The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, my A slept almost all day today, and I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. He wasn't drunk, hasn't had a drop all day to my knowledge, he's just been sleeping. Why on earth would I be annoyed that he was asleep? I've had lazy days when I just veg'd out in front of the stupid box all day, why should I hold it against him for doing the same?
It's because I'm bored. I realized that when he sleeps, I feel like I can't do anything. I can't do usual things around the house (cleaning, continuing to unpack, practice my harp, play video games, etc.) because I might wake him (which is just absurd, half the time he can't hear what I'm doing anyway). I can't go out because...uh...hmm. Wait, why can't I go out and do something?
I've been waiting for him to get up so we could go mess around and have fun. I think I've been waiting a very, very long time for this. I thought I wanted him to wake up, but I'm the one who has been sleeping. There is no reason why I can't go do the things I want to do without him. If he wants to come with me, great. I've always encouraged him to go out, do stuff, hang out with people. I never did the same for myself. It may even be that if he sees me getting on with my life he'll climb out of the depression/anxiety/alcoholic hole and enjoy it with me. If not, well, that's his problem. But I'm going out!
I've been waiting for him to get up so we could go mess around and have fun. I think I've been waiting a very, very long time for this. I thought I wanted him to wake up, but I'm the one who has been sleeping. There is no reason why I can't go do the things I want to do without him. If he wants to come with me, great. I've always encouraged him to go out, do stuff, hang out with people. I never did the same for myself. It may even be that if he sees me getting on with my life he'll climb out of the depression/anxiety/alcoholic hole and enjoy it with me. If not, well, that's his problem. But I'm going out!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Fairly new to all of this but I hear you loud and clear. Doing things FOR myself and WITH myself is a completely new idea and experience. I've tried this a few times already...just detaching, leaving him to his own devices, planning something for myself. Guess what? He's noticed and has asked to do stuff with me! This is not why I'm doing this, btw. I'm doing this for me but this has been the pay off.
I'm responsible for my own happiness and I'm kinda liking me and my own company. If he doesn't want to come a long for the ride, than I'm ok with that , too.
However, being new to this, I am having some slips...in my mind and heart. But, hey, awareness leads to acceptance and action, no?
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such good news. This is definitely something you can change and you are. Even if he doesn't climb out of the hole, you are.
Ditto to what grateful says.....if he wants to sleep??? fine...if you want to go out, visit friends, go grab a coffee somewhere??? go for it!!! we live as much as we choose and want to live....we are as free as we let ourselves be.......good for you
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
