Last week, the A announced to me that I should keep Saturday free, as he was planning "something special". 

Sadly, this made me uneasy. I know when he "plans something nice", he usually gets very drunk and sabotages it and then blames me for ruining it somehow. In reality we have never done "something nice". Not ever. Any rare time we do go out together, he gets horribly drunk and it's a nightmare. 

On Thursday night, as I was talking in the chat room here (not about him, might I add) he came out and accused me of "being in chat rooms looking for sex". Which is just ludicrous and not something I would ever do, or have any interest in. Furthermore, he had asked me to go to bed with him and I "hadn't bothered". (You know, the guy who sleeps in a separate room, barricades his door and stays up all night playing computer games every single night, week in, week out, for the whole 7 years we have been together). Well, he decided that he wanted me to be available, and I wasn't and it was the worst, most painful rejection he had ever suffered apparently.

The next day he went to work but came home 2 hours later, drunk (don't know how he managed that) and informed me that he had been so upset by what I had done (not jumped into bed with him when he demanded we have an early night plus talked in a CHAT ROOM) that he hadn't even been able to work. He barricaded his door, got good and drunk and then screamed and yelled, called me every name under the sun (because he had decided I was cheating on him) and ended up kicking my bedroom door in (destroyed it) and then playing porn at top volume as "revenge". He came in at one point and found me in bed listening to my ipod and screamed "oh you think that will block it out? I'll make sure you hear it" and turned it up even louder. The entire street would have heard hours of moaning and filthy porn dialogue blasting from our house for hours (and it was the small hours of the morning so they would have been home and trying to sleep). I was getting ready to take the dog and go sleep in a park because he was just insane and scary, when I heard him snoring. He was unconscious all day on Saturday; so I'm assuming that was the "something special" he was planning. Well, it wasn't what I expected, but it was pretty peaceful so I guess it was special enough.

So that was fun.

He was glued to my side on Sunday and very very sorry. He was also very very sorry on Monday and then again on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, I went on a long voyage to collect my daughter from her dad's house and then to stay with my mother who has just returned from overseas. We visited my grandmother's new house, had lunch, and generally had a lovely day. Then we returned to my mother's house and everyone was happy to see her home again after 6 weeks away- except for my sister. I mentioned that she had decided to play-act at being a psychopathic codependant in my mother's absence? Well, it appears she got a lot worse. The entire house had been labled with sticky notes- mine, don't touch, my chair don't sit on it, my food, don't use this unless you intend to wash it...well my parents laughed and started to take the notes down and sister came out screaming (not even a hello, how was your trip) and started screaming "HOW DARE YOU REMOVE MY NOTES, IF YOU HAD RAISED YOUR CHILDREN RIGHT I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO DO THIS, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH WHILE YOU ARE GONE, THINGS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT AROUND HERE FROM NOW ON" and so on. My parents waited until she had left the room and then quietly whispered "wow, has she been like this the whole time?". Everyone taking in hushed tones. No-one wanted the satan to know that they were talking about her.

So I accidentally put something in one of my sister's designated areas (a section of the kitchen table) and my mother hissed "quick, move it, don't upset her". And I realised, very sadly, that they are afraid of her. And so it went. Sister emerged from her room to scream every so often and everyone quietly rearranged themselves so as not to "upset her". It was pretty sad. I didn't buy into it or respond to her and she didn't scream at me....just saying....I wonder if she would dare? Years ago when my siblings were all underage I stayed there when my parents went away "so there was an adult present" and sister was rude and refused to clean her mess, so I picked up all of her rubbish and dishes and put it all in her bedroom, and she tried to stand over me (she's a lot bigger than me) and tell me that I was supposed to clean it because it was "the job I had agreed to do". Oh baby did I let her have it back then, and she's never had a rude word to say to me since. I can't fathom why they don't stand up to her, but anyway. So when she came out screaming again I asked her "what has been deposited in your posterior, darling sister of mine?" (or words to that effect) and she just looked down and muttered "I don't know" and went away. And mum pleaded with me..."don't upset her". Holy mother of God. What? Did? I? Just? Witness?

