The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Your boyfriend has a disease that can or will affect many types of people, there are Drs. , Lawyers, teachers, and people you come in contact every day that may be fighting an addiction. Addiction shows no mercy.
Best that you prepare for anything for it is a gamble to be with an addict.
Heron there is always hope. All you can control is you and your young boys life you have to be present for them most importantly.
I hope you will attend if you arn't , an Alanon meeting, it will give you the tools to cope with this horrendous disease and if you practice the tools and sayings and learn the philosophy it will make your life a whole lot better.
Everyone including me understands what your going thru, we have all been there. I am so grateful for Alanon.
Keep coming back. Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 27th of September 2013 12:47:45 AM
My boyfriend is smart, well educated, and a crack addict. How do I deal with this? He moved out two weeks ago, got his own place and has been on a couple benders since. He will drink and automatically want to get high. I feel like I don't even know this person who goes downtown Seattle to buy crack from shady people. Who is this person, why are they doing this? They could be an amazing person.
he makes hood money, but never gets ahead. I'm scared he will die. He blacks out..says he all most drove off the road. I'm terrified for his life. I'm trying to be a good mother to my two young boys but I've been under so much stress. Why is he doing this? Some crackhead stole his iPad that happen to have personal pictures of myself on it. I'm so resentful and angry, but I'm mostly scared he will die.
Agree with Bettina...it's a disease and it doesn't have to make sense. Stop even trying to rationalize it. It's an insane addiction - PERIOD.
As far as how alcoholism can insideously progress to drugs. Well --- This is what I know about cross addiction. OFTEN times when someone has an addiction that is to a substance that is a depressant, they will seek out another substance to counterbalance it and that is usually a stimulant.
Hence, alcholics progress to be crack addicts and/or crystal meth addicts because it allows them to stay up all night drinking and it's like they can ride a drunken buzz forever. In the earlier stages of that drug/alcohol addiction combo it would seem like the person has found a successful way to drink round the clock...stills show up to work...etc. The upper drugs take away the hangover and get them through the day. This may "work" for a bit until the consequence mount and then the crash and burn is even worse than if it had just ben alcohol.
For you - it's going to be a hard process of letting go. Whether you let go of him fully or not is your choice, but no matter how successful he looks and/or acts at times, call a spade a spade. Do you want a crack user around your kids? Not to induce guilt cuz the disease of addiction happens and it's insideous and you already love the person by the time you realize how bad it is. Stay focused and do try out alanon meetings. It will keep you focused on you and the kids rather than him and his addiction and wanting to understand his insanity so bad you lose sight of keeping your own house sane and safe.
Excellent ESH from the others. Please put your and your children's safety first. Be aware that the dealers may come to your home looking for your BF or for money.
Excellent ESH from the others. Please put your and your children's safety first. Be aware that the dealers may come to your home looking for your BF or for money.
This is very true,.....If this were me I would be putting major distance between any contact w/this man and myself.....you have children to protect...they are helpless they need you........U want to know how to "deal with this"??? you "Deal" by getting into alanon, working the meetings, gettiing a good sponsor to guide you through the steps and you practice the slogans and their wisdom and you majorally detach from this addict.........
He is not in recovery.....dangerous thing b/c this is only going to get worse......he will drink, drug, drink, drug and it will either cause him to go nuts or he will end up in hospital
my niece was drinker/drugger....meth was her "upper" my poor little grandniece , all she did was try to peek in the bathroom to see how her mom was and her mom tried to gauge her eyes out with a finger nail file
these people are very very dangerous.....i loved my bautiful niece....she was a beauty....smart.....had a great life infront of her........now she is a horrible looking crack head, clean for now, but NOT in NA or AA for her substance abuse......she looks dreadful, teeth really bad....bones all arthritic b/c the drugs leech the calcium out of the bones, and nutrients.......she teeth are 1/2 gone......i can't look at her pictures.....
as long as they are non recovery, there is no hope for a life w/them....her daughter had a baby.....the daughter will not let her alone w/the baby...only supervised visits.........what a life!!!!
I cannot ever have her over b/c she will steal to get drugs and alcohol if she 'decides to go on a *sabatical* as she calls it......
I sincerely hope you knuckle down w/alanon and let this guy go to his own lessons.....he is walking heartache and possibly a danger to the children....when they get high on that stuff a crying child or an irritant of some kind can set them off.....my niece wouldn't hurt a fly if she was back sane, but on that stuff, she tried to blind her own daughter.......
really....I know this post of mine sounds horrible and scary, it is the TRUTH.....you are dealing w/a ticking time bomb.........AND his friends???? some creepy folks used to come looking for "T" at her house, all hours and her poor daughter who was , thankfully, 18, had to move out and to this day only a few of us have her address.........her mom doesn't even know where she lives.......when her mom wants to see the baby, my grand niece meets her somewhere safe
Please...U R playing with fire and those children deserve to be safe.....yes, pray for him, but stay away is my suggestion........I have BEEN there........seen my niece all "high" and crazy......I had to call the cops on her for tearing up the neighborhood when I was back in CA and cops came and she went at them like a ferral cat....they had to , it took 2 cops to wrestle her down to the ground to cuff her and I can't tell you how many "sabaticals" in jail she has been on......how many counties she has been a "guest of" her last stint was about a year............
shes been out for a couple of months.....no NA no AA.....so when does she go off again???? who knows??? but her personality is all messed up....like u say the slightest thing to her and she is like ready to break your neck.........last I heard from my other niece, her youngest sister, is that she stays away from her.....shes just too volatile from all that crap......she is like a "dry" drunk only add narcotics to the mix............
Its your life and your kids, your decision, but If I were you, I would detach from him and work my program....there are guys out there who are not a vial of nitro glycerine.....there are healthier prospects who would be safe to be around your kids if you got to be close........why live and deal with this???
If you did not have kids, I would not have posted this much, but I fear for ANY child put in harms way and hanging out or being around in ANY way an active drinker or drugger is putting the kids in harms way......I have seen the terrible, catastrophic results of single parents with small children hanging out w/active A's or NA's......I kinda get triggered b/c I have seen too many awful tragedies due to being around active users and drinkers.....
my poor little grand niece has anger issues, fear issues...the stress her mom put her through, she has colitis and shes only 30.....she is a mom ,now and thank goodness she protects the baby...won't let anyone who drinks to access or ANY drugs at all around her new baby.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
