The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I received many nice responses from my post and left my last statement that I was going to support my wife in any decision she decides to follow.
Well I have. I retuned to aa to continue the 12-steps program, have come to some peace with my self in supporting my wife's recovery that will continue in another city when she moves and we sign the separation papers.
I have some inner peace that I feel guilty about. That is, I am going to let her go without a fight, fight I don't know I have anymore of at this point. They say just take care of "me" and let the changes speak for themselves. This part really confuses me because "I" is one of the big problems with A.
At this point the AA program fellowship has brought back quickly what I had been working on all along not to be: "I', self centered and demanding, not understanding the damage I created. Just 2 meeting over the weekend made me realize quickly that it's not just about not drinking.
My wife posted her hurt 6-days ago 'xxxx' and what she experienced was correct about my inconsistency in what I said or did not say. My jealously and insanity had returned. I was out of place thinking I should receive love and affection after just 6-months. It was caused due to not following the AA path. My other path, using her as my higher power, was not going to fix who I had become, and for this I am so sorry.
Since, our discussion have been very constructive and sensitive. I don't won't to separate but I have to support her recovery in what ever manner she feels will be best for her. Being around her family will be a great asset when she retires in November.
Most would say it is the dry drunk talking, but I hope not.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 2nd of October 2013 10:57:42 AM
Glad you've acknowledged you don't have any more fight in you. Surrender is a much more peaceful place to land within ourselves. It is from that humble state that we can begin to find a genuine connection to a power greater than ourselves and to our true selves that got buried a long time ago. Your choice to become a member of AA will certainly help you do both one day at a time if you do what others have done to save their own lives and regain their sanity. Good for you! It takes courage to admit you need help and to accept that help in the way it comes to you in the AA program. No matter what your wife does or doesn't do, you can continue your choice to get and to remain sober and grow.
Thank you for sharing this difficult time in your life here . your honesty and humility are powerful reminders of the principles of both AA and Alanon
It is important that you have returned to AA and are focusing on yourself . Alcoholism is a fatal progressive disease . A person recovering from this life threatening disease must keep the focus on themselves and take the Medicine prescribed-- AA meetings a sponsor the Steps and Service. Saving your life is the most important issue . Trust the process and HP
Gofred after a while our start date isn't as important than the day we have now. Your program comes first and you ought not do the program for any other reason than self. You are powerless over her, he choices and consequences. As it has been said on both boards you are dealing with a deadly disease which doesn't consider you or anyone else you're attached to as special. Focus on Gofred...grab a hold of your HP's hand and keep on keeping on.
Thank you for your update and I'm glad that you're continuing to work your program one day at a time. Surrendering to and trusting the process isn't easy, but it is a healthy choice.
It may be helpful to keep in mind that the disease distorts perceptions- both yours and hers. Working the program, AA or Alanon, helps us see the facts as they are, not through the diseases' jaded eyes- and a whole new universe of choices opens to us by finding gratitude in today. Also, two people will have different daily recovery especially early on; know this and keep the focus on your program.
Continued prayers for you and your wife to have the courage and wisdom for daily recovery, forgiveness of self and others, openness to possibility, and all things good.
Remember in the steps and traditions it talks about it being a program of attraction, not promotion. Well, that same thing goes for relationships. You can't promote yourself with your wife. You have to attract her with your "brilliance" in all things, physical, spiritual, emotional. You did it once many years ago and it can happen again but you have to give it time. One day at a time. If you try to promote yourself you just look like you're controlling her, pushing too hard. Let it happen by doing the next right thing, staying positive.
