The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my case, I'm thinking maybe he's just not worth the effort. Yes I am and will continue to put major work into ME.....BUT I thinking putting any effort into staying together would be a waste of my energy. I think I rode this horse till it died, conuinued to sit on the dead carcus while the bizzards picked it clean, and then camped out in the empty skeleton. Now that paints a pretty ugly picture doesn't it??? But that is this marriage. I can't forsee any way this horse is gonna spring back to life. if i try to move forward, I'm gonna have to drag this damn thing every step of the way. Which would be a lot harder than leaving it behind. And besides you can only get so far dragging something, then you're gonna get stuck, or die trying. I feel this marriage has no life left . The AH drained every bit of life out of it. BUT the good thing is, I feel I am NOT the marriage, I am more than the marriage, I don't need it to live. The big question is do I have the balls to leave it????
I found that by working the progam, keeping an open mind, and examining my motives each day, I was guided to making a decision that worked for me. Praying for Courage, Serenity and Wisdom worked.
In my case, I'm thinking maybe he's just not worth the effort. Yes I am and will continue to put major work into ME.....BUT I thinking putting any effort into staying together would be a waste of my energy. I think I rode this horse till it died, conuinued to sit on the dead carcus while the bizzards picked it clean, and then camped out in the empty skeleton. Now that paints a pretty ugly picture doesn't it??? But that is this marriage. I can't forsee any way this horse is gonna spring back to life. if i try to move forward, I'm gonna have to drag this damn thing every step of the way. Which would be a lot harder than leaving it behind. And besides you can only get so far dragging something, then you're gonna get stuck, or die trying. I feel this marriage has no life left . The AH drained every bit of life out of it. BUT the good thing is, I feel I am NOT the marriage, I am more than the marriage, I don't need it to live. The big question is do I have the balls to leave it????
Island, this is one of the most honest, non cruel, true, open and brave share that I have seen....U talk about it w/out rancor and venom...Just the FACTS, mam.....and I relate to it....in relationships other than just my A's...I felt it was just not worth the effort andpain anymore......as to "do I have the balls to leave it?????" I think we all have the balls...Deep within...If U had the "balls" to come here and get this far in your recovery, I would say YES..U have the Bollix to leave....the REAL ??? I would ask you is "do you have the DESIRE, yet, to leave"........I don't support staying w/active users or drinkers OR abusers...that is just me....however I never tell another what to do....it wold violate their boundaries in my opinion.....so you have to ask you...."do I really really WANT to leave????" Sometimes staying in misery is "too comfortable and familiar" to leave....thats where the steps and meets come in......peace be unto you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hotrod expressed it well! Let the principles of Alanon and the path of your HP guide you in your journey. It is a process of growth and becoming; you'll have the courage and skills to make decisions that are best for you. If something isn't feeling right or if you're not feeling ready, the saying, when in doubt, don't comes to mind. Alanon helps sort fear - when and how it can be safe to push through it... knowing if a decision is the right thing even though it feels scary vs reacting from fear.
You'll know if and when it is time to leave the marriage and you will be empowered to do it in spite of your fear. Glad you're working your program, one day at a time, one step at a time, one action at a time.
In another recovery facet of my life, I participated in a game - 1 year, 5 years and 10 years - it was what my life would look like if I remained in my eating disorder in the aforementioned three time frames and then conversely, what it would look like if I sought recovery.
I think the same can be said for staying with our A's when we feel as though there may not be anything left to resurrect. My old sponsor used to always say to me - What do YOU want your life to look like? And inevitably, it ended up featuring something along the lines of ME at peace with ME and with a healthy partner, able to have a healthy relationship.
