FEAR FALSE-EVIDENCE -APPEAR -REAL - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

FEAR FALSE-EVIDENCE -APPEAR -REAL

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby wrote:
he said mom I can tell you have not been working your program.. Well he is right I've been to busy doing the " what ifs " we ended our call with I'll see you next week love you bye. I am afraid.. It's true how would I handle him being back home. ?? I'm so ugggg!!

yep...he is right....focusing on your fears about him, when you need to be just focusing on your alanon and let him work his recovery.......as to "how would I handle him being back home???" he isn't home yet.....so remember the One day at a time.....Get through today...that is enough and today is all we got...if we have a tomorrow, then we deal.....and again...one day at a time.....projecting, "what if'ing" will drive me nuts....sometimes I have to force me to stay in the "right now".....glad your son is in therapy....Hope he stays on recovery and you too...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby: Sharing my fears with my sponsor and working the steps helped me let go of thinking my son was responsible for the ways I was thinking or feeling. Sharing my fears with my son about his sobriety would feel awful to me. I would be concerned that I was trying to undermine his efforts in his recovery program. It is apparent to me that you question not working your program, Gaby. What might happen if you chose to work your program for real? What might happen if you attended meetings, found a sponsor, worked on yourself and your program? Might there be a payoff for you that you could celebrate rather than feel bad about? It continues to be your choice as to whether or not you really want the promises of the Al-Anon program, but those results are sure better than choosing to refuse to work our program.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 29th of September 2013 09:14:24 AM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 29th of September 2013 11:02:41 AM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Gaby...it's never too late and when you are in and on your program he has as much chance as you do when he is on his. If you're whatiffn you should also add the whatifnotins to keep balance and most of all work the program as suggested. He is not going to save you or cause you to get lost again. ((((hugs)))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby

I am happy your son is in recovery.

Telling your son that you are fearful is a negative and destructive form of communication -- it is our way of looking at the world and seeing the "Glass half full" and not allowing hope to enter. I do understand and would like to suggest what worked for me.

Alanon taught me that I was powerless over others and if that was the case THEY were also powerless over me. I could not go the Hardware Store (The alcoholic) looking for them to fix my feelings. No one is responsible for my feelings except myself.

If I feel Fear, Anger, Sadness, or am Lonely, Alanon gave me the tools to look at my part in the situation , correct that part, pray about the outcome and turn it all over to HP. Wonder of wonders the feeling left and I was filled with courage (to live )ODAT) with serenity and a little wisdom

Please keep coming back You are worth it.

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

By working your own program. Just like in any good marriage.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't have the "what ifs " because I know what will happen if my son doesn't recover. What my problem is the negative thoughts and maybe saying the wrong things if I talked to him.

I have to keep it if in doubt don't say it

(((( hugs ))))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.