The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read all shares...thought about them at length....and I give thanks for the input
My take?? I did not post about my disappointment to gossip, work another's inventory, pull myself up by putting another down....it was none of that
I posted it simply b/c i was disappointed......here I am stressed to the max and another disappointment....that is why i posted about it...
I am not a gossiper and I refuse to indulge in insults/putdowns to "make me feel better' b/c my heart is good and to put another down would NOT make me feel better........yes in the old day i did this b/c i was sick and didn't know any better an "everyone else in the family did it so why not fit in????" the offender gave u favor it you attacked another....if it kept him from beating me or making my life worse, then yes, I indulged in the gossip/insults/ "working anothers inventory" to make me "look good" when deep in m guts i felt terrible......especially when my sister got pregnant at age 16 to run away from that home an he would make us repeat EVERY night, "shes a whore....shes a whore...a slut..........no good" over and over he made us chant that
So MY post, now during recovery was only to discharge by sharing my disappointment, yet another one from my cuzin....
I posted about it HERE...my feelings and of course i had to say what happened to explain why I felt the way i did and most importantly i felt SAFE her to do it...
I cared enough to ask the ??? what is working ones INVENTORY b/c I do what to do what is right
I am under soo much stress w/this failure to find work and hardly supporting myself......add to that D#2 and now cousin, and its over load....I can't do both of them.....
another bad night sleep, difficulty falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep, so will force myself through this work day and rest afterwards
bc I can't do both.......i have decided to withdraw and take care of me........do as much REST as i can to recover from the stress.....i keep turning it over, but maybe my distrust in HP helping me is causing him/her to close their fist...I do not know...maybe its my age...maybe its global (probably the best reason) and i see no hope of economy getting better, therefore i dont' see much hope of my having it any easier as i get older....
so i am just going to withdraw.....rest.....take care of me.........humans have burned me out of late, so its time to back off....withdraw......rest and try and recover /get a respite from this fear and stress by meditation and sleeping more......
i appreciate the answers and takes given, but i can honestly say, I did NOT do a post about my cousins and my failure to get together but for one reason.........to share yet another disappointment that has been an avalanche of late.......
like i said......i need all my energy to try and get through workdays, what of them and so i wish her the most wonderful trip here, good visit.....happy experiences and I will just work my program, and most of all try to get away from this worry and frustration.......and ya know i am FRUSTRATED.....saw a post on face book from a young friend of mine saying "people need to get off their butts and WORK'....she has a long term job, she has no clue, obviously that some of us DO try, but there is no relief...no help for us., especially the ones getting older.......i called her out on that post and she apologized to me....I told her I would not make posts like that bc so many folks out of work, or undremployed like me ARE trying, but we find no help/relief......
anyway, I appreciate those of you who bothered to post on my posts.....
I think i need to go into the quiet, just w/me and my pets, and try to cast off this fear and huge frustration......many many times i feel like giving up.....
i know my financial picture does not define me, but its hard not to feel like a failure....can't figure out what i am doing wrong....changing my ads, using my picture so they know "who" they are reading...
NO calls....NADA......no wonder i am agnostic......there just isn't enough evidence to prove beyond doubt that anything helps us but us.........AND, sadly, I am NOT ENOUGH!!!!! I am powerless over this and i hate it b/c to me powerlessness means I am screwed!!!!!!
thanks you all..........going into downtown to work for my becoming favorite client......we missed last month due to his having meetings so we are working hopefully two days this month....
PEACE be to all.........HONEST ....that post was only to share my frustration and disappointment..........nothing else.......no other motives......I don't have to hurt another to bring me up........that no longer works........in fact i find gossip and back biting to be repugnant.......
I was just sharing my sadness and disappointment.........i should be used to it by now and handle it better.....i am just TIRED........ok..
Have a nice day everyone.and again....thank you all for your input
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
(((N))) I withdraw, too, when life gets to be too much and the old wounds resurface for a little more healing balm. It is in that quiet solitude that I find my peace and strength again and return to the outer world renewed. You are loved. You are wanted. You are needed. You are perfect just the way that you are, Neshema.
I saw it as a great inquiry and it gave me pause to look into my life. Thank you. Enjoy your day and may it be filled with peace. With so much upset in the world right now, we need to pause, reflect and hold light for others.
I couldn't imagine MIP without you. You have such a fire burning within your soul. You have made me laugh, cry, and reflect on many things in my own life. You offer great knowledge of how to work the tools in your everyday life. You are so open and kind hearted. Bless you on your journey. Be kind to yourself :) Rest. I send you support and love in finding your serenity.
You are a great asset to this Board and your love and compassion shine through. In trying to understand this recent post I believe that I too was confused as to how to share my feelings without blaming or judging others .
Sharing at alanon meetings helped me to learn a new way to communicate my feelings and experiences I learned to express my feelings without identifying others, judging their behavior or taking their inventory. It took practice and effort to change the focus of my share into myself from being other directed .
I stopped trying to justify my feelings, my anger, my sadness and just learned how to say I am sad, angry disappointed. I had expectation and they were not met. Keeping the focus on myself helped to stay in my own hoola hoop
Rest , recharge and believe HP has you in the Palm of His hand
