"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Am I being reactionary? I want to put this on my fb status?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know, BF. If it helps you in some way to post it, then...

On the other hand, if I really cared about the relationship, I think I'd privately reach out to the other and put things in I language ie I want you to know that I care about you and our relationship so I'm bringing something to you that is bothering me. Today, in your response to (insert a reference to your share) I felt bullied, put down, humiliated (or however you truly felt.)

I know that you believe very strongly in what you shared. I also believe very strongly in what I shared. What if we simply try to agree to disagree and leave it at that? Our relationship is more important to me that what we both think about....(whatever it is.) What do you think about us making an agreement like that? Love, BF

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 14th of September 2013 06:24:23 PM

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

F/b, I love it, it has started so many battles and breakup of friendships.

I agree with you Breaking free, its your page and your allowed to say anything you want. And if they don't like it they can delete themselves off your page.

I am very left wing radical and I will admit it...lol, so if you don't want to hear my truths....get your self off. You don't have to agree with me. Also if people get too religious, DELETE..

I like a good political argument, I have met many new friends from around the world. I have learned much. Where do we go to discuss this stuff. ???

This is where maturity comes into play and being secure with yourself. I'm not saying to be offensive, but its your F/B page and you should be able to say what you want. I don't believe in censorship.

-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 14th of September 2013 08:25:15 PM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am a free American last time I checked and entitled to my personal beliefs! Thanks for respecting my beliefs, just like I do yours whether I agree or not that is what makes us who we are and Thank God we are not all the same drone of a human being that can not have our own minds. I love each and every one of you my friends and family, but if you are going to be affended when you read my page we may need to break up on fb. I am not pushing my religion on you or my political views, so please don't do that to me. I will try to check my sources for future reference, but I am not perfect, take me as I am or don't. This is my fb wall read at your own discretion. Thanks All!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

What happened that precipitated this if you'd like to share? I guess without context framed for me, I'd have no e/s/h to share on this. Obviously, you've had a bit of a hit from somebody?

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
What happened that precipitated this if you'd like to share? I guess without context framed for me, I'd have no e/s/h to share on this. Obviously, you've had a bit of a hit from somebody?

I am with "G" on this...what happened to trigger this...I mean it *looks* ok, but w/no triggering pre-event, I am lost.....sorry, can we have more details????

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I like it Breaking Free

Say what you mean and do not say it mean

It is perfect

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Honestly, SCREW IT! Let it go.

I tend to shy away from people who don't respect my boundaries around religion. I am happy for them, that they are so sure they have the answers...but please respect that I have my own spiritual journey to walk.

First -- communicate your boundary -- say what you mean...blah blah you know the rest

Second -- if they can't respect it -- block them on fb and minimize your exposure to them

Hang in there sister...

RP

oldergal · Senior Member

BF I think when you put your beliefs, philosophy on a public forum you make yourself vulnerable you will have some people that will agree with you and some will get offended, you probably should expect this, no matter what statement you make beforehand. You may only reach the people that really believe in you....and that is more than ok. I work with the general public everyday and not one of them takes my signs the same way. So yes it will sound reactionary to some, but dont worry about it your intent is honorable...you know what they say "you can please some of the people some of the time etc etc....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

oldergal wrote:
BF I think when you put your beliefs, philosophy on a public forum you make yourself vulnerable you will have some people that will agree with you and some will get offended, you probably should expect this, no matter what statement you make beforehand. You may only reach the people that really believe in you....and that is more than ok. I work with the general public everyday and not one of them takes my signs the same way. So yes it will sound reactionary to some, but dont worry about it your intent is honorable...you know what they say "you can please some of the people some of the time etc etc....

WOW, i like this....AND in doing so, U kinda separate the wheat from the chaff in your life.....I have done posts similar to this in that I was setting a sort of "here is what I am, what I feel and what I believe....take me leave me, its ok, but if u are going to come against me on my own board, i will deleted you and my board is one of live and let live and peace, we can disagree and still maintain respect....anyone who violates that will be unfriended"

I did this b/c I had some "drama queens" on my board who didn't just disagree w/me or my other posters on MY WALL, but they would attack..........i ended up dumping them......my board is one of , ok...disagree and its OK...but it better be peace and respect on MY WALL or u r GONE......

slogan_jim · Senior Member

I'm Lost.

What do you want to put on your fb status?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I am quick to walk away from loud political and religious extremists. They mess with my serenity. I can accept their views as being valid, true, and meaningful for them...but not me. So that is where I leave it. I know and am friends with conservatives and ultra religious folks (that differs from me) but those topics are not our discussions really. If they wanna praise God, fine..I'm down with a lil hallelujah but I'm not gonna hang around for any judgments or lectures.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Breakingfree wrote:
I have some extended family that have different political and religious beliefs than I and I never say boo about a single thing they post, but every so often one of them come at me with saying things about what I believe and to check my sources if it goes against their beliefs. It gets frustrating and I can't understand why I am not entitled to my own opinions. Why they want to argue with me about anything is beyond me. I am very live and let live with them and what they post. So I get annoyed and today I deleted the post that set of one of my cousins and figured I should put the above message as my status for awhile. Not sure if I am going to do it or just let it go like I normally do.

