The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to say thank you to my husband for all the bad things he did all the harm and that last button he pushed made me hit the bottom of that his job was done to bring me there. We all have a purpose in life and I guess we change by the poor choices and the suffering that goes with it. He sober today his higher power gave him his chance to change and live healthy. Now it's my turn I believe I stayed with my husband not because I'm crazy it's because I love him and a reason for me to change myself it took a while for me to accept that I was sick but could not see it or figure it out . I was surpose to see and acknowledge my past FEAR that can't hurt me any more I was able to let go let god have my abusive past . Today I changed I'm able to forget the past put in the ground and today as a adult I can change my fears when I was a child I did not no or have the courage to change what was happing to me today as adult I see poor behaviors and bad choices and I control and I know only I can control me make my own choices and it a screw up oh well but I have that chance to see it and change it and NO ONE can do it for me . I am proud that fog is going away and I'm able to see right and wrong . I am free and happy today knowing I have the choice to chose and change and no one can take that from me . I'm proud of my husband for changing for him and us and giving my chance to do the same . I thought be at the bottom of that resentment list . But he not I forgive him , my bad habits and poor behavior was all to do with letting my self open for every one to walk in my mind and drop off there pity or read my mind. I know I'm a good girl I gave my heart and soul to ppl and left my heart empty and cold. Now I have a heart full of love and warm feelings. I will always be a co dependent it's my nature to be good and love and help others and MYSELF.. That was what was missing me I forgot to love me and care about me and make me happy I was selfish in that department I never put me as a priority . Thank god I new I wasn't insane lol. All the dr I seen looked at me and said your not crazy your just lost and never had the chance to grow up . I'm still 10 today ppl say to me your not 46 and I said yes I am and there reply is well you don't act it . And now I can say I no I'm still a kid at heart giving the chance to grow up with better behavior and positive attitude and now I can pass this gift to my children and try to break that cycle.. And when I am grown up in Alaon I would love to guide ppl on here like the wonderful guidance and support as a family I didn't have . I love you all for not letting me give up. But !!!!!! I'm 50% healthy I still have extra healing that has not appeared yet but I think I'm going to be ok . My husband who I can refer to now instead of my A . Cryed with total happiness for me that I was able to do this . Now we can rebuild the marriage that this terrible disease of alcoholism tore down from us . The A and me the little a are now just equa aa different side of the street but friends not enemy's .
I hope my story and all my post can be looked on and share the hope and courage to change because we all deserve to be healthy happy and free.
Thank you Rosemary aka ms co-dependent
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. It is so powerful to see that you have now been able to recognize the beautiful, intelligent, compassionate person that you truly are and are willing to continue to work to uncover more of your hidden beauty
Rosemary: Your share is delightful! So good to read this morning. I hope your day today is filled with joy and delight. Lots of encouragement and support as you continue to recover and uncover the beauty of you.
Ms C, thank youso much for sharing. Its so good to hear you say the fog has cleared, thats how I felt and its one hellava journey. Keep on keeping on with all that you are doing, well done. You must be so proud of yourself taking care of the inner child.x
If it is ok with you, I would like to call you Rosemary. I believe that labels can keep us stuck, unless we can really "get" that there are flip sides to all of them. I hear that you are seeing glimpses of the more empowered side of codependency...heck, we make great employees, too!
My statement a few days ago, still stands...I am inspired by you. Do you have a sponsor?
In reading your most recent post, I remember making the addicts and alcoholics in my life my HP. In doing that, I lived the life my As wanted me to live. I didn't live the life my HP wanted for me. It was my choice, of course, to choose the HP I wanted to listen to and heed. Of course, those As had feet of clay, just like I did.
Fortunately, I experienced so much pain and hurt allowing them to decide who I was and what I should do, I finally asked for help from a power untouched by this disease. I had to make the choice - to let men decide who I was and what I was going to do or to ask a Power greater than all of us to help me face my own addictions and make the changes I needed to make for me - whether the men in my life liked it or not.
What do you think? Do you need help in Al-Anon or is it just your husband's problem? Do you need the help of a HP untouched by this disease, or is your husband being in AA enough for you?
We all get to personally choose the HP we want to return us to sanity. To me - the power to choose is one freedom that no one can give to us or take from us. The consequences of that choice are always ours, too. You're a very smart woman, Rosemary. You are also free to decide who gets to be your HP.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 18th of September 2013 06:26:29 AM
Pp to your question about a Sponser I was told from husband not to go to Alalon anymore since its not about his drinking he says its my stuff not his so I ask all should I still have Alaon program ?? When I attempted to go yesterday because I missed everyone and wanted to share some sign of hope my husband said come on stay home with me it's not the group u need they can't help you . My drinking is not the issue here it's your PTSD . Stay away from them . Please tell me is that true I don't need Alalon anymore or is the the drink back again controlling my mind
Alanon is a support group for members who live with or have lived with the problem of alcoholism Your hubby and many other alcoholics feel threatened by our attendance at these meetings but it is so very important for our sanity and self respect to keep attending. I urge you to continue attending your meetings Remember we have on line meetings her 2xs a day
You are growing and changing. Your Spiritual awakening has happened. In order to stay spiritually awake we need to keep working the program together.
