The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I also had mishaps during the full moon cycle. I was on my way to work. Looking at the full moon this morning I saw something beautiful and you know why? My son was not out howling at it.
I think that was what got me thinking about him...go figure. ( hence my post this morning )
Detach with kindness and remember you are not alone and that full moon will give you peace going forward.
(((( hugs ))))
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Friday 18th of October 2013 02:37:43 PM
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Tea is brewing And lol Bettina, I know Mari, the tarts need to be gluten free please David, you can sit in the sidelines and make spooky noises lol, I can just see it. Thanks for the smile
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Friday 18th of October 2013 03:29:06 PM
Your car. Your keys. Your boundaries. If your HP has given you the power you need to do this, your HP will give you the power to deal with whatever happens next. You're not alone. HP will guide you and continue to give you the strength you need to say no and to continue to say no to whatever comes. HP will also guide you and continue to give you the ideas you need to find ways to spend a pleasant weekend whether or not the A feels angry, throws a temper tantrum, or sulks in his room with his drinks and his games. One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You can take good care of yourself and of your property.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 18th of October 2013 05:53:27 PM
Call me crazy, but full moon for me means Batten Down the Hatches; it's gonna get rough.
The A is angry, for no discernable reason and drinking. He mentioned going to visit his mum tomorrow (that's a 4 hour drive) and I said- nicely- you can't drive my car there if you stay up all night drinking. And I asked him for my keys, just in case, saying I would return them tomorrow if he had slept and was sober.
Well the look on his face as he disgustedly threw the keys on the floor said it all.
No matter what happens now, I'm in for days of hearing about what an evil controlling B I am and how he's never driving my car again (he seems to feel this is a punishment of some kind). Perhaps he will refuse to go to work on Monday again because "he has no car to drive there".
So, he's going to be very unpleasant and there's nothing I can do about that. And I feel that awful twinge of sadness because he's been so nice for the past few days and here we are again.
Taking the keys was probably a stupid gesture because if he's drunk and he wants them, he'll get them one way or another and now I've antagonised him. But saying nothing and hearing him screech off early in the morning would also suck.
I hate this situation.
Must remove focus from him and keep it on daughter and I. Must ignore taunts, insults and threats. Must find ways to enjoy the weekend regardless. And elsewhere, if possible.
I feel like howling at it myself, Cathy
Well, did one of you say a prayer for me or something? He put down the bottle a couple of hours ago, cooked himself some food, apologised and now is going to sleep, relatively sober.
Didn't see that coming
Yes Melly all the full moon crazy is over here now.lol
Hey Cathy could you send a prayer this way too please?
It feels much better though to be able to not engage in the crazy with them. Control is possible of my own behaviour.
A bullet to the head was a comment he made on the phone. My response...have fun with that and I hung up.(did I really say that??? have I finally reached the point to where I realize the alcoholic is merely trying to get me to engage and I'm refusing.) I am a very caring person and would never ever want anyone to harm themselves. I have told him he needs help and I cant help him. It is way out of my hands. He is well aware I called in the driving under the influence. I am not afraid to call in again. I will just not expose myself to his insanity and take leave if necessary. safety plan. check.
..the power of posting on here...just re read what I wrote. I am absolute certain he would never remember saying that. It was a desperate attempt at self pity...and I refuse to join in. I hope. Trusting I will know what to do when necessary. Can not project outcome. Moment to moment.
Well there is another full moon tonight so I say as a fellowship we all pray to HP for peace and serenity ... Friday night....and carry on with taking care of us. Meetings in order for all!!
(((( hugs ))))
PS: I will light the candles.....Melly you can do the tea and Mari the tarts
We are not alone
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Funny you should bring this up. My husband and I were just talking about how crazy the kids were acting, and I was secretly thinking about how crazy he was acting - and then we figured out it was a full moon, and then I popped on here and immediately saw this thread LOL.
I guess as always - it's best to keep the focus on myself, and try and take notice of how I may be affected by the moon phase if at all. I worked in a nursing home during school on an Alzheimer unit and it was SOOOOOOOooooooo noticeable when it was a full moon. I never even had to actually go to the window to check, I just knew. Then I'd see it on my drive home and just be in awe.
I always think that I of course am not affected at all -just everyone else around me LOLOL. Seems I'm not alone in this thinking! : )
It really has been a magical full moon weekend so far, and didn't at all live up to my crappy projections.
I woke late today to a beautiful sunny day. My daughter took the dog to the neighbours (they have a dog that came from the same shelter as our dog, at around the same time so they are "old prison buddies" and very best doggy-friends). She and their little girl decided it was doggy-wash day so a few hours later both dog and child exploded in the front door in a laughing soaking wet mess. I found myself in an unusually calm and happy mood all day and lazily did house-work in between watching a tv show on my computer. In the evening, A emerged from his room and asked us if we would like to go out for dinner. We did- to a local pub that looks out over the beach. Food was amazing; they really do it well and the seafood is so fresh!! We ate outside as that gigantic red moon rose over the water. It was just magic; I cant think of a better word. Then A took pause to offer us an apology. Head in hands, he apologised to each of us for his horrible recent behaviour and especially, the "pizza" incident which he described as "immature and shameful". I was surprised as neither of us had mentioned it to him since it happened. When we arrived home, daughter went to bed and A and I watched a movie. After a while he announced that he was probably going to stay up all night and get drunk (er). I told him that he was free to do as he wished but that I would prefer not to be in his company until after he had slept and sobered up. Surprisingly, he agreed and retreated to his room to drink and play computer games. Before he left, he offered another apology for various recent incidents and pretty much everything he has ever done to hurt me. I was surprised to hear him owning his mistakes and apologising for them without any provocation. It was a first.
So, I'm not going to analyse this or think that it means this or that. I am simply going to say, it has been an absolutely lovely weekend so far and I'm happy, in this moment. I was happy before A decided to be nice, but it was a real bonus to hear him being so introspective and honest for the first time ever. And if Mr Hyde emerges from his room again tomorrow, well, it was still nice.
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Saturday 19th of October 2013 11:48:53 PM
So happy you have a nice evening. Just keep it simple, stay in the moment and take care of you. No need to engage because it's so much better just to detach with kindness.
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
That's very true Paula, and the more I practice the less I can be sucked into a downward spiral and when I am, the easier it is to shake myself out of it. He did emerge as Mr Hyde yesterday, hungover, petulant and having an opinion on pretty much everything he could find that was none of his business. I just laughed, whatever. I still feel inexplicably calm and happy; I'm not sure what sparked it off but I'm not complaining
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Sunday 20th of October 2013 09:36:42 PM
Oh I forgot to mention, he came out of his room drunk yesterday morning and decided he wanted to do "dog training" with my daughter. I've told him before not to engage her when he is drunk. Well I said so kindly but extremely firmly- "you're drunk and we agreed you would keep away from us when you are in this state". Well he retreated to his room and played sad songs and I could hear him crying. Former me would have been in there trying to comfort him, geeze. We just enjoyed our Sunday and I left him to his drunken pity party. Somehow, I seem to be getting the knack for defending my boundaries. I'm thinking that maybe this is like riding a bike and I'll just keep getting better at it
Yes, you are getting better at it, Melly. Way to Go!!!!!! When we focus on ourselves, a lot of drama and emotional upheaval sure melts away from our lives, doesn't it? (((M)))
In the end I did him a kindness anyway. He was terribly drunk, would not have responded well to comforting and would have been embarrassed and probably very mean about it afterwards if I had gone in there and acknowleged his miserable state.
Oooooh..... spooky......