So I'm the only sane person in my life, right? Oh, and my darling daughter of course. So this afternoon we leave with the intent of getting this new special gluten free pancake meal we have been planning for ages and having an enjoyable trip home. But we get to the restaurant and the waitress is being difficult. Really difficult. Basically, on the gluten free menu one can order pancakes, with banana or strawberries, or one can order pancakes on their own. One can also order bacon and eggs. On the "normal" menu one can order pancakes with bacon and eggs for $15. But she wont allow us to order bacon and eggs on gluten free pancakes. What she will let us do is order the pancakes seperately and the bacon and eggs as a side dish at a cost of almost $30. This is stupid and unfair. The gluten free pancakes are only $1 more expensive and it's the same damn bacon and eggs.  Daughter is angry as she wants bacon and eggs and I cant afford $30 for such a basic meal. We are both pissed off with the stupid waitress and her manager who refuses to come and see us. We share a banana pancake in silence and at the end my daughter grabs a pencil and a slip of paper from the "comments" box and says "mum, how do you spell disappointed?" Then she draws a giant flower on the comment sheet and deposits it in the box. This makes me laugh. I do love this daughter of mine.

We arrive at the train station. I request our tickets home and they are 3 times the normal price. I am shocked and the ticket man tells me that things have recently changed. (in the last 24 hours?) So I pay, very unhappy and after he hands me the tickets he says "it's peak time right now, if you caught the train in half an hour it would have been the regular price". Oh. I tell him we will do that then please, as we were going to grab a bite to eat before travelling anyway. Nope, he says, he can't refund the tickets now. Too bad, so sad. So we go and eat (still hungry after sharing one lousy pancake) and I am fuming. We get on the train AFTER peak time has ended and I am spluttering over the shocking waste of money. We sit down with our bags (I took 2 backpacks, but somehow although I have repeatedly requested that they NOT do it, my family members have all left various pieces of useless crap for us at my mothers house and they take up an entire suitcase which I am now transporting home. Because they figure, we're poor, so we must want their unwanted STUFF. So now I have to sort through all of this old unwanted crap and get rid of it. After lugging it home on 2 buses and a train and a walk with a VERY FREAKING HEAVY SUITCASE. Fun.

We find a large 4-seater spot on the train and settle in for the long ride home.

I still have my cool intact. I've been keeping my cool throughout everyone's crazy for a couple of weeks and I tell daughter "let's look on the bright side. If we had gotten the pancakes we wanted, we would never have found that yummy mexican place. We know now to not travel before 6pm. And hey, we scored a 4-seater so we can be comfortable on the way home. Let's look at this a learning for next time".

And then the carriage fills up, and a man is standing over us, looking pointedly at our luggage. My cool evaporates.

He says, very nicely "would you like me to move your suitcase to the storage area?" I say no thank-you very tersely. I don't like to put my luggage out of sight as it tends to go missing. I start to pile my bags on top of me (like an angry tantrum throwing moron) and turn myself into a living luggage sculpture. I cannot express how ridiculous my actions were; it's a 1.5 hour train ride and I piled a suitcase, 2 backpacks and a huge shopping bag full of crap on top of myself and sat there stormily. Before sitting down, the man asks again in what I have to say was a very patient and understanding voice "please, can I help you put some bags in the overhead compartment at least?" And I lose it. "I don't need any 'xxxx' help THANK YOU" and continue sitting under my luggage sculpture. Oh good. This is probably the most reasonable person I have met all day, and I'm throwing a wobbly at him. A man standing in the aisle is giggling at me, and he grabs my suitcase and shifts it into a spot behind him and gives me a wink. This calms me for some reason. I put my other stuff in the overhead and thank him and sit with my head in my hands because I'm so embarrased by my own behaviour. This happens a lot lately. My angry comes out at perfectly reasonable strangers and I end up feeling like a ridiculous angry child.

Later in the journey, my daughter asks me where the train goes after we disembark. I confess that I don't know. The nice man sitting with us seems to have forgotten that I swore at him because he looks up andexplains the route the train takes. He makes a point of smiling kindly at me- no hard feelings. 

We make it home after a long bus ride. The dog almost wags himself in half, he's so happy to see us. Is there anything nicer to come home to? I start to relax. 

Then, the A comes home from work. Without even saying hello, he starts ranting about how he has discovered a discrepancy in his pay, he's GOT them! He's finally figured out how his employer is ripping him off. It goes on, and on. He's got them. They'll be sorry. Then my mother starts messaging me about my sister. Did I SEE how rude she is? Do I SEE what she has to put up with? Have I ever seen anything so ridiculous?

Ah hell. Where's the nice train-man? I need someone to swear at.

Ye Gods. My misdirected anger and I have some work to do.