The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Cousin arrived in town Tues......Haven't heard from her until today
she slept all day Wed....Understandable....tired
yesterday she checked up on her rental house in my town....tenents are leaving and behind on rent.....understandable, I would want to be on top of things too
today, she is at her daughter's house (which is where she has been) I understand , I am not top priority , daughter, grand kids an house are......
so TODAY , she calls and wants to get togther on a WORK NIGHT....she knows I work Fridays ea. Friday and go to bed early
I tell her that shes been here this long, I am not angry....she had stuff to do.....BUT....I am taking care of me......a visit into the late evening would leave me tired, not focused at work and CANT DO IT.....so we did not get together as yet
she said "how about Fri nite???" I am ok w/that.........then she says "OH daughter is on call, I have to be available to babysit so scratch that
I tell her "Look....Lets just go it day to day....I am going to do my life.....as I usually do....IF we get together, GREAT....FANTASTIC........If we don't......I am not expecting anything anyway so no worries
this cousin, I love her dearly, but 7pm means 9pm sometimes to her and I set a boundary on her about that........IF she doesn't show or call by 1/2 past the set time., I am eating and thats it.....not gonna wait......OR I will take off by myself and treat me
but so far we have made no plans..
I am on her back burner............I am on MY FRONT BURNER.........
It would have been nice to see her but if her "crumbs" are not convenient for me b/c of work, which I need desperately, then so be it..........no harm, no foul, I totally understand her daughter (who looks down on me b/c I am not rich) is more important to her, yea, I understand that, but if her "fitting me in" is not convenient for ME...then oh well....
I kinda knew this would happen.......so wasn't upset or anything, b/c I have zero expectations of most people now and can actually laugh this off....I had fun myself this week....seniour day at goodwill, i got 2 space heaters for the bathrooms $8 i got a electrical strip for the kitchen $1
Wed., I played w/puppy and did my grocery shopping and just fooled around...........I knew she was in town, but figured, if we get together??? Great...........but I am not holding my breath.........
so tomorrow, I will do what what I feel up to doing......I really am shocked at my almost blase attitude.......like total detachment over stuff/people I have no control over.
I just make my OWN fun.....with or w/out her....I make my own fun.......I just pick up and go if I feel like it...........getting used to hanging out w/me and its not so bad.........
these steps and you guys, and my sponsor work is really helping me.......I just DONT sweat the small stuff........
So cousin may come and go w/out us getting together......i am going to do my life regardless........I am really learning to put me first and practicing detachment is WORKING.........yaaay program
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I"m sorry.....I think you were really looking forward for some time with your cousin. I know how you might feel. I have lived in Arizona for 22 years now and my own sister has not come to visit me once. She's 6 hours away and she comes to AZ to race at least 4 times a year but not once has she stopped by for at least a visit or see how I live. If I want to see her I would have to go to her and that;s if there isn't more important stuff to do. She is very active and has a good
live life so time for me is on the back burner.
But you know, I have given up. Yes she's my sister and I love her and she loves me but unless I take the time and go she her......my next visit will be at her funeral. Oh unless I die first...even then I think she wouldn't have the time to come to my funeral. Just send the money to bury me...lol. Yeah she's rich and quite the drinker so it's been party time for the last 25 years since she won the lottery.
I find that good friends can give more support and love than family does sometimes. I don't......I guess maybe in my case at least.
Your doing the right thing...taking care of you and finding your own happiness....because you can't find through others.
(((( hugs )))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hey Cathy, I WAS looking forward to seeing her, but ya know??? I in the back of my mind, KNEW this wold happen...
oh we still may get together but it will be on a "good" day, not a day that is good for her...bad for me (bc of work) but it has to be a good day for both of us really....she has the money, the not needing to work, so yea, its easier for her b/c she has the luxury of having been provided by her parents..
its ok....I am just doing life , anyway
so sorry about your sister's attitude to you.....to me, DNA is waaay over rated....my NON bio family is better to me and better for me
my cuz is a good lady, just has the mind of a mouse on a treadmill......like college educated up the ying yang, but the common sense of a gnat....I love her though.....she is so much fun to hang out with, but I am not gonna let her come over late eve. when I gotta get up early next day and work....
I am so much better when I am workin my program and minding the slogans and the steps....
I am totally "ok" with her having so many other priorities.....I don't blame her for wanting to see her daughter and g.kids....and her tenents are jerking her around on the rent as they are moving, and sure....i totally understand that.......not a worry
but I was always kinda "last teat on the cow" so to speak and it is what it is.....SO i just put me first...take care of me....if a friend wants to get up and go somewhere, I am going.....
Cuz is a good person.....I hope she has a nice visit here and as much as I would love to see her, It has to be on a day where I am off the next day....she had all week, but had other stuff, I guess....
my adoptive sister says to me....."all things as they are meant to be" now this gal is a total LOVE....she is ret. mental health counselor......and here she is...retired....and she does research on ptsd/gen anxiety disorder so she can help me as much as she can.....she used to work w/ folks who were domestic violence victims.....she worked at a clinic like thing where they counselled DV survivors.....so yea, she was real good at her job......and she helps me BIG TIME.......she is good to let me figure it out..like she will ask ??s and stuff and listens and kinda just lets me figure it out, re: the solution....
my dear daughter #1 is home from her last camping trip for the season.....she and hubby got away and had a good time.......I really cherish our good relationship......she is in program.....coda and acoa and is doing quite well......we work the worksheets together a lot of times and separately as well....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
But you know, I have given up. Yes she's my sister and I love her and she loves me but unless I take the time and go she her......my next visit will be at her funeral. Oh unless I die first...even then I think she wouldn't have the time to come to my funeral. Just send the money to bury me...lol. Yeah she's rich and quite the drinker so it's been party time for the last 25 years since she won the lottery.
