The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank all of you for your understanding and support! I dare to think you really know how much it means to me right now. PinkChip, you are right, I was at a spot last year that had me trying to fill the hole in my soul with another human being. Me being a broken man, and she only had just over 1 year of sobriety. And no, I don't believe today she is someone I would have picked for myself if I was operating from a place of sound mind and emotional stability back then. I let her go, not because I wanted to, but because I had to in order to obtain any sense of peace and serenity in my life at all. My experience with her and doing the 12 step work on me, really gave me both a rude and spiritual awakening. I never stop loving someone I once loved, because I never want that light in me to go out and each love was a candle unto itself, collectively that love experience means I have lived. In the absence of that emotion as a part of our life experience I think many are walking dead, for they have yet to live in the fullness, warmth and the colors of love that inspires the human spirit.
In the video below I think my love is all the way out there for the whole world to see, and the PAIN of alcoholism in a love relationship is too. With what I have written today, and this video I made over a year ago, any one that thinks a recovering alcoholic is less susceptible to the "anon's, anon's and non's" given true expression by this horrid disease is fooling only themselves. I'm not a half and half. I am a true blooded alcoholic, that has been sober for a few 24 hours, and a full blown Al-Anon, who may not be as well as he would like to be, or others would like him to be, but I'm damn glad I am not as sick as I use to be!
Heck, I don't think I would even make a good Sugar Daddy... but a good Sweet and Low... I got that down..... a very sweet man that stays low on funds. LMAO!
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
As I looked at her in the hospital bed, I saw my son there, too. I felt your love and compassion as I felt my own. This is what I believe - that all of our loved ones who are or who have suffered from this disease are pushing or have pushed us down hard into the wellspring of Unconditional Love which is our True Self. To repeat part of a belief of Mother Teresa "...the alcoholic...their very lives are a prayer for the rest of us.
Many prayers of blessing and gratitude for your friend, John, and for you.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 10th of October 2013 11:20:47 PM
Some of you might remember the video i posted about an ex girlfriend drinking for 6 days and going into a alcoholic comatose state after a length of sobriety. Well, anyways that was about a year ago, and she was in the hospital for 11 days, and in coma for 9 of them. Upon her discharge on day 11, she was physically detoxed but her mind wasn't. To her it was if she had just had a drink a few hours ago and the insanity of the alcoholic brain had her immediately craving the next drink.... I tried but couldn't deal with all the drama that goes with being in a relationship with a active alcoholic. Love only carries someone for so long and then if they want to drown in this disease I am not willing to drown with them, so I let her go.
Well, last night about 3am my doorbell is rung. It is her. Drunk as can be, with blood running down the side of her face from both a head wound and a cheek bone that is busted. No shoes or socks on. Urine all over the back of her pants.Someone gave her a true ass-kickin'. A very sad sight for me. I call 911 and they send an ambulance. However, she refuses to go to the hospital and they tell me they can't force her to go because she is an adult that can refuse medical treatment. I ask them doesn't the person refusing have to be of sound mind and body? She is sh*t face drunk! I am told not unless i go to magastrates office and get a involuntary commitment order on her! It' 330am! They clean up her wounds and leave.
I end up putting her drunk ass in the shower and washing her stinky, funky pants. I put her on the couch to go to sleep until this morning. Upon wakening I wake her and let her know I will get her in detox but if she isn't going to do that she just has to go. She agrees to go to detox because she has no where else to go. I take her to hospital to get the referral to detox and they have her waiting in the lobby for a social worker to show up and do a pre-screen interview.
After sitting there for about an hour she reaches into her little purse and pulls out a straight edge razor and cuts her wrist, saying "no one cares about me, not family, you or even the police. I am done here i can't do this anymore!"! It was totally by surprise, never saw it coming. I grab her hand that has the razor and scream, "i need security now!" Of course she is now involuntarily committed.
Now the rest of the story. In piecing together what lead to police bringing her to my apt...(sound like Paul Harvy, huh?) She was drunk, walking up a street and a man pulls over and ask if she is okay, then ask where she is going, does she want ride and she gives him my address. She passes out in his car, and when she comes to she is in his apt and he is trying to have sex with her. She just had a full hysterocromy 2 1/2 weeks ago! She tries to resist and he tries to beat her into compliance, she runs out of the apt naked, nothing but a coat on and bangs on a nieghbors door, who sees her condition, her bloody face, hair and nakedness and lets her in. The neighbor calls 911, the police show up. They can't get the guy that tried to rape her drunk, passed out butt to answer his door, and she is refusing medical treatment, so the only thing they thought best to do is bring her to my place.
This morn after getting her in hosp. I call her phone to locate it and turns out this guy cleaned out her purse of debit card, ID, cell phone and went downtown to sell it all. So, i contact the police again, speak to a leutenet, and now he is arrested and charged with robbery, attempted rape, and felony assault. They have obtained all her stolen property he sold to this kid for 100.00. (His momma paid for it because they thought the phone was all that was in the case and its a 400.00 smartphone) It appears the police were not going to do anything because she was a smelling funky drunk. They were hoping they could get by with just bringing her to my place!
Now i am pissed at her, some guy i don't even know and the police dept. Their all a bunch of fu*k ups in my almighty book!
Arn't you glad you didn't have to live in my world this past 24 hours? Why me, Lord? Send this crap to someone else, i don't want or need this kind of entertainment!!
I'm tired.
John
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Well john..god has you doing the twelve step work cuz you can. You also met her at a lonely and sorta weak spot for you if I recall...she would not be somueone you'd ordinarily go for. Not enough sober time even though she had a bit. She was leeching off your health and your program perhaps. It happened cuz your boundaries were downwhen you let her in to your life. It is what it is right? Not a mistake even really. Just an experience.
