The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am going to the book store tomorrow (they were always kind of my get away place for some reason and I don't even like to read that much). Anyway, do they sell Al-Anon material at book stores. This one would be Barns and Noble. I figured while I am there I can start getting some if they don't cost to much. Any suggestions on what one I should start with? I am getting the one "Getting them sober" but any other ones you think would be a good start would help me :)
I hope all had a good night last night, I know how tired you can get. Missing very much today my babes touch and kiss, the real one not this robot one!!! It has been at least 3 months since I have had the real genuine one. Do dry drunks feel love or feel anything good at all???? We still have sex and snuggle but the love side of him is gone, I know he loves me but that feeling.. does this make sense???
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
There is much literature at meetings - and lists/links to literature on the main page of this site. Hope for today and courage to change are two little pieces of golden serenity : )
I could give you a big long answer on dry drunk and how it feels - but I don't have time.
How about you answer this: How much do YOU love YOU?
If the answer is only a little or not very much (the honest answer, not the answer for show) then I would suggest working the steps of this alanon program for YOU - and discovering how people just like you learned to love themselves, build self esteem, self respect and self worth - and changed their lives for the better no matter what was going on around them, or who was capable of loving them.
There are a lot of amazing people right here on this board, but it's going to be giving YOU the best possible chance at a great recovery, to use this ALONG SIDE live meetings. And you deserve it.
Ya I see they have a lot on here and I am sure at meetings as well, I was going to grab one (hard copies) while I was there........... I am sure they have a whole section in this area. :)
I learned to love myself after my divorce and break down 10 yrs ago, I get all that and what a hard thing to learn!!!!!!!! As a matter of fact, it is hard to hold onto this because of that! I seem to be breaking my own rules . And chose to come here to continue my personal growth in this NEW and scary area. And yes, I lost some of what I had and learne dealing with this, but not 100% and I don't plan on it!!!!! :)
I know I will never know how it feels or what someone is going through, it is just nice to hear from someone who has gone through it, because as you know you cant talk or ask the dry drunk. THANKS
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I enjoyed the book "When love is not enough" the story of Lois Wilson. I am a history junky and always like to know the origins of everything. I also understand there is a book called Courage to Change that has been helpful to many.
Good luck!
M
Right. You can't know and thank God for that! It would be as pointless as trying to explain what birthing a child feels like to a guy! It hurts. Enough said.
You can purchase books for Al-Anon through our World Service Office for Al-Anon. That is conference approved literature. It is helpful to have that literature and some of the free downloads that are usually put in our newcomer's packets. It is more helpful to have the literature with folks in the Al-Anon fellowship at meetings and a sponsor, too. Learning to put the focus on ourselves is a practice effort that is aided by others who have done it for some time and can understand the difficulties of living with ourselves since being affected by a disease that we are powerless to cause, control or cure. You can also purchase our conference approved literature at our meetings. Some of the books that are suggested here are not conference approved literature for Al-Anon, but some of the family have found helpful to them. Codependent No More is often suggested, but it is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature that is recommended reading in all our Al-Anon groups. Attending Al-Anon meetings also helps us learn the difference between suggested reading and Al-Anon approved reading that is for all members of Al-Anon worldwide. I do hope you can find an Al-Anon Home group where you can be with other members of this fellowship. Keep coming back to MIP, too. It is a good supplement to the meetings.
Not really pointless. No you are right, I will never know NO one ever knows what another feels or is thinking.. but I can relate a little. I had a nervous breakdown 10 yrs ago after a long and abusive marriage and a very ugly divorce. He wasnt an alcoholic he was just mean. I ended up in Phyc place for 3-weeks, I was bad, and then the anxiety and depression I had was indescribable. A LOT of his feelings (that he describes to me and our therapist and things I have read) the feeling that causes some of the behavior is a lot of what I went through or anyone with severe depression or anxiety. And it is funny when I was researching dry drunk, they related it to depression as well.
So no I dont totally know, but my god what a uncontrollable absolute horrible feeling it was and I am sure is for a dry drunk. I had a lot of therapy and meds for a few years, but I learned to put me first, love me again and let shit GO!!!!!!!!!!! I worked MY program and got better and WAY stronger. And stayed better until I met my Tommy and is addict came out after I have fallen in love! Amazing to me, I waited 6 yrs stayed single because I REFUSED to settle and be with someone with a problem or too much baggage. And honestly had I know he was an A I never ever would have gotten involved.. hence. Him not telling me. What is the HECK is Gods plan, why??? Arg But I know it is for a reason so I hang onto that. He knows what he is doing. If I didnt go through what I went thru 10 yrs again in NO WAY would I be able to handle what I am dealing with now!!!!! Some days I think, God knew Tom was coming to me and I had better be ready LOL I dont know I that is true, but for now, I chose to believe this.
Anyway, I know a dry drunk is dealing with something different and there are no meds and they crave something as well as deal with this syndrome, I am just saying to talk to someone who lived with is and or had it helps me personally. To have someone who is working the program and has it under control (maybe be not the best wording but my words) and or is stronger than the addict is, to hear their story helps thats all.
And I know it can be done, maybe my babes cant do it, maybe he can but I know an A can live a happy life and a normal one!! Maybe not without struggle here and there but we ALL deal with that, we dont have to be an A to struggle in life.. Everyone one has something they have, are or will deal with. My best friends husband, my cousin and my uncle are living proof that an addict can be happy and recover! And Uncle Dennis, congratulations, tomorrow on being 18 yrs sober and 10 yrs mentally and physically sober!!!
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I am basically going thru the same things. My heart and soul are broken.
My AH has been dry For 28 years is now attending AA and going thru recovery.
The mental,verbal and emotional abuse has been toward me. I guess i am
To blame for everything and he now wont say he loves me. I do attend
F2f meetings, read my literature, read online but have not started the
Steps. But i have gone to two therapist for help with these issues. They
Both say i am fine and have good self awareness and lots of wisdom.
I am working on my more self love and care and have had a spiritual awaking.
The big issue is my marriage and acceptance with ending it so both of us
Can go our own ways. I can not live like this and can not heal my
Wounds in this environment
I am sorry for anyone having to deal with any of this!! You are strong!!! I guess on a positive note he is aware he is still active being dry and is going to AA!! Mine has not gone back yet. When he has good days I can tell it is a HUGE fight for him to do it, I think, mainly, so he doesnt lose me. It is like If I am good and nice to her for a few days she will see I am trying and forgive me. It makes it harder almost, because you know they can do it and choose not to sort of speak.
And we, people like you and I know when they are faking. We do have a few REAL days I call it here and there, where every bit of his soul is with me and with our relationship and I can feel it, like it used to be. But it is very short lived. Sometimes it is a whole day or just a couple of hours. Rarely more than 2 days. If we hike, camp or go to lake, those are the times I have him. But winter is almost here and I am scared, no tranquility places we can afford to go. I hope someday he gets better and finds tranquility within so we can have better days. And he can.
Stay strong! Once you decide what you want for you . Then you will heal. I learned that after I left my husband of 8 yrs. He broke every bit of me every little bit of me!!!!!!!!! But until decided what I wanted and needed, let go and moved on I was still broken.
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and the 3 daily readers Courage to Change, One day at a Time and Hope for today.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Well I tend to stick to conference approved literature like Courage to change, One day at a time and the pamphlets. I dont read other authors because I cant really take any mixed messages, I just find I need to focus on one approach or I can get confused. The alanon literature is also on Amazon - mainly used but for a fraction of the cost.x