-- Edited by Breakingfree on Saturday 14th of September 2013 05:01:45 PM

Hey BF....u R free to believe the way you want....to me facebook is optional......if one disagrees w/me...no worries...but if they come at me I "warn" them to "hey lets live and let live and disagree in peace" if that does not work, the "poof" they are off my book.....I won't argue, defend...justify....or explain myself to anyone as long as I am taking care of me and not harming another creatures boundaries.......I have unfriended a lot ofpeople and subsequently I am fussy whom i let on my board, b/c i want peace...fun...smiles...happy stuff and if it is serious post, lets all show respect or I delete.......end of case...its my board...my wall...my space....people act peaceful or they go.....i see what u mean and to me?? it aint worth being stressed about......i hit the unfriend button......i only let go stuff that i know is not really a trigger....i don't "let go" to do anyone a favor....i let it go and let the person stay , IF it is OK with ME....otherwise??? they GO.....JUST sayin

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It is hard because sometimes people I care for very much post FB things I can't agree with at all. It usually boils down to the degree of anger, or even rage, in their posts. "All those ----s deserve ----" kind of things. I find myself shocked at how angry they are, as well as dismayed because often the ----s (fill in the blank with all kinds of things) they're ranting about include other dear friends of mine. It takes a lot of deep breathing to let it go. I tell myself that probably no one's going to be influenced to be kinder just by being taken to task on Facebook. It's the face-to-face and person-to-person interactions that have more effect. But basically I do have to remind myself to breathe and let it go. Sometimes it's hard.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hmmmmmm. I'm not on fb. I've toyed with it. Uhhhhhhhh, no. I have enough trouble letting myself know what I believe without arguing. Thanks for the heads up on it. Smile.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear your frustration and understand how important it is to have a voice- and I have discovered that with some family members and others I will not likely have one... so, I disengage. I've observed that people who are judgmental as you describe tend to not be open enough to honor and respect boundaries; these same people are often not open to "learning". We're only in control of our own actions. You've expressed yourself beautifully, but I'm wondering if your expectations will be met. I've kept people on my facebook and removed them from the newsfeed, I'm wondering if restricting them would satisfy your expectations? Please take what you like and leave the rest.

In support.

islandtime · Veteran Member

some people tend to do big mouthed a-- holes on FB, saying things they would never have the nerve say to your face. If you are getting upset by it all, unfriend. FB is supposed to be fun. get rid of the ones who are stopping your enjoyment. That being said if you post something that you know is going to stir up some people, you know what's coming. I personally try to stay from all politics and religion on there, and keep it light.

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow, all these great responses to this post...

All I had to offer on this one was "huh", as in... what in the heck does this have to do with anything even remotely related to MIP and/or our recovery? :)

T

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

canadianguy --

I think this is about boundaries...and how to draw them...when to draw them..and who is safe to share our passions and beliefs with...

we are so programmed to please people that often we don't say anything and just take their foolishness...

thats how it relates to MIP for me...

RP

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with rehprof, Tom. These are personal issues that affect us in Al-Anon and learning how to deal with them in a way that helps us be who we are while we learn to let others be who they are is part of our recovery effort.

Mimi3 · Senior Member

LOVE IT!!!

YOU ARE A VERY WISE WOMAN WITH SUCH GREAT INSIGHT!

THANK YOU & BLESS YOU!

cwya · Senior Member

So for those of us who are not big on FB or may not have the ability to use it effectively (MOI), i second what someone else said: what are you guys talking about? did this topic originate in pm, fb or another thread? i'm lost, confused and at a disadvantage here since i have no idea what you were asking about or what prompted this discussion thread. So show us FB dunders a little love and clue us old folks in, ok?

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I think it sounds fine and I would post it but that saying "creatures of habit" comes to mind. I wouldn't set my expectations too high that people will change their behavior. You'll likely need to keep working your program by not reacting and detaching from unacceptable behavior. I would definitely post it because it shows respect for yourself! There's no downside to self respect.

Hugs! TT

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

So facebook is a social media network and people write and post things that can be political, religious or anything really that everyone on your friends list can see. I have lots of A's in my family who like to argue and I was just wondering if I should just kick them off my fb page altogether. Haha, thanks Tom I should maybe just make my boundaries and leave it off here.

ClearTheFog · Senior Member

I find this topic and thread very relevant to my recovery. I do not have a FB account, but I do frequent a forum that has thousands of members, and it can be a minefield if I don't watch it. I have been a lot happier on that forum since putting some al anon principles into practice, and have saved myself from contributing to the mud-slinging or "Someone is wrong on the internet" syndrome:

imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png

Facebook as well as other forum sites provide situations to practice my serenity where possible, although at times I wonder if the ultimate serenity might not be found in stepping awaaaaay from the computer altogether

.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"