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Ive been praying about my daughter (23yrs old) being attracted to the same alcoholic/addict type ppl I have all my yrs... Her dad (my ex ) is a A and my current husband is a A.
Im stepping back and trying to let her learn for own self. Shes def is learning the hard way. And Her grandma spoke with me about us being a united front of tough love. She tells me something and her something else..... OMG .... my babygirl has some A qualities !!
She has been in councling due to her emtional dependency on men, and bad relationship with her dad ,, also low self esteem that happened when she was 18. She was the "all american girl" until about 18. Thats when something happened to her (with a guy) and she lost all her confidence and self esteem. Since then ... other than holding down a good job, she has made one bad choice after another.
She told me yesterday that her counciler (mine too) told her SHE had a drinking problem. I actually beleive this .... I hate it .. but I beleive it. She told me I use to drink and have fun and be fun... Now she drinks to forget things or pass out. She said ... I think I need to sell my house or rent it and move back in with you.
BROKE MY HEART ...but I said No sister ..I dont think thats an option, or a good choice. She said WOW ,, my dad doesnt love me (he's an A) and my (A)BF left me and now I cant move in with my mom.
I said sister ... if you listen to your councilor and stop drinking and eduacte yourself on your decisions with why on men choices and get in a support group (alanon or AA) You will be fine. If not life will continue to be hard. i am here for emtional support and will listen every time you need to talk.. but getting better and having a good life is up to you and being in denial and denying other ppls "red flags" .... wont ever let you get better and heal.
When she went home .. I laid down and bawled my eyes out ... but I didnt change my answer!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
And the reality is that yes, these things have happened to her and yes, she can't move back home. As to whether or not you did the right thing? Would you be asking yourself the same question if she moved back home? I've found it helpful to practice the 11th step in these situations. Otherwise, I spend all my time twisting in the wind of my ever-swirling best case/worst case scenarios. You've offered her a listening ear and a caring Mom. That sounds good to me. The rest of it can be solved by living one day at a time with knowledge of your HP's will for you and the power you are given to carry it out. Much support - Mom to Mom.
Thank you grateful !
I, in my brain, know it would be horrible if she moved back home. I would have a A expecting me to take care of her, and she's in denial ..... She would never get better or get herself help. My heart will hurt for her weather she's at my house or her house....But her house gives her the option of helping herself and not hiding behind me.
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
This is the moment where a bandaid just wont do. Your daughter is young and lucky you are there to support her. Supporting means lending an ear and encouraging her to do for herself so that she can appreciate her accomplishments. Suggestions, solutions and options of the things we can do to help ourselves are what we all are in need of for support. Her choices, her consequences and her rewards are hers.
In the past months my little one has learned to walk. I have watched her fall and cheered her on when she got back up. Sometimes she cries when she bonks herself and I give her a hug but I cant keep her from falling again. She had to have some help in the beginning but from here on in its her legs that need to keep her up and going. If I were to carry her around all the time because I was afraid she would fall and hurt herself she would never have learned to walk.
I love how you saw the reality of the situation and now know that you have done the most loving thing you can do under the current circumstances. (((S)))
What you said to her was the kindest and most supportive thing you can ever do for an A. You showed her how to stand up for herself, by doing it for yourself and not putting her in a position of taking advantage of you and shirking her own responsibilities. That is love. I know how hard it is, but its the right thing in my opinion. Take care of yourself so that you'll be strong when she needs your support.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
