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It was like a light switch on Monday. From sweet guy to someone I did not like. My husband has been sober for 3 months, with 1 slip. I can usually smell it on it, but on Monday I did not. I looked in his usual hiding places but could not find anything. I know I am not the alcohol police... It was just his behavior. When he drinks he gets going on cleaning - he goes on and on and on. He talks a lot, gets argumentative, loud, etc. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks in advance, Jenny
"I'm not the alcohol police" worked for me and was the core idea to stop focusing on my alcoholic/addict wife and keep it simple...focus on myself and what is out of kilter with me. Takes practice. A dry drunk was an invitation for me to practice old behaviors that never worked and then it became an invitation to let go and let God. Refuse his invitation to the dance. (((((hugs)))))
Three months sobriety wellllll in my opinion he is still in Stark Raving Sober mode, trying to live without alcohol . His head is telling him to drink he is fighting to stay sober and the fight goes on . This program works if the alcoholic is drinking or NOT . this is his stuff don't waste time trying to figure him out just do what you have to do to enjoy your day . In our ODAT the page on July 14th was like a map to me on how to live with this disease , do what it says to the best of your ability and the rough days will pass. the line I most appreciated was ( don't assage his guilt by arguing with him) learning to walk away from their anger takes time , and courage. Early sobriety is tough for both the alcoholic and partner no one knows what to do. Sober or not unexceptable behavior is unexceptable behavior , speak up you have a right to be treated with respect regardless of what he is going thru and remember nothing you say will cause the alcoholic to drink again it will be his choice . Lower your expectations and enjoy the good days . for me a 30 min coffee break with a sober husband beat a day with a drunk I learned to make it enough . The longer he is sober the easier it will get for both of you . work your program and leave him to AA . * just my opinion * Louise
I love that passage in ODAT.....I still remember when I was new and in one of my posts I'll bet your were the one that gave it to me.
Wise words from an AA who counsels with families of alcoholics: " Yes, the alcoholic can be forced to get sober. "
The spouse: " But I tried everything. He won't listen to reason. I've yelled and complained, paid the bills, threatened to leave-----nothing works."
Of course not. This is you applying the force, and that never works. I suggest you stop taking action. The only force that can change the alcoholic's pattern is the pressure that builds up inside him when the family refusesto react any longer. When he can't count on your helping him, when you won't assuage his guilt by fighting with him, and you refuse to get him out of trouble then he'll be compelled to face up to things. In other words, try inaction, instead of constantly figuring out something to do about him.
Take care Jen......you are not alone
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
