The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. Welcome to MIP. I'm not sure if you're a member of Al-Anon? We've learned that even if we are no longer married to the A, we have still been affected by the disease as it infects the entire family. If you don't attend Al-Anon meetings, which are for us and not the A, we suggest to others that attending meetings can make a big difference for us. We also have on-line meetings here that we suggest as supplements to regular face to face Al-Anon meetings where you can obtain Conference Approved Literature, listen, learn and share with others in the Al-Anon program, get a sponsor, work the steps and learn the slogans. Al-Anon is a spiritual program - not a religious one. Many Al-Anon members come from different faith backgrounds or none. Each member is encouraged to define their own Higher Power in this program. Some do name their HP - God - because it works for them. Others just refer to their Higher Power (HP). Keep coming back here, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 13th of October 2013 09:33:14 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 13th of October 2013 09:34:04 PM
So I'm new, and I don't know any of you. Last weekend, my ex-husband told me his girlfriend was moving out, and he cried and cried. He finally realized the damage his drinking has done to those he loves the most. Thankfully, he drinks alone or at home when the children are asleep and stays sober at work (I think) But it was healing somewhat, knowing he finally had the courage to say he was the one with the problem, when for 9 years, I began to believe I was never good enough, or I was too controlling.
But ultimately, after 3 and a half years, I think I have the courage to tell him what his drinking cost ME, because he's finally admitted he lost control and he knew the verbal abuse that came from having too many, and never knowing when to quit before the anger consumed him. It's funny, as his EX-wife, how much, despite the torture, I forgave him a long time ago, and how proud I would be to help his recovery. Anyway. That's where I'm starting.
HI everyone. No God stuff please. I love you all anyway.
I've been to a couple formal meetings, and read the literature. I just want to hide away in forums for a while. It's almost a cliche to say how busy I am, but I work 2 jobs to support my home and 3 children. I just want to anonymously view/vent a pain that only we understand. That it and that's all.
I am a single Mother, too, and worked multiple jobs to support my family. Al-Anon was a lifeline for me - especially when the family disease of alcoholism was making itself known in my grown son. I vented a lot when my kids were younger. Working the Al-Anon program more earnestly back then may have helped arrest this disease in my family earlier? We don't cause, control or cure alcoholism, but we can help minimize its effects on our children by becoming active in the Al-Anon program if we choose.
I get the HP stuff I do. I have One. I just cannot define Him. But He lives in me, or I wouldn't have survived. It took my several years to realize the pain and loss of living with, hoping for, trying to change, the A's I loved and lost, or let go before I let them define me. I came here to be inspired. I came here because some days, I am at a loss for words and no one understands the pain behind discovering "YOU" when you're entire world was living by the standards someone else set for you, inspired from the wise Jack Daniels, or Coors Light. I laugh, because if I don't I cry myself to sleep.
Thanks for letting me in.
We've been there or are working our way through what you're going through. We get it. You're in the right place. You don't have to define an HP to become a member of MIP or even of Al-Anon. That comes in time. We have some members of Al-Anon who say they are agnostic or atheists. That's just fine by us. This program helps us move through the pain that you're describing one day at a time. Just reading the shares or going to meetings and listening is okay by us, too. Some of us went to meetings and just listened and never talked for a whole year. You're with friends here. We help each other understand better the ways this disease has affected us and we help each other learn ways to find serenity and peace. (((KS))) So good to meet you.
So happy that you found us and reached out. Alanon is a great program of recovery for living with the disease of alcoholism . The Steps and Slogans saved my sanity and life. I do understand the pain of which you speak and know you will find an outlet here.
Welcome to MIP- you're in the right place and I'm glad you're here.
I understand how important it can feel to have validation from your ex to understand how the disease affected you- and- I hope your ex comes through for you. My exAH is still active in his addiction, and, he is unable to look at how the disease has affected me and our daughter; however, I am learning to find the support and validation that I need in the program.... there is hope.
Welcome Misty,
I admire your awareness and the focus you can place on yourself and your needs.
I have often thought that I would love AH to acknowledge what his behaviour unleashed and how hurtful it has been. I think that I desired this because it would be an acknowledgement of my own version of the reality of those dark days. And sometimes I am a little scared of him doing all the right things as well because I'm not sure if I want to fall back in love with him again. So I take my time and am learning to listen to my instincts
Reading these boards has helped me a lot. It is a good place to 'hideout' and figure things out.
I read your comments and its like looking into my future. My alcoholic husband has moved out and is living with his enabler grandparents (huge part of why he is who he is today) and I am working a lot and rasing our 3 children by myself. I am moving past the place where there is hope that he will get better or come home and into the place where I hope that I can step outside of my own hurt to be supportive of him in the future when his grandparents die and he is left alone and responsible for himself for the firs time in his life. His counselors and pshychiatrist have told us that he will not admit to his problem or seek help until he hits rock bottom and loses everything. So as long as he has grandparents who are supporting his problems and pretending that he does nothing wrong, he will not get better. And I will not waste more of my life waiting for that to happen. So now I hope that I can just learn to take care of myself and my children and eventually forgive him for what he did to us. And maybe someday down the road I can be there for him when he has no one else left and needs a support system. But maybe I wont. Maybe I wont be strong enough. Its hard to see years ito the future without knowing where your life will be tomorrow. I hope that if and when I am in your shoes, I will be able to. Until then I will just continue to take thins one day at a time.
I am thankful now, at least I know, I cannot control or fix anyone. I can choose to love them despite the disease, but choose to walk away from the torture of emotional abuse and attempts at control. My ex-husband continues to be my friend during his recent break-up with his long term girlfriend. She (the ex) reached out to me yesterday via text and said, "I get it now, thank you, and I am sorry."
How sad I was so hopeful she would always be there for him in a way I could not. We are very different; her and I, in every possible way, yet we have that one bond; one connection. We both loved a man who tore us apart with his emotional outbursts tied to alcoholism. I would have warned her, but she would not have listened. We all find out in our sad, hard way.
