The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last Friday I posted in regards to a few vows that I wanted to work on. It is amazing once you FINALLY reach the point of understanding that you really are powerless to their addiction, and that the only thing that can be changed is ourselves and our attitudes. I have been attempting to get to this point for four years. After placing these vows last Friday, I had a transformation of a weekend. One in which I not once bothered him about his using, I did not question him, I did not care to know, because it is none of my business. I did not fret over little things like I normally would have, such as housework, or why it took him so long to get back from his AA meeting, or how we're going to pay the bills. I took the time to take care of myself. I tried to eat better (usually with the stress I don't have an appetite and have lost quite a few pounds in the last year). Instead of staying up late waiting for him to go to bed with me, I fell asleep early without him. Instead of instantly becoming frusterated with my children over "not having enough time" for them. I took a deep breathe and MADE time for them. Once I actually took the time to go slow, to think before I speak, to concentrate on what I was doing at the time instead of what i did yesterday or will do tomorrow. I realized that so many instances of worry and anger were not because of my A and his problems, they were because of me and mine, and it is about time for me to stop blaming him for my misery, take care of myself, and to give him room to learn how to take care of himself as well.
By doing so, in just a few days time, I have observed not only myself smiling (sometimes the smile was forced but it was still a smile), but he was smiling more as well. My two children seemed happier. Just by giving them a little bit more of my time. When I felt I had reason to worry, I constistantly reminded myself that EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE. That I do not have to make a decision about it RIGHT NOW. That even if something bad does happen, I CAN handle it. Because I believe in myself.
I was at an Al Anon meeting last night and an older gentlemen telling his story said something that kind of hit home. He said that Step One is admitting that you are powerless to their disease, and when he misses meetings he starts to think that he HAS the power to change his A. Therefore, It is so important for us to have a constant reminder to keep our thoughts in check. Keep going to meetings and surround ourselves in the loving and non-judgmental fellowship that we have here.
I just wanted to share my experience with the power of posistive thinking. And I know this is only the beginning of my recovery, but it is a start. Thank you all for your support, kind words, and for taking your time to read this.
Thanks for sharing, Faith. One thing I learned about step 1 is that I have to work it every day. Well, I spend some time focusing on the first 3 steps every day because they keep me grounded in program. They are the solid base on which the other steps are built upon.
Thanks Ilovedogs. It is definitely a challenge. To train your brain to think along a positive track, sometimes feels like going against the grain. If I use the tools that I have been given to work through my "stinkin thinking" it certainly helps. Somedays are better than others though :)