I am glad u detached....and yep, u can love her but ya know IF u were a priority for her, she would make better effort....so sad...one day she will regret it b/c I am willing to bet you made all the efforts and then some.......
she won lottery???? WOW!!!! I hope she shared w/SOMEONE loved by her......I was telling my sisters, the adoptive ones.....IF i ever got something like a big windfall, I would get my farm to open my sanctuary for paints, appies, quarter horses, and a cow or two that are homeless and a homeless draft horse b/c they are hard to place, yea, my sanctuary would be for the unwanted but lovable/adoptable pets people dump b/c they get tired of them
then when I got set up, I would be asking my , well Gin has Alzheimers..I would probably go get her and drag her here to TX an I would be cutting checks to my other 2 sisters and my sponsor and g.f. of decades to get them on good ground......I would love to help them all get the things they need and even some of the stuff they want.....
I dream of having my own rescue....and on the dog side, I would help adoptable/pet friendly pit bulls, labrador retrievers and german shepherds......
I can't help everyone but would like to give homes and re-home as many pets as I could.....keep maybe 3 horses for me, to play with and love....maybe keep another pittie, and re-home the rest of them to homes that I would examine thoroughly and they would have to let me do background check, they wold have to furnish proof of their vet, farrier, and their feed store...also show me their home they want to put the pet in, to make sure pet is safe
now you know the dream of dreams for me.......oh i dream of this all the time...since I was a child....I wanted to open a pet sanctuary....sorta had one when I was small.....it was probably the only joy I ever experienced.....taking in stray, you name it, and finding them loving homes.......I want sooo bad to do it again.....horses, dogs, cows, goats, sheep, chickens, turkeys, piggies i really don't think I would turn anyone away who was adoptable and was not a danger to anyone.....
Noah had the best job in the world when he was on his big boat w/all those critters....he knew his HP would keep them safe.......bet it was great having that big, wonderful, loved filled floating zoo........
OK...i get carried away.....your sister winning the lotto caused me to think if I won and then I went off on a tangent here, LOL....anyway, that has been my dream, my life long passion.....helping homeless animals find 4ever, loving/safe homes AND keeping a few for me......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You know what they say, "You can choose your friends , but you cant choose your relative's".
sounds like my Mother and her sisters, the ones in the USA anyway, my Mother has been sick with dementia and just getting
older and she has this one sister that has never come to see her. I know her sister has her health issues also, but her husband could have driven her over to see my Mother but never did.
My Mother is the eldest and her Dementia makes her forget any slights or feeling bad, or pecking order. My Mother was always very petty and often full of grudges. But Dementia has changed all that .
But I'm here , and I will detach for my Mother and won't drive my Mother over to see her sister and won't dial the phone either so she can talk if her sister ever comes up in conversation.
Her sister was a very selfish, mean spirited person woman, who has said unkind , untrue stuff about me.
Neshema, the phone works both ways, don't give her another thought...friendships are a two way street even with relatives.
You know what they say, "You can choose your friends , but you cant choose your relative's".
But I'm here , and I will detach for my Mother and won't drive my Mother over to see her sister and won't dial the phone either so she can talk if her sister ever comes up in conversation.
Her sister was a very selfish, mean spirited person woman, who has said unkind , untrue stuff about me.
Neshema, the phone works both ways, don't give her another thought...friendships are a two way street even with relatives.
Sounds like my sister, whom I had to break off contact with.....you describe your mom's sister and i am seeing MY bio sister (Never the adopted ones) in your description...selfish, and mean?? omg...mean and likes being mean to others......very unkind and she is one who enjoys squashing another......I feel more pity for her then anything else, b/c of the bad karma she keeps making
I don't want to make anymore bad karma for me, so as Jerry said on another post of mine, I be willing...HP does cleaning.....and I lay it at HP's feet and walk away.........I am WILLING to give up ANY negativity that blocks me from my good karma, AND what my parents took from me, they could , if alive, NEVER pay me what they took, so I cancel their debt.....they cold never make up my whole life, so may as well write off their debt.....remit them to HP and walk away in my head......I want to be willing and open for HP to cleanse me of MY negativity, ill will, resentment, revenge, "back at ya" mentality....the bitterness....ALL of it...I am so willing to give it up....to have HP just turn the hose on me and wash me of it........
and I agree........phone works both ways........relationships are give and take.....when I see repeated uneveness in that I am giving more all the time??? time to re-eval the relationship and maybe move them to a circle farther out from me......I SO relate to what u r saying......I can't change the ones who harmed me, I will never be recompensed what they took, so it behooves me to "lay all the feelings around these acts against me at HP and walk away" and KEEP doing it till ONE day, I walk away and my hands are empty........
I want so badly to just move on, take whats left of my life and try and make good karma so maybe i will have a better future b/c of the better energy I am putting out.......
as to cousin?? i just let go...accept......if she wants to see me?? wonderful...if not?? then the world will not fall on top of me......I will be ok........ Thanks for your note....I SO related to it....
I am learning that the stuff that I can do...do it...the stuff that I cannot do??? remit it over to the source or creator who CAN do something...at the very least I have given it over so it no longer sits on my back and bogs me down.......in the spiritual realm, I do think HP gets involved....and , hopefully, being willing for the "clean job" of my spirit will lighten up the circumstances in the physical realm......
Thank you, Bettina....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
