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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Great Intimacy Meeting today
Post Info TOPIC: Great Intimacy Meeting today
luv123


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Great Intimacy Meeting today
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Thought I would share a cool meeting idea with my recovery pals:
 
Today I went to a great special 3 hr. workshop Al-anon meeting on intimacy. It had so many well thought through ideas and a panel of people with  very differing intimacy situations just answering questions out of their own experience--people put questions in a basket to keep their anonymity or they could ask out loud and or share at the end of meeting. one is elderly and in a sober sexual R. Another is married to an Active A but manages to have happiness and intimacy even still and how she overcame resentments and detaches from certain aspects but can still enjoy sexual intimacy with this person, one is in a sober relationship without sex due to an injury but manages to find other ways to have both  emotional and physical int. and also how she avoids looking outside marriage. They discussed how they overcame infidelity issues from non sober and sober spouse, or porn, etc.
 
They used an out of print ala-pamphlet on Intimacy, some pages from Hope for Today & Dilemma of Alc. Marriage
 
They discussed intimacy as having fun, trust, & spontaneity in other relationships because through working on steps, sponsorship, etc. they feel safer with HP & self. Sponsorship gave them evidence that they could be acceptable even with flaws. They also mentioned using steps to overcome knowing u 'could' be rejected and going through with being true to yourself anyway. That safety doesn't mean trusting u will never be let down but knowing/trusting u will make it through whatever comes with HP.
 
They also discussed how some situations are just not safe to be intimate in... period. How using the steps can help us come to the right decision of weather maybe we just need to stop bringing the wrong self to the right relationship or how to stop trying to make the right relationships with the wrong ppl. And dealing with those grey areas. The answer is usually steps, service and good sponsorship...now what's the question?
 
 


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Wishing all the best on your recovery journey, Luv
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Thinking more about this and from experience understand and acknowledge that for me...intimancy is a real indication of recovery...without it something or someone is missing.  Mahalo Luv...had to think on it and now I'm wishing.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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Mari1978


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I struggle with the issue of intimacy. There is none in the relationship and I find it very difficult not to become angry because of it. On the weekend AH came home stumbling drunk and passed out. I did not engage in conversation and let him be. I tried to remind myself not to be concerned and that I needed to sleep but still struggled till about 2am when I finally texted a friend...he is male of course and I knew he would be up having worked the night shift. We texted random silly things, nothing serious or outside the boundaries. I was so relaxed and relieved for having been able to let go of the evenings events I could finally feel my eyelids become heavy and finally caved around 3am. I didn't feel guilty about remembering the closeness of our friendship.(13 years ago) We cuddled and spent some time together, we didn't actually engage in a full out relationship, we just enjoyed each others company for awhile. We went in separate directions and reconnected five years ago. It  was simply remembering that peacefulness that finally swept over my mind and body that I was able to fall asleep. The tears begin to flow now because I know I will not have that in this relationship now or maybe never again. I feel safe confiding in my friend. He is safe because he does not want anything from me. Yes he makes jokes but that's all they are just wisecracks to make me laugh. I guess I keep asking for the strength not to cave to those needs and go looking in places that just wont help my situation any. I know my AH is sick and there is not a thing I can do about it. He is not capable of providing any kind of a nurturing relationship. I need to keep my whole self steady and strong for this path and when I have finally found my way to the other side no matter the outcome I can look back with dignity and know I did the best that I could. I feel like that there is no hope for any kind of a relationship with my AH, he is just sinking away and I don't want to sink with him. Everyday I let go a little more gaining strength in my own footing and acknowledging the reality of this situation. He is not okay and is just getting worse. He is mentally fading quickly. I ask my HP for the strength to not fall into the depths of despair. I ask that I may not go looking for intimacy in the wrong places. I need to surround myself with healthy things that help me grow and become strong. Maybe one day there will be that feeling again with the right relationship, maybe my AH...I don't know what is to come. I need to be okay with that.



-- Edited by Mari1978 on Monday 23rd of September 2013 09:29:35 AM

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grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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One of the struggles I had growing up in a family affected by alcoholism - Mom was ACOA and I suspect so was my Dad although he spent more time with his Mom and therefore was more of the nurturer than my Mom - was being allowed expression of my feelings after I reached the age of 7 or 8. Until then, my life was grand. Lots of delightful experiences just being alive and being loved and loving. As the stressors grew for my parents, so did mine. I learned to stuff feelings rather than express them. Weight gain accompanied that stuffing. Fast forward divorce and a HP'd method of re-learning to be in touch with and to express my feelings. That, to me, was true intimacy. Allowing my feelings to speak to me, learn from them, and to express them in a safe environment with others who were learning to do the same thing. I saw my own and other people's "underbellies" so to speak. That changed me. That changed my whole life. I notice when I am with people now who only live in their heads, I can shut down intimacy with myself again, because I am once again stuffing my feelings. When I do that, I'm shutting off intimacy with my HP and with others, too.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Great Intimacy Meeting today