The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just posting here quick so I do not send the man I just split with a message trying to say something that makes him see I'm changing or "you threw the best thing away" or anything that would try to control his response or feelings or actions towards me.
I must remember I don't want to try to convince someone that I'm wonderful. I want them to know that on their own. He recently apologized for hurting me and I had to resist the urge to go into detail about the fact that I'm choosing to look at this as an opportunity to really learn to love, respect and honor myself. It's hard for me to not put alot of blame on myself in this break-up. Because of "my stuff" I essentially triggered his stuff, which then triggered mine in an endless shame spiral of dysfunction. I must OWN my part, not get caught up in the "What Ifs" and accept everything EXACTLY as it is today.
It's time to LET GO.
Release to the Universe and keep the focus on me and what I can control, which is my progress and my reactions and responses.
Hi Runner, I'm sorry it didn't work out but your attitude and heart is definitely in the right place which is what matters most. You are wonderful for that;
I love this : "Release to the Universe and keep the focus on me and what I can control, which is my progress and my reactions and responses."
Much Blessings to you***
I'm happy your in Al-anon to deal with this breakup. I didn't have Al-anon to help me though. When my SO had an affair with a girl 20 years his junior I was devastated. He left me in a heartbeat for her.
the first 6 months I begged, pleaded and stocked him until I knew it wouldn't work. The next 6 months I spent in bars crying with a good friend of mine. After the first year I was finally getting better and learning to live on my own and starting to enjoy life again. Then I started getting calls from my SO, then visits. Next thing I know he wanted me back in his life. He loved me and there was nobody else that could ever replace me.
I got back with him and it was the worse mistake of my life. Just saying.....
I'm happy you have the support and the courage to make the right decisions for you. You can learn what your defects are and correct them. To learn and get to a place in life that will truly give you peace and happiness when it comes. And it will come and your relationship will be based on not being needy but healthy with love and independence .
(((( hugs )))) and a little prayer for you.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I found Alanon through one of my qualifiers, but I wished I would have had it to navigate the rocky terrain of my childhood and all the messy issues it brought up.
Thank you all for your kind words - let's see whether or not I can maintain the focus. There is a part of me that keeps thinking it's my "duty" to call him out on his stuff instead of allowing him his own journey.
You could call him on "his stuff," or you could just write a letter to him and not mail it. I've learned that calling people on their stuff results in neither one of us getting anywhere other than into a lot of negativity that only wears us out in the end unless they've asked for input or feedback. If I write out what I'd like to say to the other person that I'm not going to say to the other person, I've accomplished what I need to do for me without stirring up stuff that will backfire in some way. Glad you've chosen to put your focus on you and not on him.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 13th of September 2013 06:00:57 PM
