means I know they are human, and I can share my thoughts with them If the break my trust, I can forgive them and move on.
hey Betty, i sooo agree w/this......love reading your es&h to us....u set a fine example of what this program can do for us when we get humble and reach out and with total honesty work it......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
When you reached this program, you were led by your HP. This is your re-birth. It is the guidance you never received in your youth. It is the teaching of learning to respect and love yourself.
You will find your identity if you follow the path thats been opened up for you and you have the survival genes to know this is the right way.
One must only trust oneself. You are beginning your empowerment, and once you have that you must never give it away again.
Keep seeking and always return every day. One step at at time.
Trust was also hard for me to re-learn. I didn't trust the alcoholic at all. I do a little bit now (after 13 yrs. in AlAnon), but not with my happiness. I learned with the alcoholic that he could not be trusted to follow through with anything involving me or the family. I could trust that I had to take care of myself and the kids. I could also trust that my HP was walking through life WITH ME!
Keep going to your meetings and reading and learning. It is a slow process and you get better little by little.
My A tells lies to gain sympathy. That has nothing to do with me. What does have to do with me is my own honesty. Are there lies I tell myself about what I want and need in a relationship - friend or otherwise? If so, I need to learn how to trust myself enough to tell the truth about how I am thinking, feeling and behaving. And then I need to find ways to meet my own needs, some of my wants and trust HP to meet the ones I can't meet on my own. You are coming along in this program and you are learning to keep the focus on yourself. Very good progress, Ms C
Your wisdom is coming and it never stops as long as we take some time for quiet to listen. Sometimes I pretend like I have a Teflon coating and things people say just slide off of me.
