The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate it when worry and fear creep up and make me feel sick, in more than just the physical way. My AH is traveling for work and has been out drinking, I was able to tell he had been drinking when I spoke to him at 4:30. A few hours later I texted him and we went back and forth and his texts were one word answers and some of my questions went unanswered. Then he just disappeared from our conversation for about an hour. Then he texted me and said, "I'm here." So, I called him not 5 minutes later and he didn't answer. I have tried him 3 times, called his hotel and tried his room through their phone lines(which I never resort to, honestly) and got no answers.
As with all of us codependents, my brain goes a million different directions: here are some fun examples:
1: maybe he finally got another woman?
2: maybe he's drunk and passed out in the parking lot in his car
3: maybe he left his phone in the car and passed out in the room, but didn't hear the phone
4: maybe he got another DUI and I'm going to get that dreaded phone call
5: maybe he just fell asleep and has his phone turned off and just couldn't hear the room telephone going???
LOL, I truly have to laugh at myself. This is a great opportunity for bringing my program into action, for turning to God and leaving it in his hands. I was going to call my sponsor but I realized that everything that she said, I was already saying to myself. I was using program tools to calm myself, to center myself, to remind myself that this is what alcoholics do and that I have no control over the situation. So, even though I hate nights like this, I know that it will eventually come to an end and maybe the truth will come out and maybe it won't. What will matter most is that I put my HP first and that I centered myself in peace. God, be with me tonight as I fall asleep and turn my cares over to you. For only you know each of our destinies and paths, I have no control over those things and I relinquish them to you. Amen!
Wow. Well spoken. Very helpful. I'm searching the boards tonight to find what you described in your post. Calming tools of the program, this is my goal. Turning them over to my HP. Peace.
Thank you for sharing! I think I can let go...and go to sleep now. (I know I'm supposed to say something that will help or comfort. All I can do is to be grateful for your post and let you know you helped me tonight)
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
Ahhh, well he finally called. I was so ticked off by this time that I had to hang up quickly. When I asked where he had been for the past few hours, his answer was, "In and out of my room." No apology for making the family worry, of course, what else did I expect. Anyway, I just told him, "Well, I think you've been drinking and I really don't want to talk right now. I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said OK and that was that, I hung up the phone.
And, then I prayed. I prayed for God to release me from bitterness and anger and sadness. My heart is in my throat, my stomach is in knots. Sigh, for as much as I know my program well, I still struggle with the fear and anxiety and anger. Tomorrow is another day, I hope God makes it a bright one!
Glad to hear it.
I'm still up tonight because of the anger and sadness. I hate feeling this way too! I can't choose my feelings, but I can choose my thoughts and actions...so I'm praying for peace. I'm choosing to forgive right now....so I can sleep. I'm choosing to trust that more and more my happiness will truly be an inside job, and not dependent on another's choices. Oh God, help us know that truth.
Goodnight
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
Such a classic example of how their own chaos spreads chaos everywhere. My ex-AH had that thing of not answering phones too. Sometimes he'd be so drunk and asleep that a fire engine wouldn't have woken him up. Sometimes he'd leave the phone in his car or somewhere. Sometimes he'd forget to turn it on. Sometimes he'd just lose the phone. Sometimes it would be under a pile of clothes. Sometimes all this would happen on the same night.
Even if all the old anxiety came back, sounds like you handled it fabulously despite that. You didn't take the bait, you had realistic expectations, you knew not to have a conversation when he was drunk. You really ring-fenced the chaos.
Well wouldn't it be the most normal thing on earth to worry when someone says I'm here (ready to chat) and then they are not? It makes me think that it would be normal for someone to apologise when they finally re-connected and then both parties would just get on with it and enjoy a new conversation. But life with an A is not normal and I find that it is so easy to forget that
Glad to see I haven't been the only one up at nights because my active and very negative imagination was running away with me. I don't have those sleepless nights now about my loved ones. I tend to have them more because of things happening in my own life. Al-Anon tools always helps me find the same serenity for me as they have when I've worried or been anxious about my children and my child's child. MIP message board is a big help to me on those sleepless nights, too. Usually, somebody's awake. I love it.
Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm slowly learning how to act and not react in most situations. HP has me on a path that I am willing to follow and AH is going to do what he is going to do. As tired as I am of dealing with his stuff, I am grateful for everything else in my life and I can finally admit that I am choosing to stay and that I am choosing to my life as it is. A few years ago, I didn't even know that I had choices!
