My son and my vain imaginings - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My son and my vain imaginings

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

The most I've really been able to do is be there and to love him

This, I believe, is all that is really desired of us....my life boils down to who have I loved and how great have I loved.

And happy birthday to you and your son...

-- Edited by PP on Tuesday 17th of September 2013 10:42:25 AM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Catherine

I know the pain and suffering you have gone through. I know of your son's suffering...I see it in mine

I know when we surrender and we ask HP to help us let go and take our hand and guide us we will then truly know we are powerless.

Your love is strong for your son and you have given yourself to God that he can take some of that pain away.

Your right the most you can do is be there and love him.....that's all any of us can do.

I pray for you and your son this day that he will let his HP in and find recovery. I will pray this might his greatest Birthday Day gift ever.

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Tuesday 17th of September 2013 12:42:30 PM

Mari1978 · Senior Member

Lots of love and support to you g2b. Your courage inspires me to move forward with this program. Letting go of all that we can not control.

M

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

The best way I show my Hp that I trust him is to hand over the lives of the people I love the most every day.

hugs Tracy xxxx

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My dear friend how horribly sad and painful! It seems like some people go thru so much more than others! If you are the parent of one, that would be a constant hurt in your heart.

Please remember, if we lose them, we will see them again. Going by your beliefs as well as mine. Does not make it hurt less, but it gives us hope.

I wish for you to do your best to keep nice things around you. Flowers, clean house, go see friends, ask for hugs. Cry in someones arms.

I so want to say or do more, but am at a loss. Take things as they come, ONE day at a time.

love,debilyn

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, all! Just got back from a meeting. I can remember when I first entered the rooms and had to deal this time with the disease in relationship to my son, rather than his father. I can remember the fear, the tears, utilizing tough love/soft love, encouraging him, being angry with him, inability to sleep and all that goes with the tough choices and the hard reality of having absolutely no power at all in relationship to his disease and the effects of it. Tonight, I noticed a different person than I was when I entered those rooms. I could identify with the other parents who are new to these struggles, the young wives and the gfs, and the children of alcoholic parents. I was also aware that if I had chosen to ignore what I knew was necessary for me - Al-Anon - I wouldn't have learned how to cope. Honestly, when my son first appeared at my home at age 26, I was fairly certain that his living in a drug free/no alcohol zone with firm limits, boundaries and reasonable expectations of him in place, he would be able to recover within a year or two. I didn't know then what I know now. I also am at a much more accepting place of the reality of my son's disease and its consequences than I was when I first entered the rooms after his arrival back into my home.

Al-Anon really is the best way to keep or to reclaim one's sanity and to learn how to live and let live. My HP knew that I needed the strength and the fellowship of the program to avoid being destroyed by the disease myself. To all the newcomers who join our family at MIP, please keep coming back here and attending meetings. It may not make a difference in your alcoholic's life. It will make a difference in yours.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 17th of September 2013 07:42:01 PM

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Grateful, Happy Birthday to your son , be joyous he has made it to 38, a miracle in itself.

For one more day of life is worth more than all the systems in the Universe.

Be proud of yourself for all you did to keep him alive, your the best of the best.

Hugs,
Bettina

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear gratefu2Be

You are very wise woman Just loving him is enough!! He is a very fortunate young man.

I will say a special prayer for him on his Birthday and hold positive thoughts for you

-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 17th of September 2013 10:04:38 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

WOW....very touching post and yea, we can raise them up....but when they are grown up, they are on their own....and we have to respect that...............They are their own spirits, walking their own path, going their own journey and whether we like or not like the "walk" they are walking, it is theirs....and their lessons are theirs....

AND I wish your son a happy birthday and prayers that the NEXT 1/2 of his life is better...for him, and of course that spills over on you.......

I have come to terms w/ D#2 and yea, I love her, but I don't *like* the way she acts, treats me, etc.,

so I have the right not to change her, but I do have the right to walk away...distance myself....either no or very minimal contact.....maybe in time I can chat w/her, but NO making plans, no expecting anything of her, nothing but a very very superficial relationship......

nothing else I can do.....I am just accepting what is FACT...not what I had hoped.....She has been "difficult" at best for a LONG time and I finally decided I had enough.......

I also decided to remember the good, and minimize focusing on the bad.....what point is there re-hashing it over and over here or with her or with family.....its time to just take care of me and go on......I have talked this subject to death, in my pain and grief and confusion, now its time to let go...take care of me....do rescue work or work w/animals in some way....gonna go to pound tomorrow to see if can talk w/a supervisor.....

anyway, your share was really nice.....

Rose50 · Senior Member

((grateful2be)))

Your love for your son shines through in this heartfelt post. I am so very sorry for your pain...I know how hard it is to bear.

All we can do is love them. Their lives are in HP's hands.

Happy Birthday to your son. May he find peace.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:

Al-Anon really is the best way to keep or to reclaim one's sanity and to learn how to live and let live. My HP knew that I needed the strength and the fellowship of the program to avoid being destroyed by the disease myself. To all the newcomers who join our family at MIP, please keep coming back here and attending meetings. It may not make a difference in your alcoholic's life. It will make a difference in yours.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 17th of September 2013 07:42:01 PM

((((G)))) a very bright fellow recovery friend said to me...........this is a "save your own butt program" b/c that is ALL we can do......save and reclaim, then maintain our own sanity and peace.......we cannot do it for another...maybe we are rendered powerless b/c if we did have power to change the other, we would , of course, interfere, and therefore, rob them of the life lessons they need to learn , had they been forced to face their stuff on their own.............if we had power over them, they would never grow.........so its a GOOD thing we are powerless, also , in that , the burden would overwhelm us.....and because we try and try, we burden ourselves and become spiritually ill b/c we are experiencing "experience overload" and it is fruitless.........

HUGS to you, my friend....

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((N))) Back at you, my dear recovering sister in MIP.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, Betty.

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