Dealing with active Aism is so exhausting, heartbreaking and maddening. So now she's int he hospital and safe(and out of your hair physically) for the moment, so its time to take care of you. What do you need? (Besides a call to your sponsor and a meeting. LOL) Probably a good meal, a hot shower, a game of pool at the alano hall. Whatever it is, just breathe and take care of you. Go watch your own video and remember you are not alone in this
We love you and we're here for you when you need to unload.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
That's what I think, too, John, as David states. You did the next right thing whether you wanted to do it or not. I can tell you're feeling angry and maybe a little afraid for her, but who is to say that this wasn't a HP'd thing? None of us want to be brought to the mat with this kind of stuff, but somebody might have done it for us once when we were in a messed up state and this is our opportunity to pay it forward? She is where she needs to be for now. She's not dead somewhere or being raped again. Seems to me you did what was the only kind thing you could do at the time. No, you didn't go looking for the drama. Yes, it was 3:30 in the morning. And you helped save a life. As my Mom once said, "First, we have our plan for our life. Then, we have our life." We ask God each day for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. Guess you got what you prayed for, John?
I agree with the rest of the family John!! and I can hear my former sponsor voicing his opinion from the other side of reality "...it's not required that you like it...what's required is that you do it"!! Course he was tell me that at the time still I can hear him now. Your program got tested and from your prior post maybe you thought you were loosing some energy and strength and persistence with the recovery homes...I say not...you got tested and pulled it out good. You didn't like it...didn't have to...did it anyway and it isn't he first time for you hey? Keep coming back this is a fine example. ((((hugs))))
What a mess. I like what David said and agree. Please take care of yourself. I bet you're even more grateful for sobriety after an incident like this one. ((hugs))) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
WOW John......I bet you said why me. Like you don't have enough to deal with. All I can say you did a great job taking care of it the best you could with what you had.
I too had a couple of unwanted visitors yesterday when I got home. First I get to the front door and a snake was right there waiting for me. Well I wasn't about to step over it so I opened the garage and went into the house that way. As I turned the corner going into my bedroom I was stopped in my tracks because a great big ole tarantula was staring down all 4 of my cats and had them at bay in the bedroom. GEEZ Jungle Book around here.......
I get a broom and a bucket and get the tarantula and throw it out the front door.....and as I watch I see Ms. Tarantula walk away with Mr Snake. Nice lol
It's a jungle out there so we have to stick with what we know and stay close to our HP....
Take care my friend (((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
She may be a drunk, but she knew where to go for the answers, John .. and she knew where to find her higher power whether she can admit it or not. She didn't come to you of her own accord, I believe she was lead. Agreed, you took the next Right action no matter how you felt .. She's blessed to have a light on her darkened path ..
(((John))) I'm sorry you had this upset and chaos. What beautiful expression of love, compassion, and your program. It is in these most difficult moments that we can switch the "why" to "what for" and strengthen our relationship with our HP. Sending prayers for you and your friend.
In her battered state when she was brought to your home. It was evident that she made some poor choices due to alcohol and perhaps that some choices were taken from her. She slit her wrists and has now been involuntarily committed - too ill to make sane choices. With the posting of this video of her, I am now thinking about anonymity and our traditions. (((hugs))) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
My reaction to this story? Expletives. Tears. Love. Admiration. Faith.
You are really someone very special John and I'm so sorry that life bowled you this bitter experience last night. It is not easy walking up mountains.
It seems to me that your lady did two things that might save her life last night. She rocked up at your door (not great for you, not deserved by you but, oh boy, did you take right action. Yes! Yes! Yes!) The second thing (not to be recommended): She showed the world that you were right - that she desperately wanted and needed help. And my guess is that she knows that the help she needs is more than one person can handle. I can't imagine how horrific that moment was when she cut her wrist, but there you were - saying the right thing, doing the right thing, and then fates stepped in and backed you up. Not tidy. But certainly loud and clear for all the world to see. The result? Your lady is in as safe a place as she could be today. I hope and pray that you are using your wisdom to keep yourself safe and rested today as well.
If I had half your knowledge and experience, I'd be darned pissed with the authorities as well! You are such an eloquent man John. And I don't want to add to your work load But when you are rested and calm I can just imagine you telling those people in authority this story, in the same calm measured, loving way that you've told it here. And I can imagine you asking them just the right questions about how they might like to adapt their responses to alcohol fuelled behaviour in the future. Just a thought (but not for today!!)
I pray that you don't need to worry today. And my lovely dog is sending vibes to your lovely dogs asking them to remind you how to let the good times roll (just for today).
((((((((Take care good friend))))))))). Hugs and tail wags across the atlantic.
PS Cathy - hugs to you as well. I thank you for the strong picture of your four cats and that hairy spider! I hope that Ms Tarantula and Mr Snake live out their lives in another state (((hugs)))
We receive in what we give. My HP I believe gives me what I need, not just what I think I want.
Rest my weary friend. When you remove the anger and resentment of the disease you are left with another weak and helpless human being. The act of kindness in not sending her away with the police and taking her to where she needed to go showed much compassion and the ability to recognize you can not save her from the disease but a life may have been spared in spite of the disease.
In love and support
M
Mate! You showed her compassion. You have got it. Don't let anything, or anyone, take that away from you! 
But when you are rested and calm I can just imagine you telling those people in authority this story, in the same calm measured, loving way that you've told it here. And I can imagine you asking them just the right questions about how they might like to adapt their responses to alcohol fuelled behaviour in the future. Just a thought (but not for today!!)