The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So yet again I sit here opposite the husband who is asleep on the couch reeking of vodka, the children upstairs as they know he is drunk and dont want to be near him without me even saying anything to them. After intervening from him cooking the dinner after broken plates and smoke everywhere this is i may add.
How do i detach when i have to live in this hell, how do i stop myself from loosing my temper (all i really want to do is screamat him ).
In the morning everything will be ok unless i mention this and then it will all be about me making things up as im paranoid and it will be my fault it ends up in a row, and my fault the children are upset.
My whole life just feels like a vicious circle like a living hell on earth and trying to be the strong one and keep it all together for my children whilst working two jobs I dont actually know how much more I can take
Oh god, your post took me right back in time. This was my life also, for almost 20years. Im sorry you and your kids are living this way. There is another way and I found it through Alanon, its a program of recovery for people affected by alcoholism. There are meetings in most towns and cities, the info is online. It will help you with this problem that is way too big for just one person to deal with.x
Start with Alanon. That's where I began...then therapy for myself because I needed a good one on one kick in the @ss! I still remember going to my first meeting and being terrified and crying most of the meeting...but now I feel better. I am in a better place. It takes time. There is no quick fix and no quick answer...
thank you both for your kind advice, I have searched and there is one meeting once a week about 2 miles away but i am unable to attend it due to work, how do i go about attending online meetings and do you know if there are any sites for UK help? thanksxx
There are online meetings on this forum but they are scheduled on the US time zone so I think we are around 5 hours behind. I find it tricky to catch these meetings as I work during the day and the evening meetings are late at night. I am not sure of any other online meetings for the UK. I would recommend looking at going to any other meetings near where you live, maybe the weekend would suit you better. It must be difficult when you have children though. I stay in Scotland and there are meetings all over Glasgow and also in my own and neighboring towns. Potentially I could go to a meeting almost every night.
The reason that I think face to face meetings are important is there are people who know what you have been through and you will get a welcome pack and a warm welcome from the members. Good luck.x
thanks, there is only one meeting within 20 miles of me and only at 730 on a weds night, which is impossible to get to as i work 14 hour shifts as a nurse and then hve childcare and transport issues. It would be amazing to be in touch with local people though although in connection even thousands of miles away is a real lifeline, you get so consumed in your own nightmare of a life you cant imagine there are people out there going through the same torture x
Do you see the words "Chat Room Entrance" at the top of this page? Click on that link and you will see a page where it asks you to enter a screen name (you can use beryl80 or any other name you like). Once you get into the chat room, enter something like hi (or if a meeting is already in progress, and you don't want to interrupt, just hit "." and your enter button, and what everyone is currently talking about will appear. if anyone is there, you will see their screen names listed along the right hand side.
Look at the top of this page again, and see to the left of "Chat Room Entrance" is a link for "Meeting/Chat Room Info". Click on that and you will see the topics and times for the various meetings.
Meeting times are EST 9 am and 9 pm Mondays through Saturdays and on Sundays they are at 10 am EST and 7 pm EST.
You could probably do the online meetings here at least on Saturday and Sunday mornings (as those would be in the middle of the afternoon for you in the UK). The online meetings are like a Face2Face meeting in that people take turns sharing and then after the meeting ends (it lasts about 1.5 hrs) people who want to stay around to chat. If you log in early, sometimes people are there ready to chat before the meeting starts (like the half hour before you will always find someone).
I have never been to a F2F (same as you, work conflict etc) and have been helped immeasurably by the MIP (Chat Room) meetings as well as from reading here on the board.
I am glad you reached out and shared. Alanon is a fellowship of members who live with or have lived with the problem of alcoholism We believe that alcoholism is a progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless. Living with this disease we develop negative coping skills that hurt us. In order to recover from this interaction Alanon offers a program of recovery that truly saved my life.
I really can relate to the frustration of which you speak. In fact alanon has a pamphlet called "The Merry Go Round named Denial" that speaks directly to this exact interaction. If you cannot break the isolation caused by this disease by attending face to face meetings I urge you to follow others suggestion and checkout the on line meetings here
