The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
From the AA Big Book, "The Family Afterward" (a great read with ANSWERS, which we are always seeking!):
"Our loyalty and the desire that our husbands hold up their heads and be like other men have begotten all sorts of predicaments. We have been unselfish and self-sacrificing. We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands reputations. We have prayed, we have begged, we have been patient. We have struck out viciously. We have run away. We have been hysterical. We have been terror stricken. We have sought sympathy. We have had retaliatory love affairs with other men.
Our homes have been battle-grounds many an evening. In the morning we have kissed and made up. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. Our men have sworn great solemn oaths that they were through drinking forever. We have believed them when no one else could or would. Then, in days, weeks, or months, a fresh outburst."
No, I don't relate to it. HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Fortunately, many years in Al-Anon being focused on myself with our Al-Anon readers, a sponsor, the fellowship and a willingness to take care of myself in new ways has helped me do what I need to do for me.
like grateful said......."oh noooooooooooooooooooooooo didn't relate at all..........all foreign to me, LOLOLOLOLOL
oh yea, i didn't retaliate w/any other men, though except when AH #1 was unusually horrible to me, my g.f. took me to dinner at a place that has a band...and she wanted to comfort me.....we ate........drank some beers........danced w/a few guys and this really "buff" dentist really wanted to date me....I told him i was still married, leaving, but still married and NO guys until I am OUT of that house and free........he walked me to my car, told me i was honorable and gave me his card to call him......omg...he even wanted to help me get out and into my own place, but I did not want to have a GUY help me LEAVE a guy....and be obligated.....nooooo do it myself and therefore NO strings attached.......I did let him kiss me goodnight.......one kiss........i was surprised i remembered how ya do it (kissing)............when i was leaving AH#1, i did tell him about that night.........i wanted to be honest w/him.......i told him that his "next relationship" he better not starve her for affection b/c she could go further than what I did.....all i had left was my honor.......wasn't gonna give that up too, yea, it was wrong to let him kiss me good night...it was a weak moment on my part, i was sooo starved for affection......being rejected by mother.....father's affections were evil..........then this marriage......more rejection..........i let the dentist kiss me good night....not right, but human
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I checked my C2C reader, but didn't see anything about setbacks in today's reading? I picked 10/17, WTI. Was that the date you were referring to or was I missing your meaning for today? I'm confused. Maybe I had the wrong date that you were referring to?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 17th of October 2013 08:33:33 PM
I believe that anyone who has lived with the disease of alcoholism can certainly related to the paragraphs you posted from the AA Big Book. I believe that was the main reason that I found alanon. I had done all the things I could think of to manipulate the situation and yet he still drank and I felt crazy, lost, invisible and hopeless
Ok it goes back to the days when AA's were all men and Alanon were the wives! It was all in "When Love Is Not Enough" For most of my time in Alanon I have had to 'read between the lines'.
But The Big Book still speaks to me. Over the last 40 years women became equals. I applauded that because of what it meant to my mum. It means today that both women and men can be friends. That is awesome!
I think that this fact, and this change, brings great strength to our programme. Being in Alanon I was in The Dress Circle through all of these changes.
My principal A. never ever tried to quit drinking. He got sober the day he died. So I was in a space before the family circus the Big Book describes. I have been through similar within my own marriage when my wife took up another addiction. The notions in the book were not helpful- they were essential!
We both either tried to run, or in my case i was threatened with the door any amount of times. I suppose if I had left it would have put an end to her anger? I think not.
Of course! But...not the affairs part. I did stay true for all the years we were together. Only to find out at the end that he wasn't (still can't put my finger on when that happened...but I digress.)
Now, it's all about me. Kind of...in that I take care of me first and my daugher - sometimes in reverse, depending...and then a relationship second! And NO addicts! No drug problems, no alcohol problems - no, no, no!
As a side note...I can tell you that no matter how hard I try to stay away from those type - and I am winning that war - I do find that if I am in a room of singles I am drawn towards the addict 99% of the time. It's like a magnetic force. I can pick them out of a crowd in a heartbeat. It drives me nuts! But now, I just disregard...I don't have time for that!
I want to admit, WTI, that I don't see me in most of that share from the BB anymore. I can remember back to that time, but don't return to the behaviors much anymore. I've got others I'm needing to work on now, but I sure can remember when I did do all that stuff. Of course, we never "ARRIVE," there's always something new for us to see and to develop or to reduce. I'm just glad for the reminder that I am always a work in progress. Otherwise, I get stuck in the past version of "me," or working towards the future version of "me." Just being where I am and who I am today and accepting that is enough for me now. Glad to see you at the board, sister.
Have you by chance looked at Courage to Change today ?
It helped me see how awesome "setbacks" are...because they're not really that at all!
We are always growing.
No. I didn't read it today. ODAT instead. I'll have to check it out when I get home tonight. Thanks. I'm glad it was helpful to you today. I agree. We are always growing if we work this program!!!!!!!! I'm stubborn, so its slow sometimes, but I'm growing as you are and its all that matters today. (((WTI)))
I've read that part of the BB so many times and there are times I can't relate or 'get it' and there are times when it all makes sense. Today: it made sense and was totally relatable, LOL! And, now, you guys have reminded me that I haven't read my Courage to Change yet today.
I want to admit, WTI, that I don't see me in most of that share from the BB anymore. I can remember back to that time, but don't return to the behaviors much anymore. I've got others I'm needing to work on now, but I sure can remember when I did do all that stuff. Of course, we never "ARRIVE," there's always something new for us to see and to develop or to reduce. I'm just glad for the reminder that I am always a work in progress. Otherwise, I get stuck in the past version of "me," or working towards the future version of "me." Just being where I am and who I am today and accepting that is enough for me now. Glad to see you at the board, sister.