The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You did the right action Cathy, now the hard part began, dealing with the heartache of it all and the expectations.
Just keep doing what your doing for your own sanity and serenity, pray to your higher power that he will want sobriety.
Your practice is for YOU, if your doing Alanon for him as the focal point , expecting him to change, it may not happen that way. You have to really let it go with your whole being. Not expecting every dissapointment will turn into a tragedy.
I'm pulling for you Cathy and my prayers are with you, and may serenity be upon you.
Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 13th of September 2013 02:12:03 PM
I knew I would have ups and downs. Well the down came again. I got a call from my son's landlord and my son is drunk, has been for days and his landlord wants him out. I told him I can't do anything about it, he will have to call the police and whatever he needs to do.
Now my anxiety has jumped up. I am doing all I can to read, write and pray to get a handle of it.
I wish he wouldn't have called me.....sucks
Let go Let God........ I can't do anything about it. I will be OK I will be OK
God grant me the serenity to except the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you for being here at this moment........
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I am so sorry you are feeling this right now. I understand the pain of wishing we didn't know of someone else's struggles.
Please know that I understand how hard it is not to want to save someone we care dearly for and to see them do destructive things. The hardest thing I ever had to do was to listen to my ex-bf tell me that he was homeless because he got kicked out of his halfway house for using. But I knew I couldn't rescue him. SOmeone once told me, what if everytime I did something to soften the blow, that I was actually preventing him from reaching his bottom. This really struck me and I've been concious now to allow other people the dignity of choosing their own recovery and being on their own journey.
Hi Cathy, I know how hard this is. There are other ways to look at it. It could be that your son is going to feel his own consequences for the first time with no one rescuing him and although this is hard it is about his resources, because he has them. Remember all you taught him when he was growing up? well, thats still there in him but he has never had to draw on his own strength before until now. Let go and let god. Wrap him up in a big duvet and let him go. He will be fine, alcoholics are always fine, its us that get tied up in knots, it truly is insane. Hes a grown man who can take care of himself if the rest of the world will let him. See this as a challenge for you and him, try not to project, easier said than done but don't let your mind rush away with what if's or if you do what if... he pulls up his socks here and takes responsibility for himself. He is not a helpless baby, he has options, he always has but he thought 'something will turn up' and for A's it tends to be true, something or someone turns up. You have choices too, fall to bits, let in the insane thoughts or let your grown man son fend for himself and let him gain some self esteem and dignity. Take care.x
OMG...((((((((((((((((((((((Cathy))))))))))))))))))) I am soo soo sorry what U R going through.....Something HAS to happen for the positive soon, like if NOONE enables him, U aren't....landlord wants him out......MAYBE he can face the hard consequences of this and FINALLY get some help......I sure hope so...........
Sending you peace, love and LOADS of support...........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You did the right thing Cathy for sure....he has to suffer the consequences of being drunk on someone elses property. It's going to be fine....the police know what to do with him. I am always praying that he will meet someone who's words would reach him, maybe this time. Remember the three C's please and be around people who understand your plight. If it takes going out of town or spending some money do it.... Pick up your tools and use them thoroughly today. And remember we are all on the sidelines cheering for you...! Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Thank you guys......this might be the biggie I have been worried about for so long. It's happening. I will be at a meeting tonight. I will be gone this weekend if I have to. I will turn off my phone. I will pray and pray and pray and take care of myself. I will find meetings everyday if I have to.
I will let this happen......I will LET GO LET GO
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Some rehabs will provide residential and bill it as iop. Otherwise, Compass and Salvation Army ARC are both in your area and free. Just so you don't flip about him having nowhere to go. If he goes on the streets it will be his choice.
I am so very sorry to read this. My son would take a cab to my house or to one of my sister's or brother's home when he reached this stage. Then the drama would really double. Hospitals, rehabs and back to square 1
Cathy I found that once I stepped out of the equation this enabled others better placed than me to step in.. police, doctors, AA brothers, case workers, homeless charities and so on. There are people places and things available to your son, he will learn this if you let him.and them. The word no is a whole sentence, the first time I stopped enabling was when the hospital phoned me to say my son was ready to be picked up and taken home, they wouldnt release him without supervision as hed had a bang on the head. I said no, my son doesnt live with me . they would have to make alternative arrangementsand I hung up....Alternative things were put in place without my interference. It was a very very painful thing for me to have to do but my support network was firmly in place to pick up the pieces.
I'm so sorry! I'm glad you're taking good care of yourself while working through the pain and difficulty of trusting your HP to guide you and his HP to guide your son.
Good feedback Cathy...I've got nothing more to share other than when I was in this spot...I turned him over and didn't interfere with what God did or would have in mind for him. It was active practice of faith. I wasn't worried and I didn't check up on it...it was in better hands than mine. Good luck...have you all in my prayers too. ((((hugs))))
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
So sorry Cathy! Your words meant so much to me when I first had the courage to post here. Every mother of an alcoholic child knows what you are going through and it is just so hard. Good idea to turn off your phone and go to meetings. Maybe now he will at last see his problem for what it is and what it has cost him and really get with the program. A good friend of mine always offers 'prayers piled on' when people are in trouble meaning , I think, that prayers will surround you and cocoon you until you are through this crisis. I'll add my prayers to the others
Branching off of what deacon posted, your posts are what drew me to this site. I don't know if that makes sense but seeing your heart and your humanity made me come back here to seek help. So on that note please know you and your son are in my prayers.
Cathy, so sorry to hear. I dread 'those' calls. The ones I 'could' take care of but know its not the right thing to do. Then, saying NO. the pain, I know it also. You did do whats best for him and for yourself. Great job!!!!!
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
