The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been seeing my therapist on a more regular basis since I've been struggling with the crap with my boyfriend that moved me back to Ohio. It's starting to threaten my own sobriety/recovery. I was this close to calling my neurologist and say "Sure! Go ahead and prescribe me vicodin for the pain and the hard core benzos and downers you have been wanting to give me." But I can't because I can't put myself at risk of abusing that again and really screwing myself over. So I guess it's back to NA I got. =(
My therapist pointed out that I am very timid about everything I do and I always have to justify and rationalize everything, even if that thing is something that can save my life and limb. I guess I"m used to being bullied by my father and brother and had to explain my way through everything.
So yeah. Today was hard. The Alnanon meeting was hard because this one woman read me the riot act and was really nasty to me and it triggered all sorts of crap.
I do think about breaking it off with him. His family is even crazier than mine is. At least mine hasn't pulled guns on each other. What is it about Southern European families that has a special kind of crazy?
Hi. Good work. You chose to live with temporary discomfort and said no to what you know is poison for you. You're seeing that returning to NA is a better way for you.
As far as the Al-Anon meeting, I've had similar experiences in some meetings - not folks reading me the riot act or being extremely nasty - but other unpleasant experiences that I couldn't justify as reasons for me to discontinue getting the help I needed in Al-Anon. I just changed from one group to another if I needed to do that. Those of us in Al-Anon are sick, too, but the good news is, we get better if we keep working the program. I'm glad you're choosing to do that, too?
To some degree, all families are a little on the crazy side, so none of us are alone in that. Even the most successful of us believe that getting out on icy, winter roads to drive up and down perilous roads to go to the drycleaners is healthy, sane behavior.
All in all, from what I read in your share, you are one brave woman willing to do what you can to save your life and to improve the quality of it.
I'm sorry that one of our Al-Anon membership forget herself for whatever reason she had. I'm glad you know that it isn't you and it isn't her. It is that crazy-making disease we are all progressing through one day at a time.
I hope a little cyberspace hug from me to you will help offset a hard day for you - at least a little? Keep coming back. You're part of our family now. (((b)))
I do think about breaking it off with him. His family is even crazier than mine is. At least mine hasn't pulled guns on each other. What is it about Southern European families that has a special kind of crazy?
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when I am thinking of leaving or staying, my accountant mind goes to work........i do a big sheet of yellow line paper (i like yellow, but white is fine, lol) and I draw a line down the center.....
on the top i put on the left.....good things about relationship
on the right...sucky things about the relationship
if the right side is "top heavy" i think "ok, what was my pay off staying in this relationship"....and i get into the steps and figure it out......talk to my sponsor...get her feedback....feedback from my other recovery folks i trust..........there has to be a fear or a issue about my self esteem keeping me in the relationships that suck the life out of me........i am whittling them down, in my life and it feels so freeing to just peacefully walk away.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Aloha (((Bijela)))...Loved your post cause its full of recovery and courage. Yay for you saving your sobriety first. Yay for you not letting anything drive you back to using...that is the same stuff I value...ALOT...cause mental and emotional bruises and attacks drive us toward our anesthesia which brings us face to face with insanity and death. Love this post. I am also a double and the "isms" most times are amazing. I was working a client this afternoon and had not eaten or drank any water...why? that is what I habitually did back when. Did I think that all of the time I've been sober would change that completely...If I did I was back into delusions because when I opened their refrigerator to see what was available...there was some juice, a bottle of cold fresh water and three cans of beer. Isn't it crazy that I closed the refer door because the beer was there and didn't consider the water or juice. I inventoried a few minutes later and realized that is exactly how I use to do it when I was drinking. Thank you God cause it came out different...sobriety first even though I didn't use water or juice.
Stay with it sister cause you're sooooo important clean and sober. When I say no to a pill pusher...it's NO!! cause the consequences are not that I get my mind on straight...the consequences are that I get drugged out and don't care about my mind at all. I'm hanging with you on this. Mahalo...Thanks (((((hugs)))))
