So I finally managed to work out how to block calls and texts from my Alcoholic mum. The final straw was when she said she had the flu and was in bed, she said the doctor had taken blood but she wasn't sure why. My mum is late stages alcoholic liver disease but still drinking. I went into a state of panic and rang the doctors, text my cousin (again), spend ages on the phone crying to a doctors receptionst and then a doctor rang me back and said she would ring my mum to point her in the direction of a detox. I didn't think she'd make it through the flu to be honest, so i was a mess. She had just spent a week on holiday in Benidorm with her friend on an 'all inclusive' resort and sounded rough on the phone and had been in an electric wheelchair all week (Madge).

Once again, my cousin rang my mum, mum minimized the severity of her illness, my cousin couldn't be bothered with either of us, i was made to look like the drama queen instead of my mum. Mum will say things to people to get sympathy so she will make things sound bad to me (victim) so that i give her attention and sympathy but then when i panic she will be like oh it's nothing to other family members, and vice versa she will tell them i've done this and i've done that to her, conveniently not mentioning what she had said/done first. Next thing i speak to my mum and she said how she's been to view a house?!! and was going for something to eat with my aunty the next day....i was actually in shock. For 1 she had asked me to view a house for her down here near to where i've moved to (but i didn't because she is the reason i moved away) but what i 'was' going to do was send her the local newspaper that she wanted me to send her. So hearing that she'd gone to view a house especially after she'd said she was ill, was again like a kick in the teeth for me. 

I am attending alanon and have met some lovely people and going to ask someone to sponsor me soon :)

We exchanged a few nasty messages to each other, i was sarcastic and she told me to 'xxxx' and get an 'xxxx' job and life...

I texted my mum explaining how i felt, but again, my feelings didn't matter to her and after i'd send 4 text messages she ignored me for 3 hours, and i sent another one saying this is what i mean mum i pour my heart out to you and you ignore me like i'm unimportant to you. She replied with 'Okay. I can't be arsed with your messages they are too deep. x'

She can't be arsed.... well actually, neither can i anymore, what am i doing wasting energy on someone who doesn't even actually give a 'xxxx'? so i put an application on my phone that blocks her calls and texts. Unfortunately blocked contacts still get a delivery report so she will think i'm getting the messages she has sent (2 since then) but they go into this application where i can view them if i want to. If she tries to ring me it will go onto voicemail and i will be able to view the call.

I have mixed feelings about this, i know that if i don't speak to my mum at all and something happens my cousins will make me feel guilty because they always say 'yeh but she's your mum' when they don't know the half of it.. plus, i may feel guilty. But i need to focus on me now and start to heal all the abuse that has already happened. I feel like letting her back in would be like letting poison into my life. 

I actually don't want this woman in my life anymore. I feel something for her but I'm not sure it's love as i am too hurt and angry, she makes it hard to feel anything but frustration and hatred for her anymore. Why do people think this woman is so nice?! she knows so many people who think she's great. The only thing tying us together is the money i owe for a car she got out for me, she has always used money as a control weapon with me. One day she said she'd get me finance for a cheapish car and we pay half each for the repayments, but then for months she went back and forth with it, had me in tears because she'd say she was going to do it then said she wasn't after arguments. In the end we went to a car showroom and she said how about that brand new one there, i was like wow really? who wouldn't want a brand new car, i'd never had one before and it was a beautiful Citroeon C1 a small perfect car, so she took out the finance (because i was a student) and the plan was for us to pay back half each. Sometimes i paid a little less and she made sure i was reminded of this and everyone around us knew that i'd paid less but most of the time i kept my end of the deal. Then my dad passed away and i was left some inheritance 24,000 so mum said i was to pay off the car out of my inheritence, which was fair enough. So, i paid the remainder of the lease amount, my debts, my college fees, and gave my mum 5,000 because dad wanted her to have something but hadn't had his will witnessed. She has always helped me out with money but made sure it's mentioned all the time, and i think deep down she knows she can't give me anything emotionally so she overcompensates with money, but this has never done me any favours because i've had it thrown back in my face 'you've been given too much you have', and heard family n friends say the same. But is that my fault or responsibility? and it has blocked me from being able to be independent and make my own money and manage it well.

Anyway, the car eventually went back to Citroen because it was leased out, and then they sent us a bill for over 1000 for little things (anything they could find) so I've been paying 54 a month and have made 5 payments but asked mum a few weeks ago if she can pay a few now as i'm skint, it's in her name and i didn't want it o affect her credit rating,  but surely it's both our responsibilities? she knew i asked her to pay a few months but i got a text from her yesterday asking if i will pay now she has paid 1 payment as she can't get anymore money out of her bank (which is a lie because she told me she had 6 grand in her savings a few weeks ago) so once again she is able to control me with a financial situation. What would anyone else do in my position? part of me just thinks forget it and forget her, but i will be called now to the family and made to look like i've left her in the 'xxxx' and how cruel i am......arrrrggggg

-- Edited by qwerty49 on Thursday 24th of October 2013 05:41:46 PM

-- Edited by qwerty49 on Thursday 24th of October 2013 05:44:00 PM

-- Edited by qwerty49 on Thursday 24th of October 2013 06:06:45 PM